WILL DARLING BE PUNTED?

Your country needs you, Gordon.

I like a good laugh.

So I was delighted to read the Daily Mail story about poor old Alistair Darling.

Apparently senior Tories think he is totally useless. They reckon he’s a bad communicator who is comatose most of the time. And they consider that his ineffectiveness may lose them the referendum and all that lovely oil money they were hoping would shore them up when they left the EU and went to war with…well, whichever country that has people with brown skin, who are largely Muslim and which has oil that America tells them to go to war with.

 

Govey, the house elf

Some of them feel…wait for it… that Michael Gove (no, honestly Michael Gove, that little creature who resembles a pretty inefficient house elf) should have headed up the campaign.

Oh Lordy. Laugh, I was sure my sides were going to split.

What a pair 

Perhaps on Planet Tory he’s what passes for a communicator, but for most of the rest of us he’s a slightly comical, unfortunate looking, little fellow with funny glasses and a level of self confidence that well outmatches anything to which he is entitled.

Allegedly there are those imagine that Jeremy Hunt would be better at the job.

Jeremy Hunt?

For pity’s sake!

 

Scary, really scary

Words fail me. This man would have been dangerously over promoted had he been in charge of opening the Downing Street gates for self opinionated bicycling nobs. That he was promoted by his friend, Eton Dave, to be in charge of the ENHS must have put the fear of god into Englishmen and women from Devon to Northumberland.

However even the Tories, not the most perceptive bunch of people on the planet, realise that propelling one of their number over the border to lecture us on a pretty much full time basis, would be suicidal. Even the staunchest of unionists (not counting the 47 people who vote Tory in Scotland) would immediately change sides.

So they have come up with another cunning plan. And here he is.

 

Nothing comatose about this one then

Mr Dynamite himself.

They think, quite rightly I imagine, that Gordon is more popular north of the Border. That of course doesn’t mean that he’s popular.  It’s just that you don’t get any more UNpopular than he is in England. 

And given that they see poor communication skills as one of Alistair's main failings... I'm not sure that I see where Gordo is going to be a vast improvement.

But, given that they never see the fellow in Westminster, where he works (allegedly), they reckon he might as well be up there in Oilland, I mean Scotland, marshalling Labour behind him and knocking Salmond for six with his razor sharp wit, communication skills and friendly even tempered banter (not to mention the odd Nokia).

Still, I suppose these are the same people who thought Alastair Carmichael was a bruiser with debating skills that would put Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon back in their boxes.

Gordon Brown? No problem 

So you can see where the idea comes from.

Imagine being replaced by his old enemy! Gordon's revenge for "Back From the Brink"? 

Or a chance for Alistair's second book "Better Together Apart"?