Wednesday 4 December 2013


Your country needs you, Gordon.
I like a good laugh.

So I was delighted to read the Daily Mail story about poor old Alistair Darling.

Apparently senior Tories think he is totally useless. They reckon he’s a bad communicator who is comatose most of the time. And they consider that his ineffectiveness may lose them the referendum and all that lovely oil money they were hoping would shore them up when they left the EU and went to war with…well, whichever country that has people with brown skin, who are largely Muslim and which has oil that America tells them to go to war with.
Govey, the house elf
Some of them feel…wait for it… that Michael Gove (no, honestly Michael Gove, that little creature who resembles a pretty inefficient house elf) should have headed up the campaign.

Oh Lordy. Laugh, I was sure my sides were going to split.
What a pair 
Perhaps on Planet Tory he’s what passes for a communicator, but for most of the rest of us he’s a slightly comical, unfortunate looking, little fellow with funny glasses and a level of self confidence that well outmatches anything to which he is entitled.

Allegedly there are those imagine that Jeremy Hunt would be better at the job.

Jeremy Hunt?

For pity’s sake!
Scary, really scary
Words fail me. This man would have been dangerously over promoted had he been in charge of opening the Downing Street gates for self opinionated bicycling nobs. That he was promoted by his friend, Eton Dave, to be in charge of the ENHS must have put the fear of god into Englishmen and women from Devon to Northumberland.

However even the Tories, not the most perceptive bunch of people on the planet, realise that propelling one of their number over the border to lecture us on a pretty much full time basis, would be suicidal. Even the staunchest of unionists (not counting the 47 people who vote Tory in Scotland) would immediately change sides.

So they have come up with another cunning plan. And here he is.
Nothing comatose about this one then
Mr Dynamite himself.

They think, quite rightly I imagine, that Gordon is more popular north of the Border. That of course doesn’t mean that he’s popular.  It’s just that you don’t get any more UNpopular than he is in England. 

And given that they see poor communication skills as one of Alistair's main failings... I'm not sure that I see where Gordo is going to be a vast improvement.

But, given that they never see the fellow in Westminster, where he works (allegedly), they reckon he might as well be up there in Oilland, I mean Scotland, marshalling Labour behind him and knocking Salmond for six with his razor sharp wit, communication skills and friendly even tempered banter (not to mention the odd Nokia).

Still, I suppose these are the same people who thought Alastair Carmichael was a bruiser with debating skills that would put Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon back in their boxes.
Gordon Brown? No problem 
So you can see where the idea comes from.

Imagine being replaced by his old enemy! Gordon's revenge for "Back From the Brink"? 

Or a chance for Alistair's second book "Better Together Apart"?


  1. Oh wow! Broon the Loon is being suggested as a replacement for Darlin' the Marlin as head honcho to stand up against Alex Salmond is he?

    Wonder how that will work out?

    Oh wait a minute I'm just receiving a vision........

    LIVE..........T.V. debate Alex Salmond versus Broon the Loon

    compere: First question to you First Minister. Should Scotland be an independent country?
    First Minister: Yes of course it should.
    compere: Mr Brown what are you're thoughts on this question?
    Broon: I agree with Nick, sorry Alex!

    NUFF said! lol

    1. LOL. Nick the Tory, that is?

      (I believe some right wing nut job by the name of Bone, who has been particularly scathing of Clegg up to now, congratulated him for become much more like his beloved prime minister...)

      Still if his Better Together with the Tories and their lapdogs performances are as few and far between, not to mention low profile, as his Labour Together or whatever they called that thing he set up, then I doubt he'll bother to be in the country, never mind debating with Nicola.

    2. I think the phrase "don't hold your breath" springs to mind when discussing anything to do with Broon the Loon. He is a total disgrace and absolute embarrassment to the good people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath.

      If he were placed in charge of the Better Together crowd I'm sure any debating he did would be carried out via satellite link he would not have the courage to stand in the same studio as anyone from the YES side of the debate!

    3. I don't really think it will happen.

      They'd be mad to change riders at this stage.

      And the Carmichael change has been a disaster.

      Moore was ineffectual but relatively likeable, and a gentleman.

      Carmichael is ineffectual, unlikeable, not bright enough for the job and hasn't got a handle on the brief.

      Brown wouldn't be here. He's not put anything into his own campaign, he's too busy travelling the world and pretending he's Tony Blair.

      Besides can you imagine the spiteful payback from Darling?

    4. Oh please, can we have a Darling versus Broon spat live on T.V. Can you imagine the viewing figures for that, they would be through the roof! lol

    5. Nokia shares would go through the roof.

  2. O/T

    I was away all day today, and I came back to loads of comments (for which thank you!).

    I think I've answered them all. If I have missed any, I apologise.

    I value your input and I'd hate anyone to think I couldn't be bothered replying.



  3. The Machievellian figure in the background, the man with the power, King David Cameron could step out from his proxy doxies and make a stand. He doesn't because he knows he could lose. Far better to let a hated opponent take the flak.

    In my Machievellian frame of mind it seems that any unhappy tale should be told by others which is a ten out of ten for oor David. Quite why he choses such ridiculous mouthpieces for the Lab/Lib/Con triangle of power is a tad beyond me. I suspect he want's to lose.

    Anyway, a fairy tale, or a call to arms or summat. Are you sitting comfortably?


    The king of all he surveys, the Lord of the inner sanctum defined by a ring of gold, (ed, no tarmac.)the M25 must take up the cudgels himself and face down his nemesis, Alex Salmond.

    How likely is this? We, the stalwart sons of the City of London, with huge financial muscle and very small (redacted) stand behind, err.. on our yaughts in the Med, a a fleet in reserve in fact call upon Saint David, our hero from a distance - the greater the distance, the greater the hero we say.

    Westminster never has been and in this phase of the game is advancing political crocks and cheats - Sir Darling - to be followed by our beloved ex-Prime Minister Lord Brown who between them:

    bust boom. (Think about it dear reader. Words mean what I mean them to say.)


    A political leader becomes a cornered beast. ( I speak only, well not only, metaphorically.)

    It seems to us, the sons of the Square Mile, that bastion of all that Britain proudly stands for, me, but obviously not to Mr Cameron, that he is that cornered beast and he really must enter the Gladatorial Ring that is Newsnight Scotland or (alternative venue) Scotland Tonight. (ed : I know they sweat a lot, but 'gladatorial ring'? This is a serious fairy tale, that is just daft.)

    The leader of a state has responsibilities. Amongst them is a willingness to engage with the aspirations of their people. When your very State is about to be pulled asunder a Prince, such as you David, should take on your opponent.

    After all, the case for 'Better Together' hasn't been stronger than it is right now.

    For it is for a leader of a democracy to speak to all of it's citizens, lest they vote against the leader out of apathy. For a leader needs to guide, some might say form, public opinion from the front. In olden days, a charge into battle and nowadays a charge into a TV studio, where, let us not forget a clean shaven superhero of the status quo will, inevitably win, against a nationalist. Did not the brave Sir Alisdair, the bold Sir Moore and the fat chancer, I forget his name, not enter the tilts against their heroine Saint Sturgeon? It needs a son of Saint George, a master of slaying dragons, to enter into a fair contest to exterminate forever this nest of vipers, err.. dragons resting on our Northern Border.

    It is with these exhortations to fight, fight and fight again that I urge you Lord Cameron to enter the battle.

    You will, inevitably lose, but you will have fought the good fight, for....

    (At this point, the manuscript was sadly empty. Some scholars thought it incomplete, others that the pages had been torn out and put into the secret vault that cannot be opened for a hundred years or so. The only trace was a slick of oil on the back cover.)

    Saor Alba!

    1. LOL. Good one, Douglas.

      Milord Camergoon of Eton and Oxford craves his respondent's indulgence and he will make plain on this fifth day of December in the year of our lord 2013, that it is not the place of this humble servant of the privy council of her majesty Elizabeth II of England and her lesser realms to cross swords with little known Scotchmen of no account.

      His nobleness, being of high birth,exalted position and exquisite education at the hands of the summum academicis of this fair land, finds even the notion of exchanging views with such a lowly born, of such an inferior nation, to be, as it were, atque infra dignitatem suam.

      The good fight in the right of her majesty's blighted but humble and loyal Scotch subjects will then be carried forth by the lord's trusty lieutenants in accordance, to the very letter, with the wishes and desires of the lord and of her royal majesty.

      These lieutenants will be of the same breed as the leaders of the savages and will speak their rough language and wear their uncouth clouts and thereby fall into a rapport with the savage, which such an exalted personage as milord could not hope to achieve.

      Let it be thus in the name of the queen.

      Signed and witnessed in
      Threadneedle Street
      In God's own City of London.

      Vivat Anglia
      Salve Regina

    2. Surely the fact that the 'brigand Sturgeon' is proudly parading to and fro, shamelessly displaying her sword belt fashioned from the publicly flayed flesh of the morbidly obtuse, Huge de Carmichael, Treasurer of the English Administration in Scotland, will be enough to enrage the Westminster throne to finally raise an adequate army to head North?

      David (Hammer of the sweaty socks) will, in the end, fulfill his destiny and decisively engage the enemy. (Just as soon as the BBC get that broadcast Studio built in Falkirk of course.)

      The script then requires a close up of David's noble yet imperious face as he re crosses the border, heading home and sneering 'one does good work, when one rids oneself of shit'

      Although for some unmentioned reason, it still takes until the 24th March 2016 for Scotland to be internationally recognised as a fully Independent 'entity'?


    3. I forgot to add that, as David 'The Hammer' speaks his lines, the camera slowly pans over his long and straggling baggage train.

      It finally comes to wrest with a lingering, melancholic shot of the the mud caked, but still beautiful, upturned face of the adoring Niko, willingly captured Queen of the Scottish Serfs.

      aaaaaannnnnd..............start endcredits.


    4. You need to find a roll for Taz too though, Braco.

  4. tris

    Bit of a non story about Alistair

    now here is a better one

    Universal Credit may not hit 2017 deadline, says Duncan Smith

    Mr Duncan Smith told the BBC: "We may take a little longer on those who are already in, say, ESA who have no work requirement on them because they are a very vulnerable group and therefore Howard Shiplee may say we want to take a little more time on them because they need to be processed carefully and dealt with carefully

    He is still blaming others for his monumental c'ck up

    1. mr Duncan Pants on Fire wouldn't know the truth if it smacked him on the face.

      Mind to smack him in the face it would probably have to stand in like with 30-40 million other people who would take immense pleasure in doing just that, me very much included.

      The whole DWP is, I believe, utterly chaotic. no one on the staff seems to know what they are doing, mainly I'd imagine because Duncan Smith despite his certificate for turning up at the tech he went to for a few months in Italy, doesn't appear to know his stupid fat arse from his stupid fat elbow.

      Of course it's not his fault. Nothing has ever been his fault for all his charmed life.

      Still, one day charms have a habit of running out.

      I do hope I'm there to laugh.

      Now all that said, it was more that a wee story about Alistair.

      His paymasters at Bitter headquarters don't think he's up to much... and let's face it, apart from fiddling expenses, I think he's pretty much crap at everything he does too.

      Still, when it comes to flipping... boy, no one does it like Ali.

  5. Thanks for the 'Englishmen from Devon to Northumberland', Tris. It's good to know that somebody out there recognises that we Cornish people are not English. Now, if we can persuade the government and the media.......


    1. Oh, it would never occur to me to think of Kernow as part of England, Tasggynn.

      Not any more than I think of the Welsh or Scots,as such.

      The Duchy just was slowly subsumed into England by the royals who seemed to think that it was a way of providing money for their eldest sons to waste on courting other people's wives.

      You guys will always have the support of Munguin's Republic


  6. Tris

    It just get better and better and makes me think that they know something that a lot of us suspect but that the polls don't show and that is the vote is a hell of a lot closer then anyone thinks. Personally I think it's all to play for right now as the more people I speak to the more are now yes voters.

    I hope they keep Darling, he is rubbish and a liability to BT. Gove would be just too good to be true, Hunt also so it could be the miners friend Broon. Now while some people might like Broon in Fife and parts of Glasgow, most people honest people wouldn't trust a word he says and can't stand him. I suppose the first question is though, can they find him? He is getting a salary and claiming huge expenses from the Caymen Islands or someplace.

    BT are losing, the Tories and the minor Tory Parties are bricking it. Doesn't feel like there are still 19 days to Christmas. Saw that Osbourne to toff has solved the Scottish pension crisis, raise the age above life expectancy and none of us will ever receive one, smart man that Osbourne. I wonder if he sits around the table at Christmas in his toff suit and docking his workfare staff their benefits for daring wishing their families happy Christmas as they pop off to the foodbank. Wanker.


    1. Do you not like Gideon or something Bruce?

      Mr Cameron has said that Flipper is staying.

      So that's that.

      It may all be sod all to do with Cameron ( as a mere Englishman) when it comes to debating with killer Sturgeon or the First Minister. But apparently the person appointed to lead BT is chosen by Eton chops.

      Mr Bateman has a good blog on this!

      Govey... LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Oh stop ...

  7. I've just seen that Mr Cameron has rejected calls for Mr Darling to be replaced.

    So... now we know who is running Better Together.

    Mr Cameron.

    And he says that Mr Darling has his confidence, and he has phoned him to give him his support.

    Darling is one of theirs!

    In the meantime, I was wondering if any of the Scottish press intend to mention that, in seeming contravention of the rule that all changes to the Scottish parliament's responsibilities and powers would have to be passed by the parliament itself.

    It now appears that the House of Bishops and Aristos can do all that without bothering any elected people at all.


    And where is the comment from the Scottish press?

    So be warned. When Labour's health spokesman Mr Burnham says he wants to see health regulated in the same way across the UK, this is not a pie in the sky wishlist. If Labour wins, he can do that. Probably by getting some comatose old aristocrat filled up with the lunchtime subsidized booze to introduce the legislation in the supposed revising chamber.

    1. If I were in Alistair Darling's shoes I think I would be seriously concerned round about now, particularly if the phone rings!

      As you say Tris.

      "And he says that Mr Darling has his confidence, and he has phoned him to give him his support."

      From what I can recall every time I have heard the phrase "X,Y or Z has my full support" I know what is coming next.........X,Y or Z resigns. I have found this works equally well whether you use it when discussing football managers or politicians. lol

    2. Yep, I thought that as I was typing it, Arbroath... What, I wondered, will I say about darling on the day he steps down to spend more time with his speaking engagements and his flipping houses.

    3. I must admit I am surprised that he can actually find time to do his Better Together thingy. After all I was under the impression that house flipping was a full time occupation! lol

      As a wee aside, I forgot to mention earlier that there is something missing from your photo of Broon the Loon.........a prison number!

  8. The No's internal polling must the reason for the sniping. It is going to get a lot worse for them as the campaign develops. The TNS poll taken before the White Paper has the No share down from 53% in October 2012 to only 42%.

    1. I'm thinking that their internal polling must be showing the same sort of figures as the Yes Campaign's (as occasionally hinted at by Stephen Noon).

      If so, I suspect they are panicking.

      But surely it's too late now to change riders...

      Although they could say that they had always intended to alter the top team when the REAL campaign got underway, and Darling was only there to look after the shop until the big hitter came in at the end.

      Him being too busy, running Education or Health in England, or organising the end to Boom across the world, depending on what comic big hitter they have in mind.

    2. Marcia,

      the only opinion polls worth even acknowledging are those who publish their data tables. If we can't see their data sets, sample sizes etcetera, it doesn't frankly exist.

      Internal party polling = feel good polling. Its useless and worthless.

      I'd also add, pannelbase is the best pollster to look out for. They are the ONLY pollers who have got the last Holyrood election correct. Incidentally, they are also the only pollster showing a YES vote between 37-44% (all the others have it unrealistically smaller).

      Check that link out, and you will see what I mean.

    3. I'm not so sure Dean. First of all feel good polling is not a bad thing if it motivates, but obviously, I accept that can have the side effect of encouraging complacency.

      But, no one seemed to know until the end in 2011. All the polls were wrong. But I had it from a statistician at the SNP that the internal polling foresaw a win for the SNP. Not of that magnitude, but a win none-the-less.

      Parties, or campaigns can get hold of incredibly sophisticated softwear and can do analysis that most people who commission polls can't afford to pay for.

      Let's face it most people have polls commissioned to hear the answers they want to hear, anyway.

      So. Be of good courage.

      I suspect that BT's polling shows the same, which is why they have been having a pop at Darling.

      Someone has to take the blame and the Tories are good at making sure it ain't them.

      I believe the numbers are far closer than the paid for polls show. That statistician now works for the yes campaign, with softwear far far more sophisticated than the SNP had in 2011

  9. Replies
    1. Bring him back from where, to where...

      Oh yeah Boris to head up Better Together...

      Good idea.

      Jolly good show, what!

    2. It's pantomime season and BT have nothing else to offer Scotland except ringside free seats.

  10. What is the difference between Moore as a libdem and Carmichael as a liberal? Is there a special distinction in the different party name I'm missing?

    Just out of interest like.

    1. Is that me typing rubbish again?

  11. Replies
    1. I think that man's lost the plot.

      We have to have answers. We need answers, they scream.

      I'm not paying for answers.

      Well, listen up mr Forsyth. I don't like having to pay for your food and booze and your £300 a bloody day, tax free every bloody day.

      And I don't like my laws being made by churchmen and aristocrats, when there are elected men and women to do the job.

      But I have to put up with it.

      And I also have to pay for David Cameron, your boss, Mr Forsythe, getting Civil servants in London to come up with reports putting Scotland down, showing that for some weird and unexplained reason Scots couldn't manage to do what Norwegians have done with ease.

      I'm also fed up paying for your Cabinet ministers trotting up to Edinburgh, doubtless first class, staying in expensive hotels and running down Scotland.

      And you know, the weird thing, mr Forsythe is that they are mainly English, and yet and yet Mr Cameron said this was a job for the Scots to sort out.

      Or is that only when he thinks he might have to debate face to face with Alex Salmond and get spread over the studio floor?

      Well, I hope your committee which will surely cost an arm and a leg, will be made up of Scots becasue one of these days Mr Cameron's excuse for avoiding contact with Mr Salmond is going to wear a bit thin.

      He really is consumed with hate for us isn't he?

  12. as usual the nat inhabitants of the republic
    in a show of collective irrelevance,tilt harmlessly
    at windmills

    Round, like acircle in a spiral
    Like a wheel within a wheel.
    Never ending or beginning,
    On an snp ever spinning wheel
    Like a snowball down a mountain
    Or a nationalist buffoon
    Like a carousell that's turning
    the sno drones are howling
    hopelessly at the moon

    1. SNO?

      Scottish National Orchestra?

      Ok, I'm joking Niko.

      Anyway, I can whistle it, can you sing it?

  13. Ré polling.

    I am completely lost. The last two polls have put us down in the upper twenty percents. Last time I looked at polls we were either just above or below 40%.

    My own opinion poll is no longer a perfect 100% yes. An idiotic taxi driver will vote no because he doesn't like Alex Salmond. No other reason forthcoming.

    Apart from him, everyone I know is upfurrit. Maybe people lie to me and to opinion pollsters.

    It is probably easier to agree with me about independence than it is to listen to my irrefutable case for separating from Westminster. (It is qute long and boring.)

    I am a child of the Scott Minto approach. Y'know, hit 'em with facts after facts ad infinitum until they surrender. For their is no sustainable arguement against the truth.

    Still, these poll numbers are worrying.

    I didn't get to be this old and then lose.

    What do we need to do to win this dam' thing?

  14. Apologies for the grammatical errors, I do know the differences between there, their and they're.

    Don't know what came over me

    1. TNS have always been high No's and low Yes's but No have been dropping since March of 52% for No down to 42% now a steady drop of 1% per month whereas the Yes has held up and increased a few %.

      Motto No lead is leaking into DK/Yes and is a trend which is what was expected.

  15. I'm not sure about public polling. It seems to me that they use different methodology and come out with widely differing answers.

    I think CH is right. No matter what way you cut it, things are looking better than they were.

    If you don't vote for a country because you don't like the potential prime minister, you're a fool. Prime Ministers are going to change over the years, and unless you reckon you only have a few years left to live, you will surely see Mr Salmond disappear from the scene.

    Of course if we win, he will look smug, and be pleased with himself (he's probably earned that right), but hey, if you think that seeing him look sad and contrite is worth giving up decent living conditions so that Mr Cameron, or Mr Johnson, or Mr Hague or Mrs May... or anyone of a few dozen others, can parade themselves in the Rose Garden of the White House, then good luck to you!

    After all, they can talk all they want about clout, but at the end of the day the Chinese clearly see Britain as a little European country and I'm not sure Americans have any respect from Britain either.

    Still, self delusion is a great thing.

    Oh don;t worry about the spelling thing. When you are typing fast and you're passionate about something your fingers often work faster than your brain.