Friday 13 December 2013


At this time of the year it is customary for Munguin to give some consideration to those less fortunate than himself.

This year he has been touched by the plight of Her Royal Highness, Princess Michael of Kent (although he thinks Michael is a ridiculous name for a woman).

Now it has come to his attention that Her Majesty the Queen has been obliged to take steps to protect her limited comestibles from thieving policemen who appear to wander around her houses stealing any food that isn't nailed down. (Mind you, I'd be inclined to check Mrs Parker Bowles pockets when she's leaving. I never liked the look of that woman.)

I dunno, first they fit up that nice polite little man Andy Mitchell, everyone's mate, and try to make him out as a foul mouthed snobby prat, and now they are stealing from poor old defenceless pensioners in their own homes.

Whatever they are up to, we all know you can't win with the polis, particularly that London lot who lie in unison at the drop of a hat, so Munguin has decided to dedicate this year's Christmas appeal to  the benefit of underfed, cold, miserable old Queens everywhere.

After all you must have some nuts or crisps that you don't want, or maybe some Bombay Mix that someone bought as a gift for you because it was going half price (still fresh) at Morrison's. Party leftovers from office or home are welcome.

Send them to Munguin at Munguin Towers and, after he has checked them for flavour, nutritional and satisfaction values, he will send what is left of them to Her Majesty, so that this Christmas the poor old dear won't have to go around marking the levels on her snacks crystalware.

And if anyone has any spare tickets (not tourist class)for a decent airline to Biarritz, Munguin would be happy to take Princess Michael with him on his annual winter break... so cough up.


  1. She could maybe go round and cut the opening ribbon in any new foodbanks and get a backhand carryout food parcel for carrying out her duty to her citizens.

    1. But do they have bombay mix...?

      She's not after own brand custard you know.

    2. They don't let foreign food contaminate their gullets only good British tripe will do.

    3. Do you think they eat tripe. I thought that was only for common people?

  2. I agree with Munguin about Princess Michael's name. Princess MICHAEL indeed! Say what you will about the old Queen, she at least had the good sense to give her children...Princes and Princesses all.....names of the proper gender.

    1. Yes Danny. She might be a bit on the mean side, but that palace education paid off. She got the gender thing sorted out and demonstrated it fully:

      Charles Philip Arthur George
      Anne Elizabeth Alice Louise
      Andrew Albert Christian Airmiles Edward
      Edward Antony Richard Louis

      (Only someone supported completely by the state could afford that number of children!)

      And it wasn't luck. She demonstrated an extensive knowledge of them, too.

      Munguin says it is wise of you to agree with him. When he is King of Scotland this may pay dividends.

      And, he asks, can you pull your finger out with that rendition!

    2. Well done Tris !!! You sent me to Wikipedia on "Airmiles" as a name for Prince Andrew. I couldn't figure out why he got one more name than the others, and had NO idea what sort of weird historical royal name that was...much less the gender ID.

      Tell Munguin I'll keep at it on that rendition. I try to stay on the good side of media moguls who may someday be making up Scotland's honours list. As a simple American "citizen", I'm woefully short on titles and styles, and so that sort of thing goes a long way with me.

    3. Oh that Danny...

      No one calls him anything except Airmiles here.

      He's a wee fat greedy grubbing git, who got a job from the British government for expenses only (as he already gets over £250,000 from the taxpayer for eating and drinking a lot and playing a lot of golf).

      So, he used it to travel around the world eating a lot of food and drinking a lot of drink and playing a lot of golf on expenses.

      Oh, and lest I forget, mixing with some of the creme de la creme of scumbags from Libya to Syria to Turkmenistan.

      If there is a disgusting dictator to be wined and dined, Airmiles has done it, and doubtless got the extra extra large t shirt.

      Munguin will be happy to hear about Niko's rendition.

      It doesn't pay to get on the wrong side of him.

  3. Maybe Danny Alexander could be photographed opening the Bombay Mix as long as he doesn't get mistaken for one of Liz's corgis.. Still, good news for us old Queens - I'll look forward to my share. I, also, understand that a 15 year old Talisker is reasonably priced in the run-up to Christmas.

    1. Hmmm...

      I'd not let Danny Alexander open a door, never mind the Bombay Mix. We wouldn't want it all over our Axminster.

      Trust you. If you think there's a chance of a free bottle of something you are quite prepared to become gay?

      Munguin was asking himself what you'd do for two bottles, then I noticed the poor wee thing hid his head in his paws and started shaking uncontrollably.

      All your fault.

  4. It must be tough for them having to heat all those huge palaces, expansive high celling rooms... maybe us denizens of Mungiuns Republic should make a Christmas Song for the appeal for 'distressed royals this Christmas'

    Taz & Munguin on lead singers... Cynical Highlander can sit at the back with a tambourine and stay out of trouble...

    1. Yep Dean. Christmas number 1.

      Munguin and Taz, and the rest of us.

      But do we have to give the money to them?

      Anyway, looking at that clip I was thinking how well behaved everyone on there was, how they must all be in their late 70s by now, how young Dylan looked and finally, how the guy who introduced him sat behind him tapping his foot out of sync with the music.

      Which one were you CH... and which one was John Brownlie?


    2. "Johan" Brownlie is the one with the pink hat and pearls in his coming-out outfit. I'd recognise that grumpy old sod anywhere.

      PS: Extremely bad storm here - had to chase my wig for a mile, picked up two rabbits by mistake!

    3. Sure they weren't hares (hairs)? See what I did?

      Actually you don't just look grumpy in that photo; You look like you just caught some pleb pinching your nuts!! Ouch.

  5. As a Trustee of the Battle of Bannockburn War Widows Fund, where do I send the donation for this needy pensioner?

    1. LOL!

      Just send it direct to Munguin, Marcia.

      He'll do the rest. :)

  6. Hmm seem like a family of p?keys to me

    Labour MP Jack Dromey warned over Royal Mail 'pikey' comment
    The shadow police minister's tweet referring to a Royal Mail worker as a 'pikey' was a mistake, he says

    Since 2007 it has been an arrestable, racially aggravated offence to use the word "pikey", which is an offensive and derogatory word used to refer to Irish or Romany travellers.

  7. LOL. Harriet's bit of rough let her down again, huh.

    Poor old Jack. He doesn't get a good press.

    I bet married to Harriden he doesn't get much of a home life either!