Thursday 13 March 2014


Big Beast. The Liberal ex-Chief Whip
When the London government replaced Michael Moore as Scottish Secretary with a man they called a big beast of politics, we were promised that he would wade into the debate and turn it around.

Godzilla, as he was nicknamed would be the death of all the independence nonsense and would put Alex Salmond’s gas at a peep in the blink of an eye.

I didn't know him. Indeed I’d never heard of him. But it wasn't long before I found out that they might be accused of a wee bit of exaggeration when describing his abilities. In fact, he turned out to be less King Kong and more Old King Cole, a chubby old soul from up north who stuttered his way through unconvincing tales of Britishness. (The spell-check says that should read Brutishness… does it know something that I don’t?)
Taking a mauling with a smile, bless him.
That was before the tears

Anyway, when his time came to face Ms Sturgeon, as inevitably it had to, we were expecting him to do a lot better than his predecessor whose poor performance against the deputy first minister was said to be the reason he was removed. I’m sure Nicola was shivering in her shoes, as images for the famous film flashed through her mind, prior to going out there live.

But, we were to be sorely disappointed. If anything he was worse that poor old Moore. She wiped the floor with him, and he seemed, at times, to be close to tears and pleading with the adjudicator to call off Nicola, who had him by the throat.

I was just today wondering what had happened to him since then.

After all, for the English cabinet’s top man in Scotland; Mr Cameron’s right hand gorilla, only 7 months away from the day, he’s been hell of a quiet.

We’ve had the honour of all manner of English toffs from the very top English public schools up here telling us how pathetic we are. People who only ever come here to shoot animals, and here they have come to very nearly talk to the people. Well the top people anyway.
Lord Snooty slumming it

We’ve had Osborne, May, and that long faced skinny one from defence who laughed at British soldiers on duty at Edinburgh castle. We've even had wee Willie Hague in Glasgow taking time off from telling Putin a few things. We even had the Eton Boy himself, fresh from the floods in England, and right into the North Sea to inspect an oil rig. (I suppose they had to keep him that far form ordinary Jocks. Eton Boys probably don’t have immunity to the kind of bugs you catch from jock plebs. We even had a complete cabinet meeting here. For the first time in 90 years the lower reaches of the English aristocracy came en masse on a private jet to hide themselves behind locked doors and hold a cabinet meeting.  Worth it or what!

But no attack dog in the form of Carbuncle.

Not to fear though, because he is back. Oh yes. He ventured as far north as the Daily Torygraph offices to give them an interview in which he told them that there was no such thing as Scottishness or Englishness.

He accused Alex Salmond (as if he was the only one to point it out) of trying to make out that there are Scottish values and English values and said quite clearly that there were not. We were the same.

John: What's Gaelic for "sod off you plonker"?
He failed of course to explain why, if we are so similar, we vote so differently, to the point that the majority party in England is represented by one solitary (and rather pathetic) specimen in Scotland, and that’s bang smack on the border. Nor did he explain why our MPs voted against all the horrific policies on welfare, never mind whether they were SNP or Labour while the MPs in England pushed them though and made them law.

First we had that funny little aristocrat who gave up being an MP in the middle of his term to take a big prestigious job as George Bush’s lickspittle in Nato, (you know, the one that comes from Port Ellen on the island of Islay, where they speak Gaelic), telling us that we didn't have a language, and we didn't have a culture, and now we have this third choice Scottish Secretary telling us that there is no such thing as Scottishness, and thinking that that will go down well with us.

Where exactly do they get these half wits?


  1. Every time I see this picture of Carmichael I'm reminded of this ....

    No one has every seen Carmichael and this large chap on the same beach.


    1. He's lost his teddy bear poor chap.

    2. I think he's a fine looking fellow, and I suspect Ms Sturgeon would be more likely to be wary of him rather than Mr C.

      The Teddy was pretty nice too. Munguin thought he'd make a good mate.. He's probably on his way from Orkney down to Munguin Towers as we speak!

  2. The Secretary of Portsmouth or SOP for short is out of his depth against Johann let alone primary kids.

    1. I thought it was Devonport....SOD.

  3. When my nephew was about 7 or 8 we were watching TV when Bomber Robertson came on. My nephew started laughing. 'That man's mouth looks like a dog's bottom'. Hardly a trenchant political analysis, but...

    1. None the less, a valid observation. You know what they say about kids... they tell it like it is.

  4. Rail users flood Glagow's Central station food bank with supplies

    I think we should consider bringing back the stocks for those unionist politicians saying we are better together, crawling creeps.

    1. Warms your heart to hear this kind of news.

      Unlike Lord Fraud, we don't think that people are simply going along to get food from a food bank because it's cheaper than going to Waitrose.

      I always worry when someone accuses people of something as outrageous as that. Most people would do anything rather than submit to the humiliation of what is pretty much a soup kitchen. People like Fraud must have the kind of mind that immediately see the main chance... like Darling and his house flipping.

      Message to people who are forced into using these places is that we are with you. We care. We don't look down on you. It could be us next week. I hope Fraud and Duncan Smith and that blonde bimbo he has in his department find out what it is to be hungry one day.

      How I'd love to see them queuing up at a food bank.

    2. I just noticed that Camergoof has got a BP overall on. Does that stand for British prat?

    3. or Bloody Pillock?

  5. tris,

    As there are no sweary words in Gaelic I regret that I am unable to provide a translation. As Gaels we are to inherently polite even to laugh when he describes himself as "Secretary of State FOR Scotland" although it is rather a good choke!

    Incidentally can you stick David Milligan's blog A wee Sovereign Scot on your list as I don't know how to link to it.. It is really excellent.and well worth reading.

  6. Sorry, tris, I've just noticed that David's blog is on your list. Chan'eil mi glic!

    1. Ah, OK, thank you John...

      I suppose you don't have irritating people like Carmuddle to deal with in Gaeldom!

      I found the Sovereign Scot blog very recently and liked it so much I added it here. But thanks for the top.

      I'm always interested in new blogs to add to the mix on the list. I know some people find it useful to have a good library of blogs at one click.

      Nah... yer no really a silly sausage!!!

  7. The Secretary of state for Portsmouth, aka the Anti-Secretary of state for Scotland, has been relatively quiet, but others as you say have been day tripping to Scotland to lecture, to a hand picked audience, today we have David Cameron in Edinburgh, and I think Vince Cable, is also in Scotland, procrastinating just how bad independence would be for Scots.

    it seem to be a common theme of the no camp, fly in scaremonger or love bomb, (depending on how they feel), then fly out again, recently the Holyrood committee asked Esther McVey (welfare minister), to fly up and answer a few questions, McVey replied with "I don't answer to Holyrood, I answer to Westminster."

    This incident proves that if it suits them they'll fly in and out of Scotland.

    1. Ah yes, I'd forgotten that that was the blonde bimbo's name McVile. She is poison, and so far up her own backside she's not often seen.

      She seems to be unaware that under the agreements reached at devolution, English ministers were required to co-operate with the Celtic governments. She of course is too important for that nonsense.

      Vince Cable said in 1975 that if Scotland was independent it would be more prosperous than the UK by the mid 80s. That was when he was an economist; before he became a Tory lickspittle.

      I'm glad Cameron was in Scotland. Maybe he was trying to buy some more likes for his facebook page. When he forked out £10,000 to buy some earlier this week, they all seemed to be from India and Pakistan.

      I shouldn't think he'd do well here, but I'd do most stuff for money, so if he wants to bung me a few grand, he has a FB friend made and ready.

      Anyway, his presence in Edinburgh is always good news for us. The loathing in which he is held by the Scottish populace in general is increased when he deigns to set his privileged feet in our country. It always does us a power of good..

      Haste ye back ye..**$%£*&()*