Friday, 24 April 2015


Munguin Towers Penthouse

April 25, 2015

Dear Food Banks

I'm sure that you will delighted to know that, as a result of yet another intervention from that ex-politician (although to be fair I suppose we should call him a double ex politician now), there is good news for people who are in danger of starving to death in what they tell us is the world's 8th largest economy.

Gordon Brown has promised that, should Labour be in a position of power after the General Election, he will personally ensure that each and every food bank in Scotland will receive the sum of £5,000. 

This will be rather like, I suspect, he ensured devolution super max, home rule and the best devolved settlement of any country in the world last September. (Note to Tris. Find out how that went, will you?)

Mr Brown also says that if he or Jim Murphy had been in power (ah, if only) he would have dealt with the situation right away. He cannot understand why the SNP and the Conservatives haven't.

Gordon rides to the rescue, as ever. Having saved the world, from the ham fisted efforts of Darling; then having saved Better Together from the ham fisted efforts of... oh dear, Darling again, he will save the hungry of Scotland. At least that cannot be laid at the feet of Darling, can it?

Anyhow, your problems are over, Food Banks. Tell your normal donors that they can stand down for the foreseeable future... well, for a couple of days anyway.

Hunger, we can announce, is a thing of the past in this oil rich nation of ours. Just as it is in Norway.

Rejoice at that news.

Yours sincerely


(Note to Tris: Extend invitation to Brown to come and take tea with you  to show our gratitude. I'm busy that day. Munguin.)


Dear Ruth Davidson,

I understand that the London Tories have come up with this poster which depicts Scots as thieves of British cash. The idea may have come when the English Tory leader suggested that he wouldn't trust Alex Salmond not to pinch his wallet.

Can you confirm to us at Munguin's Republic that you will not allow these distasteful posters to appear in our country and that you will speak to Mr Cameron about having them banned in his country too.

Can you please address your response to my PA, Tris.

Yours sincerely,



  1. Is this poster for real? Compare that to the Herald headline on Brown today.
    There can be no more clear illustration of difference in treatment of Alex Salmond and Gordon Brown by the Westminster politicians and the mainstream media (TV and newspapers).

    1. Ah yes, well Munguin and Herald are not likely to see eye to eye on anything much.

      I think I can hear his pen scratching over parchment as we speak. He got in a bit of a rage this morning about Nick "the Pledge" Clegg.

  2. Gaun yersel Mungin, call them out for the liars and cheats they are.

    1. Yes Gerry, as Munguin isn't in the least interested in getting himself a seat in the House of the living Dead, or even a Knighthood, he can get away with calling them out.

      Liars and cheats are the nicer ones. As we know there is much more murk underneath.

  3. If, the ex-pm/mp and never a socialist, comes for tea; please point him to the padded cell, from which he has escaped.

    1. We don't really have a padded cell at Munguin Towers, Jim. The padding is there to stop them doing harm to themselves. We maybe put him in the penthouse attic. Lovely view up there.

  4. Broon also urging Scots to be patriots (someone who feels a strong support for their country) to a country he,along with the rest of the British Labour party,deny exists.
    He should emigrate to the Middle East where something which is said to be cast in stone,forever,usually means about 6 weeks,or in Broon's case,a few hours.
    It is very sad to see what happens to a human being when they are completely consumed by their own ego.

    1. I think he probably believes Labour's legend of him. That alone among Labour people in Scotland he is a colossus. He saved the world; he saved the union; he can save Jim's bacon.

      It's pathetic to see someone so deluded about their self importance.

    2. Perhaps he should take a lesson from Salmond, and keep out of the way and let the new leadership fight the battles. Going backwards doesn't work in politics.

      Don't take this as a criticism of Salmond. He done a sterling (no pun intended!) job in making the SNP a major political force. His job is done, Sturgeon is now taking the party to the next level. Whereas Brown and Murphy are simply hauling Labour back down, although to be honest they weren't going anywhere.

    3. I think Brown and Blair, Major and Tebbit, and even old £5000 a day Riffy think oif themselves as elder statesmen.

      I'm not sure why. Seriously they weren't what I'd call statesmen when they were younger. now they are just slavering old fools. that no one much respects.

      Blair is a money grubbing war monger, Brown a sociopath overcome by his own rhetoric.

      Major is remembered for nothing much that is good, Rifkind...we;ll the only thing I can remember about him was he thought he was unemployed when he had a job that paid around £80,000 a year.

      Tebbit of course is blinded by his undying devotion to she who must be obeyed and the protector of paedophiles in chief.

      I'm not sure about Salmond. I thought he was a good first minister. I've been to see him talk on a number of occasions and he is a great speaker. He knows how to engage and judge his audience.

      But he's still relatively young, and there is no option of the House of the Living Dead for him, so I suppose it's not unreasonable for him to want to go on being an MP. I think it's a bit rich, these Labour peers... Labour peers... pffffffffff, taking the mick out of him because he's standing again. They certainly retired, but then go straight into the other place and carry on where they left off.

    4. Salmond is young, but although popular he needed to move on. Politicians can only remain as leaders for so long.

      I know he has his reasons, but I believe Salmond would be an asset to the HoL. He could be one of the drivers for proper reform.

  5. Is this £5000 for every food bank or just official ones?
    I assume this £5000 is to be given every week?
    Better to have the members of the Lords giving up their £300 a day for a year or better still abolish the Lords. Go on Gordon show us you care.
    Chucking some cash at a problem shows real commitment to change!
    Gordon, roll your sleeves up and join us on an unofficial street stall to collect food and other things like toilet rolls, we might just believe you then.
    Too busy, aye, I thought so.

    1. As I understand it Gloria, it's a one of payment, made the day after Labour takes power.

      I too wondered about the small church groups that do this, and wondered what you had to do, but that won't have been thought out, becuse I imagine they have no intention of doing it.

      Ed Miliband hasn't mentioned it. You'd think that as this is a UK election and it will be a UK government that does it, it would apply to the whole UK.

      But a one off payment....

      Nothing more than a gimmick.

      Of course he's too busy. He's a very important ex-ex-politician, with a world to save... and money to make.

  6. I must say Alex looks very svelte in that poster - I do hope he's not on those dodgy slimming pills.