"Well, that's it; we're sunk the noo, chuckle, chuckle", said Alex Salmond, reported a Downing Street source.
I've just been reading Wee Ginger Dug’s hilarious evaluation of the four so-called Labour so-called big hitters that the Tory Together team are sending up from London to persuade us to vote for more illegal wars, more high speed railways in England, better sewers in London, Crossrail, mass slaughter of the disabled and sick, and humiliation of the poor, the old and the unemployed.
You might think that that it’s all a rather negative message, but I assure you, there are positives.
We are being urged, too, to vote for no pay restraint (on bankers), Gary Barlow’s ennoblement for being a far more efficient tax fiddler than any silly Labour comic (and living in Eton Dave’s constituency, and contributing to Dave’s campaign).
Most of all, they are urging us to vote for “punching above our weight” and “clout”, the small word with a big meaning, at least for those who enjoy the benefits of it.
Oh yum yum. I wish I were an ordinary person and
could eat food like this delicious...erm, what is it?
The benefits of all this punching and having clout, for those that don’t know, are that, instead of wasting money on nonsensical things like decent roads, railways, health, education, social services, pensions, housing, and all that trivia, we get to have the fourth largest military spend in the world and our “leaders” get to travel around, first class, sometimes even in the bed of no lesser a personage than the President of the United States of America (although not, I hasten to point out, at the same time as he is in it).
So it’s a hard choice… Gideon Osborne and Eton Dave Cameron, Theresa May, and her wellies and Godzilla Carmichael, Willie “tremble Putin” and Pinocchio Clegg all bigging themselves up, so that we can bask in their reflected glory… or health, welfare, decency, education, dignity in old age…
But, to add to the excitement of these biggish hitters (you have to read the Dug’s piece to find out who they are), today the biggest hitter (is that the right spelling) of them all arrives in Scotland.
In their infinite wisdom, and with their usual grasp of the general feelings of the nation’s “ordinary” citizenry (although technically within the UK Scots are “subjects” not “citizens”), the people at BT, who brought you such epics as Gordon Brown, Alistair Carmichael, Iain Duncan Smith, Philip Hammond, and Dandy Alexander, have decided that what the No Campaign needs gravitas. And who is more like the grave, fresh from his encounter with Pedro the Jellyfish, than ETON DAVE.
That’s right. Taking time out from sleeping in the President’s bed on Airforce one, and presumably based on the recently released opinion polls showing that he is on course for a win the next general election in the UK, along with Nigel Farage, Dave has been persuaded that it is in the best interests of the greatest union in the history of the universe, for him to get REALLY involved… to actually stay in our country overnight (and not either at Balmoral, or on his father-in-law’s Islay shooting estate!).
The pressure this time is on him to be seen with ordinary people. Previously he has flown in for the day and spent time on a nuclear submarine, a boardroom and an oil rig… Unfortunately they do not consider Alex Salmond to be an “ordinary” person, so he won’t be doing any debating!
|Hm, Dave. Just a wee tip.|
We don't actually speak like that in this country
But with the new Nob Orders priority being “unpolished” people, we can expect to see the prime minister in the real Scotland amid our rough cut diamonds, where doubtless he will be given the rousing welcome that he deserves.
My names Jock McJock the Coo.
I'm the welcoming committee.
They said you didn't want to lock horns with Mr Salmond
So I'm the soft option...
My friend Pedro said you tasted of fois gras
I've never had fois gras...
Oh how Blair Jenkins and Dennis Canavan must be rubbing their hands with glee.
"today the biggest hitter (is that the right spelling)"ReplyDelete
Yes it is the correct spelling as the "s" is silent.
You bet me to it......Delete
Hmmm... the "s" isn't working right on this keyboard..Delete
Jock McJock the Coo made that all worthwhile :-)ReplyDelete
Aye, he's a fine fellow, and a good mate of mine.Delete
He'd make a good prime minister, well, better than the one we have... and better looking!
I am having a really good laugh this morning, and you have contributed another beauty. Wee Ginger Dug, so on form, Derek Bateman gone over and above his quality. Wings with the invisible marching band of Better Together, soon to be rebranded yet again by Saatchi and Saatchi.ReplyDelete
Tell Muguin to give you an extra barley sugar.
Munguin says no.Delete
The one a month I get is quite sufficient.
But thank, and I'm glad we provided a bit of a laugh.
I'm surprised the First Minister wasn't at Border Control ready to meet our Dave when he flew in on "Cameron ONE" this morning. I mean he could have met him, checked his passport, confirmed he was not a foreigner, had enough Sterling currency to last his visit and then for good measure took him into a wee room for a nixce *ahem* fire side chat or as we call them up here a face to face debate! LOLReplyDelete
Ahhhh... Old Tessy hasn't quite got them set up yet.Delete
She's not the most efficient Home Secretary they've ever had, is she... and god knows that's saying something when you think back.
If the word debate had been mentioned though, the Eton boy would have been back on his private jet quicker than you could say "Eton mess".
Its been a good day for laughs and as always WGD your up there with the best. If your going to keep this up we're going to have to get you a jumbo sized box of treats .ReplyDelete
Its going to take a lot to lose my smile today.
If it slips i'll just put up a photo ar two you have posted. Cheers
Treats would be nice ...:)
It's a good feeling to be part of a group that's put smiles on faces that are gonna be there all day...
Snake Oil Tory comes up and hides in amongst some soldiers what a brave man.ReplyDelete
What an insult to men who sell snake oil.Delete
Take it back immediately!