THE DEAR PEREGRIN LETTERS

It's been a while since the Tories wrote to our alter ego, Peregrin Fotherington-Smythe, and the last letter from Michael Fallon was so deathly dull that we didn't  bother to share it with you.

This one isn't from any particular minister. To be honest Munguin is furious that we received a letter signed "Conservative Campaign Headquarters", and not a single minister, not even a junior one, bothered to take the time to sign it.

However, we though it was worth while for one particular line.

You'll love it!

Dear Peregrin,

On Thursday 5 May, Britain faces a clear but crucial choice: the continued security, stability and opportunity provided by this Government or the insecurity, instability and incompetence of Labour.

Across England and Wales, we can continue to give our communities the safety and security that Conservative Police and Crime Commissioners deliver. In Wales, we can end 17 long years of Labour rule, and bring real change for the Welsh people. In Scotland, we can provide strong opposition to the SNP, holding them to account and saying no to a second referendum.

And in London, we can stop Sadiq Khan, Jeremy Corbyn’s man, from becoming Mayor and using City Hall as a four year experiment for Labour’s radical and divisive policies.

The outcome of each of these elections will affect how Britain is governed over the next four years. That is why it is so important that we act now, to ensure security, stability and opportunity for every person.

Please donate today to help us to deliver for Britain this May.

Thank you for your support,

Conservative Campaign Headquarters

 

Leadership for a better future? Whit?

Of course we laughed like a drain at the idea that anyone could possibly use the words "security, stability and opportunity" when referring to the governance of the UK (unless of course they were talking about Google).

We couldn't suppress our mirth at the mention of Crime Commissioners...jobs for the nobs across England and Wales... which stirred people to rush riotously to the polling stations... well, a few old dears anyway and maybe "shuffle" rather than "rush". Oh what a success they were.

We're not sure what kind of change they are anticipating in Wales. We suspect they aren't either, so that is why they didn't elaborate. But oh the laugh we had when we saw that their ambitions in Scotland are to come second, and the UK governing party has already handed the next government  of OUR country to the SNP.

Needless to say they went on to ask for £20, which we've not sent.

Damned cheek. Why don't they ask Google for money. They've ensured that it has plenty of the stuff, and that we have none.