Wednesday, 23 July 2014


This article appeared in the Daily Record. It was so pathetic and ridiculous, I couldn't help taking it apart. Sorry it's so long.  

Must do better Dougie, you patronising git.
IF it ain't broke, don't fix it. With those words, US president Barack Obama explained to me his view on our referendum when I met him in Washington this week. (Just a hint of pride there Dougie? As I said to the king...)
OMG, what an important person you must be Dougie
I see you managed to bump Harry into third place
I had travelled to the US capital with Labour leader Ed Miliband (who? Oh yeah, thanks for explaining who he was), to hold meetings with the president and his team at the White House.

The backdrop to our discussion was the tragic downing of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17, the continuing conflict in eastern Ukraine and the suffering engulfing Gaza. (Yes, because you have such influence of affairs of state in the Caucuses, so clearly Obama couldn't wait to consult you and Ed about it, right?)

Together with Susan Rice, the president’s national security adviser, we talked through these immediate troubles facing our world today and discussed how our two countries could continue to cooperate to meet these challenges. (Well, I suppose that’s fair enough. How you co-operate usually, Dougie, is you agree with every word Mr Obama says, then you drop a curtsey and say “thank you sir”. As you and Mr Cameron see eye to eye on virtually everything, I doubt Barack noticed that it was you two, and not Dave and the long faced one with the personality deficit.)

It was a wide-ranging and free-flowing exchange, covering everything from these current crises to the need to tackle climate change in the decades ahead. (OH, aren't you important. Remind me to bow the next time I'm in the same room as you.)

But of course, as a Scottish MP, there was also one other issue I was keen to discuss with President Obama – the choice that we as Scots will all face on September 18. (LOL. You were keen to discuss with the president? Why? It’s nothing to do with him and whilst he’s entitled to his opinion, it’s no more important than that some wee woman living in a wood hut in Cambodia. But still you got to write about it in the paper, and I suppose every little bit helps in these hard times till the 11% pay rise comes along.)
Oh, there you are again in another room with the president
When I asked him his views, the president leaned back, and with a smile responded: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” (Love the literary style by the way.  Really classy. Soooo. It’s not broke? There are people who are working a full week and yet being directed to food banks; 4% of Dundee’s population to use a local figure. Vast numbers of children are living in poverty, Atos and IDS have killed off thousands of people by denying them benefit, Prince William is getting a new helicopter so he can get back from opening things in time to see wee George to bed; the NHS is being privatised and sold off in England, with consequential for Scotland; MPs have voted themselves 11% pay rise while the rest of us are getting none, or 1%; hundreds of elderly Scots die every year from cold related illness… I could go on, but are you getting the picture? Incidentally, Dougie, when was the last time any of your family went through the indignity of going to a food bank to beg for food?)

Of course he understands that the referendum on September 18 is a choice for us as Scots but as he spoke, it became clear that he believes we really are better together as part of the UK family. (On what exactly does he base that "knowledge". You do know that he's probably not even been to Scotland and knows very little about it, right?)

As a hugely admired progressive president, Obama knows and understands the modern world and its challenges. (I read his ratings were at an all-time low.)

Perhaps more than any other modern political leader, Barack Obama embodies the idea that diversity is strength.  (Against whom are you comparing him, or was that just a sound bite? Are you trying to put down for example the Icelandic prime minister who would welcome an independent Scotland, or the European president who doesn't want to see Scotland left out?)

Nationalism is not his creed. (Yes it is really. The United States is the Greatest Country under God, remember. They are fiercely nationalistic and proud.)

Unlike some others, he has no illusions about President Putin. (Are you trying to drag up that old story about Alex Salmond and Putin? It was discredited a long time ago. You're supposed to be a statesman. Say what you mean.  Silly innuendos are for gossip merchants at the water cooler.)
He thinks Labour has a chance at the next elections
Oh well, whatever. We won't notice the difference,
but he'll get a massive pay rise
I believe his views on our referendum will be welcomed here in Scotland, not least because millions of us here also don’t want to walk away from the UK. (Millions of us do, though, otherwise a person of your import wouldn't be writing articles about it and your mate Gordon wouldn't be trying to scare the living daylights out of the sick.)

At this time of year, tens of thousands of Scots are abroad for their summer holiday. (The lucky ones that aren't down the food bank?)

As part of the UK, we don’t just have a British passport (we have an EU passport) – we also have over 14,000 staff working in 267 diplomatic posts across the world to help us in times of difficulty. (You actually have all the staff in all the embassies in the European Union working for you. You probably find consular help easy to get Dougie, you being a VIP. Not so easy for others, though, I assure you. You are usually better placed to go to another consulate.)

We live in a world where what happens outside Scotland affects our prosperity, security, and wellbeing. As part of the UK, we’re a member of the EU, NATO, the G7, the G20, the board of the IMF and the World Bank, and are one of the five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council. (And what does all that do for me, Dougie? We know what it does for you. You get to ponse about mentioning over and over that you had a chat with Barack Obama. But for me, or Auld Mrs McTumpshie down the road, what does any of that mean? It means going to war when America tells us to, regardless of the legality; it means supporting America in the G8 and Nato and UN. Very soon the UK will be out of the EU. And, all this clout you talk about…when are we ever going to see any examples of it actually working? Mr Juncker one, was it?)

As a Scottish MP, I led the British Government’s work to tackle global poverty. I saw how Scottish sailors on Clyde-built warships helped to deliver vital humanitarian assistance thanks to the second-biggest aid budget in the world, directed by life-saving Scots based in East Kilbride. (Wait a minute, that wasn't because you were a Scottish MP. Anyway, you were tackling world poverty? Is it getting any better? Why were warships delivering aid? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to deliver aid without all the guns and killing? And why are we arming Putin (whom some seem to admire, according to you) and Israel? Did you discuss that with the president?)
Just an ordinary bloke like you or me
No tie. You can hardly believe that he has been
in the same rooms as the president
As Scots, we've always been outward looking. My grand-parents were missionaries in China. Scottish sailors travelled the globe and our engineers powered the Empire. (The Empire? That was such a good socialist thing, right? When Brits took other people’s lands and their resources and gave them the right to be British and worship Queen Vic? Labour liked the Empire?)

Indeed, in the past, Glasgow was known to many as the Second City of the Empire. This week, all of us will celebrate as Glasgow becomes the First City of the Commonwealth. (At the time it was the second city of the empire, there were very rich people who did very well, and most of the rest of the town lived in grinding poverty. Have you been to the people’s museum on Glasgow Green?)

So as I left the meeting at the White House, I reflected on the president’s words. (As you do when you leave the White House.) Most of us talk to friends before we make a big decision in our lives. (You asked the president, your friend, for advice?) 

As a friend of Scotland and the UK, President Obama offers wise advice ahead of the referendum. As Scots, it’s our time to welcome the world, not retreat from it. (That's what we'll be doing, instead of having it done for us by London.)

And that’s why on September 18, I’ll be voting No. (Well it wouldn't do to ask the president for advice and then ignore it?  You know what, Dougie. As I didn;t ask Barack for advice, I’ll be voting yes because of food banks and poverty and unfair social security, and nuclear weapons and illegal wars and inequality and starvation and the fact that you lot at Westminster have your heads so far up your backsides you never see any of us or our problems.  You vote No for your big fat salary and free visits to Washington, for imagined clout and for expenses, for self importance and two homes and because you clearly don’t give a flying whatsit about any of us.)


  1. Dougie Alexander is a wee nyaff, a political nobody.

    What he failed to mention was, Obama thought he WAS meeting with David Cameron - not even he can tell them apart.

    The thought of Alexander sitting like a wee lap dug by Obama's knee listening intently and fawning at every utterance - I find embarrassing.

    I would say Dougie is a wee boy masquerading as a politician - but even wee boys have more of a clue than he does.

    1. Yes, for someone with a supposedly huge intellect, he's a bit of a nobody.

      Maybe because he has, or seems to have, absolutely no empathy.

      The tone of the article is insultingly patronising. Of course he worships the White House, regardless of the incumbent, like his mate and ex boss, Gordon, who begged and begged for a meeting with Obama.

      His arguments aren't arguments. They are fluff, sound bite rubbish unsubstantiated in any way.

      I remember readoing in Tony Benn's diaries, his account of Jim Callaghan after he came back from his first meeting as PM with the American president (I think it was Ford). He apparently couldn't stop mentioning that "Gerald" said to him Jim, he said... like a wee boy who got to meet his favourite footballer.

      That's what Dougie sounded like. Pathetic.

  2. Seems the bigger the so called intellect the bigger the fool. Have to agree the whole thing made me cringe. A wee boy with another of those Scottish Cringes, that rampant inferiority complex which says, look at me, look where I got, I am sitting with the BIG BOYS, but I am just a wee inferior Scot. At least Alex can sit beside anyone and does not consider himself an inferior, he is from my reading of body language, comfortable beside anyone. I mean would you, and this is a rhetorical question, consider voting for that bunch. Miliband is sitting there in absolute awe.

    1. Yes, it's nauseating. It like "Barack lent back and said with a smile, Dougie dear boy..." and I wet my pants with excitement."

      It turns your stomach.

    2. Oooh Stop I am laugh myself that hard at that one, and I do mean that. I think the wee Dougies need pampers where ever they go.
      p.s. Dougie came up as Doggie or Druggie on my spell checker, not that I would suggest such a thing.

    3. Heaven forbid, Helena.

  3. "And that’s why on September 18, I’ll be voting No"

    You will be voting no to try and save your job you sanctimonious little windbag.

    1. Spot on. And desperately hoping that people have got so sick of Cameron that he'll get to be Foreign Secretary.

      Lord; image that.

  4. I hope his next shite's a hedgehog....moonwalking!

    1. Oh ... Hi Lochee...

      I take it your're not keen on Oor Doog then?

    2. Hi Tris, about as keen as I am on IDS. Sorry, google plus seems to think my aeromodelling i.d. is the most appropriate one for here :D

    3. LOL... Oh don't worry Alex... Google is in a bad mood tonight. Nothing seems to work right.

  5. TwoPandasOneToryJuly 23, 2014 12:28 pm

    After the nice Mr Obama was prompted by the BBC and the tories to speak up for the union the last time, I took the time to comment on the USA Huffington post forum and asked, "Obama has come out in favour of the UK union and against Scotland's free will to choose self-determination in a democratic referendum, the very thing the USA fought a war with the British for, if his comments are to be believed then the USA would be re-joining Britain in a Union very soon, without a referendum of the American people or a mandate from the Senate to do so".

    The replies were to say the least heated and aimed firmly at Obama and Cameron ;-)

    1. Obama, in my opinion, should have refused to comment on the subject, but I understand that Cameron asked him to comment, and asked the BBC to ask the question. Of course the BBC will do anything that Westminster tells then, mindful of the fact that the English culture secretary is looking at the licence fee (although, why the English one, I really don't know).

      Obama, at that point, said that it was for the Scots to decide, but he thought that the Uk was a successful partnership. I imagine that that's because he is neither poor, nor does he live here., so he doesn't actually know just what a horrible place it is to live unless you are rich.

      However, I imagine too that he would have extracted something from Dave in return. Dave wants to get everyone to help. Remember that he was desperate for Putin to help before he fell from grace.

      This fellow, Alexander, has managed by the end of his piece, to make it sound like Obama's ADVICE is to vote NO.

      That is clearly not what Mr Obama said.

      But then, when you think about it, this is the worm that turned on his sister and is a close friend of Liar Brown, the sick person scarer.

      If they were Tories, I'd say it's par for the course. But these are supposed to be Labour. The People's Party. The Party of the Working Man.

      More like the party of the thieving Lords and bankers.

      Despicable the lot of them.

  6. So wee boy Danny is going to vote no, to keep Scotland isolated from the rest of the world. With one eye and both clamy hands on his future £300 a day, in the old useless farts doss house.

    1. Dougie ffs not Danny, must proof read before posting.
      Or was it some kind of Freudian slip.........

    2. Two peas in a pod. Both with their eye on the main chance... ie a title and income for life.

  7. It looks like Ed paying homage to the King in Camelot.

    It was apparently a "brush-by" encounter with the US President, whatever that Americanism means. Probably long enough for photos but not long enough for the President to get bored with the adulation.

    That was the same problem with Blair. He was like a moth round the candle of the Whitehouse and to be on-camera in jeans and casual shirt wandering around with George Bush was enough to make him do anything. Ed will be just the same with any current or future US President.

    And wee Doug? He's just Milibands bag carrier and not that smart.

    Here's a quote from his recent interview in the Guardian.

    He describes himself as a lifelong devolutionist. A no vote won't mean no to change, but yes to the various kinds of "significantly enhanced devolution" to which the three unionist parties are now committed. "I genuinely believe we [in Scotland] can have the best of both worlds. We can have enhanced devolution – greater powers in Scotland – but within the strength, security and stability of the United Kingdom, and I think that's what most Scots want."

    Still talking crap about "enhanced devolution" and the "best of both worlds".

    1. The best of both worlds still brings us early deaths, starving children, welfare parcels form the Red Cross, beggars on the street, and clout that never seems to actually work unless it is backed by America.

      It's embarrassing to hear that the new foreign minister called the Kremlin to protest about them using the weapons we sold them to shoot down passenger jets.

      Why does anyone think that whatever his name is, the long streak of pee, phoning will make the slightest difference to the Kremlin.

      If Beijing phones... yes, I can see they might be worried; if Washington phones, likewise.

      If London phones they probably get the wifie in the canteen to take the call... or just put it on ansaphone.

      Enhanced devolution won't happen because the Uk won;t pass it through parliament unless it is beneficial to them, and not to us. It's not like its in Cameron's gift.

  8. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

    Where are those posters of Cameron's proclaiming "Broken Britain"?

    You picked out the food banks, but thetories don't accept that those are a problem, for them they're demonstrations of "Big Society", but when you can quote Cameron on saying "Britain's Broke", and then quote Obama on saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” we can take the message quite clearly:

    We need to fix it.

    And *nothing* is going to give Westminster the kick up the arse it needs better than Scotland going it's own way.

    Couple of songs for today:

    1. Brilliant point Illy...

      Broken Britain.

      Wish I'd thought of that earlier. :)

    2. Thanks for the music; I'm on that when I've answered the comments:)

  9. Dougie epitomises just why the English could not give a stuff about your referendum ,you should treasure him!

    1. Not entirely sure that treasure is a word I'd use with regard to the future lord Alexander.

      Pretty certain there are other more appropriate words.

  10. Jon in ChicagoJuly 23, 2014 6:21 pm

    A "brush-by" is an encounter that is so brief, it's as if you "brushed" shoulders with someone as you pass them by on the sidewalk. In our parlance, it denotes a meeting of no particular importance or consequence.

    As for what President Obama said or didn't say, I'd seek verification from the White House before believing he said "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Assuming for discussion's sake that he really did say it, our political culture still basks in the glow of fond memory for the 20th Century's "Great Partnership" between Washington and London, so sympathy on the part of our national leadership for London's point of view isn't surprising to me.

    Now, with that said, I confidently predict that once you vote YES on Sept. 18, Washington will quickly adjust to the new reality, our consulate in Edinburgh will become an embassy, a few politicians whose seats are up in our Nov. 4 state and Congressional elections might even announce how they'd supported YES all along (plenty of Scottish-American votes to be had), President Obama will make some sort of statement welcoming Scotland, and that will be that.

    Here's hoping you make that happen.

    1. Hi Jon. Thanks very much for that insight from Chicago.

      I'd think that in the eyes of Mr Obama, the Miliband/Alexander encounter would be just that. Of no consequence.

      Of course by this time next year it is possible, although unlikely, that Milipede will be prime minister and Wee Dougie will be his foreign minister, at which point the president will have to have contact with them, as in issuing orders, etc.

      I was thinking of bringing the White House to ask for clarification....LOL, but on reflection I decided that in Broken Britain I couldn't affords the cost of the call.

      Ah yes, the good old days of the love affair between Thatcher, the Witch, and dear old Ronnie. That was probably a little more even, although clearly she was much in awe of him. She maybe saw one of his B movies when she was young.

      But it seems to have cooled since then. Blair was only acceptable in that he did everything that Bush told him to. Even the dressing in jeans thing. How we laughed at them.

      I'm sure that you are right about post September. I hope I hear Mr Obama welcome us to the family of real nations.

      Thanks again for the info... :)

    2. Glad to help decipher our version of the shared language! And no need to call -- a search of the White House website for "ed miliband" turns up this unexceptional statement from Monday:

      And this press briefing, also from Monday:

      A search within that for "ed miliband" shows this solitary exchange between a reporter and the press secretary:

      Q And a separate subject. Ed Miliband, the Labor Party leader in the UK, is he at the White House today?

      MR. EARNEST: I’m not aware of his precise schedule, but we can check on that for you.

      Our countries' relationship will evolve with the times as it has since we broke away 238 years ago, holding as a self-evident truth that we are best governed when we govern ourselves. Presidents and Prime Ministers have gotten along very well over the decades; there will be no reason for Presidents and First Ministers to be any different.

    3. Thanks Jon, again.

      It was clearly a very big deal... Ed wasn't actually meeting the president. He was meeting Ms Rice. (for those who can't go direct from the it is):-

      Readout of National Security Advisor Susan E. Rice’s Meeting with Ed Miliband

      President Obama joined National Security Advisor Rice’s meeting today with Mr. Ed Miliband, leader of the United Kingdom’s opposition Labour Party. Mr. Miliband was meeting with Ambassador Rice to discuss issues of shared concern, including the situations in Ukraine, Israel/Gaza, and Iraq. The President and Mr. Miliband affirmed the strong ties that bind the United States and the United Kingdom. The President and Mr. Miliband met previously during the President’s visit to London in May 2011.

      No one form Obama's briefing team even knew that Miliband was there... well... that's interesting.

      Not quite the impression that wee Dougie gave, is it? You'd have thought they were considering moving in together...

      Yes, I agree. America and Scotland have always been friends... Lots of Scots moved to America to find, and found, a better life there, particularly in the 1950s when the promised green and pleasant land didn't materialise here.

      I'm sure that Scotland will be delighted to welcome your president, whomever he (or she) may be, after the next election, and I'm sure our leader, whosoever he or she may be will be welcomed in America.

      I think we all realise that we are not an important nation, but I hope we will make a contribution like iceland, Norway, Denmark , Finland and the many other small countries all over the words do.

      Jon. Thanks again for the info. much appreciate that you did that research for us.

    4. '..self-evident truth that we are best governed when we govern ourselves.'

      That's an apposite statement by our American 'cousin'

    5. Very Obvious truth. And one found out by 80% of the world.

      Even the relatively benevolent Danes made bad empire masters, never mind the avaricious Brits, French, Spanish, Belgian, German lot.

  11. Tris

    Alexander is a prick.

    1. Don't beat about the bush Anon... Say it like you see it :)

  12. Yeah I read that article in the ultra unionist London owned Daily Record, that kowtowing little weasel of a man, Dougie Alexander, and his friends of Israel and zionist master Ed Miliband, appealing to the US puppet president Obama, to DO SOMETHING to halt Scottish independence. Obama, who wants to keep his WMD's parked 30 miles from Glasgow, came out with the pathetic idiom, "If its not broke don't fix it".

    As if that's going to sway people from voting yes, not long ago the US puppet president openly lauded Ireland and its independence, as if independence was every countries right,(and it is) but here we have, a tentative Labour leader and his side kick implore the US puppet president on their first meeting, or as they call it "Brush by" to somehow speak a magic spell that will make Scots vote no.

    If you ask me its all Hocus pocus.

    1. It does seem strange that the country that got its own independence from Britain, demanded that Britain divest itself of the empire, and applauded Irish independence, would actually be against Scottish independence.

      As Jon said, above. Come the 19th September Obama will doubtless be one of the first on the phone to congratulate the Scottish government.

  13. He may be the new George Robertson. I remember seeing George in a photo opportunity with George W Bush. Sitting in those two chairs in the White House. G W Bush was sitting back comfortably in his chair, legs apart, right hand casually out to do the handshake with Robertson in the other chair.
    Robertson, wearing what appeared to be a raincoat, had to reach right across his front to take the hand and was scrunched, in a slightly bowed position, against the arm of the chair.
    He was looking at Bush but Bush was looking out at the cameras, and his expression was one of, "Who is this guy?".
    It was like watching the boss casually handing a pen back to one of his assistants.
    I suppose George Robertson reported his 'meeting' with the President, and talked about it often.
    It makes the UK look sad and small, and desperate for approval.

    1. Yes, little people of no real import do that kind of thing... ''Well, as I said to the President... or as the King said to me, sort of thing.''

      I swear that Robertson only got the job with Nato because Bush, or probably Chaney, wanted a muppet he could order about in Brussels.

      And who better to be a muppet? Give him a seat in the lords and a big office and a huge desk and let Washinton control him.

    2. BYW, I meant to say...welcome, Brian, nice to see you, and hear from you. :)

  14. According to the media in the U.S. Miliband regularly pestered Obama's office for a meeting with Obama for over three years before being granted a mere 20 minute audience with the President!

    Now is Dougie Alexander really expecting us to believe that there was any time left after all the introductory and goodbye pleasantries were made for all of the guff he wrote for the Record to be said?

    1. It's in their nature to do that. Even when he was prime minister Brown's office used to beg the president's office for personal meetings, which were frequently turned down.

      I seem to recall that one time Brown cornered him in the kitchens to see if there was a chance of a photo-opportunity.

      Pathetic little people.

      If they'd get on with running the bloody country instead of try8ing to run the world, they might do a little better. After all, look at how successfully the Norwegian, Icelandic and Finnish Prime Ministers are at that.

    2. And yeah, you';re absolutely right about the 20 minute slot... There was time for a meaningful discussion on Israel/Palestine, Russia/Ukraine and Scotland?

      Of course there was Dougie, you dickwit.

  15. Tris just a quick line to say the song is ready for sale and has video and web page up.

    Caledonia for the food banks.

    please every one have a listen and remember these guys give all profit to the food banks.

    1. I've just had an email from Martin, Richy.

      He says Sunday for the sale on itunes and Amazon.

      I will do a post for Sunday, so that people can strike while the iron is hot.

      Thanks for your update and I'll go look at the webpage.



      For those who can't wait to hear it again...

  16. Thanks to all for their support and i have included the links to watch and hear the song.


    Huge thank you Tris. You support and comments are a big driving factor for these guys. They hoped it might raise a few quid but never believed they would have so much support.

    I am lucky to get a sneaky copy and links and have posted them everywhere i can


    thank Tris and all Munguin readers.

    1. Very happy to support this Richy... because it's good music, and because it is something very close to my heart.

      I'm just leaving now for the foodbank with a wee contribution.

      We'll do our best and if everyone tweets it and retweets it and posts on FB and whatever, we should get it selling and get some food in the mouths of kids that the system is starving..