Sunday 23 January 2011

Some random thoughts that flitted through my mind....

On average, figures suggest that there are around 120 murders a year in Scotland. Why then have our newspapers and news channels been so full of one murder in Bristol? It is likely that, in the time that this has been being reported, 10 people have been killed in Scotland, and apart from the one at the bottom of my street, which I only heard about because I have very nosey neighbours, there’s been no mention of them. Strange!

Isn’t it wonderful what money and a title can do? His Nobleness Strathclyde, the Tory leader in the Lords, looks like something you would see in the ring at a cattle market. No one in their right minds would call him aesthetically appealing, and yet he managed to arrange a series of sexual liaisons with Brigit Cunningham, who is a bit dishy, even if she is 48. Of course she has been round the block a few times, but even so. Someone with Strathclyde’s looks would have, without £10 million found it difficult to pull a dead rhinoceros!

Richard Lochhead, our Cabinet Secretary for Rural Affairs and the Environment, is working hard to get America to lift a 40 year old import ban on Haggis. US import laws ban any product which contains sheep’s lungs (I didn’t know that!), but with the vast number of Americans who have Scottish ancestry, a huge market could open up for Haggis manufacturers if he is successful. Good work Richard. Another example of the government of Scotland working for Scotland.

Didn’t Her Nobilityness Warsi make a bit of a twerp of herself with her rant about Islamaphobia? She has embarrassed the government for the second time in a few days. Dave was forced to distance himself from the comments she made on dinner party conversations about Islam, and of course she put him in another difficult situation when she put the boot into the right wing of the Tory party for not making much of an effort in Oldham and Saddleworth. One of the pitfalls, perhaps, of appointing inept ministers because they tick boxes as representing a couple of minorities?

When Alex Salmond appointed his first cabinet in 2007, he reduced the number of Cabinet Minister (and therefore the cost thereof) to 6, including himself. By contrast the Labour shadow cabinet contains 10 members plus a parliamentary business manager and chief of staff, and a chief whip, who also attend shadow cabinets. Should Labour win the General Election in May, can we look forward to a doubling in the cost of the top level of government?

Gordon Brown apparently fears that journalists may have hacked his phone. The number of times it was flying across the room and smashing to pieces against a door, wall or fireplace, I should imagine no one much left him any messages. Who’d want to speak to him anyway? How incredibly dull that would have been.

Pope Benedict must lack an irony gene as he called upon the Italian government to show a strong moral example to the public following on the scandal of Sylvio Berlusconi and the underage prostitute. Who was it again that said “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Oh yes, Jesus wasn’t it? Have you heard of him Papa?

Pics: Tubs to his friends (and lovers) Strathclyde, the answer to a maiden's prayer, specially a maiden that's short of a few bob. Richard Lochhead, our man down on the farm, being force fed carrots. Baroness Warsi two steps behind her beloved leader. A Nokia after Gordon discovered that Tony had beaten him to see Obama in the White House!


  1. I imagine that Iain was trying to get through to Ed to try to find out what he was supposed to think. it must be really difficult for him...he either sides with the Tories or the SNP... and that goes right against his job description.

    Oppose, Oppose, Oppose.

    These's certainly a village short of an idiot somewhere.

  2. Why didn't the manufacturers just make haggis without the lungs? :/ Veggie haggis >>>>> meat haggis anyhow.

  3. Because they are trying to breath more life into them.

  4. Precisely what Munguin said when I showed him this piece... it's one of these 'duh' moments... unless of course its the sheep's lungs that give it that distinctive 'je ne sais quoi'.

    I think it's a bit wimpy to not eat sheep's lungs (no offence intended Danny!).

  5. LOL CH ... How could they run around the hillside's with the three legs if they didn't have someone's lungs?

  6. I think haggis must have been designed by a committee.
    Sheeps lungs, lambs liver, 2 legs shorter than the others ( for running around the side of hills )and all bagged up in a sheeps stomach.
    No wonder we only eat them once a year. Tasty though.

    When I was last in hospital I got haggis neeps n tatties every day I was in there. I asked the nurse what was the story with haggis neeps and tatties every day.
    Ah she said you're in the Burns unit.
    Boom boom

  7. ^Best joke ever.

    And I eat haggis constantly, it's my favourite food... Vegan haggis <3 I actually always preferred the veggie ones, because they're a bit lighter and you can gobble down more of them before feeling bloated, and they taste just as good if not better :)

    On the other subjects though, it's worth noting how the murders are spun. In England, it's 'oh gosh how could this happen in Merry Olde Englande?! In Northern Ireland, it was automatically reported that it might have paramilitary connections... because that's the generic line of investigation for obvious reasons. Once those leads went nowhere, it would drop out of the news.

  8. Legless sheep running round our hills? I blame the caffeine in Buckfast.

  9. Yep best joke ever Monty, and I have to admit I didn't even see it coming!! I'm thinking ... that's dreadful, imagine there being no choice...I dunno, that NHS... duh!!

  10. Had haggis on Saturday night Laz. Could eat it much more often than I do. Might try the veggie one, bound to be bits of plastic instead of lungs in there, but I'm always looking for ways to boost the 5 a day...

    I suppose they do stereotype so I imagine that a murder in Scotland is put down to drink, and so it serves us right for being 3 sheets in the wind all the time....

  11. It's the caffeine right enough John. I blame it on these English monks. It's all their fault. If everyone was just a good Wee Free, we'd have none of that!!

  12. Ha ha.. I've just seen CH's joke... (I work backwards sometimes)... Second best joke ever!!

  13. Let me try that one again, Brigit Cunningham, what right thinking man would NOT have an affair with her? "Such milky thighs"

  14. Well perhaps a married one who is leader of the Lords for the government Dean....?

    Calm down btw... Milky thighs aren't good for you at your age... incidentally, how do you know she has milky thighs?

  15. There is always so much more fun to be had when the Tories are in. We can all fall about laughing at their ludicrous comments and stupid situations that they get themselves into. It is quickly beginning to feel like it did during the reign on John clearly Cameron is going to be a John Major not a Margaret Thatcher or a Ted Heath. Odd that as I would only have thought you could only get to a big dumb ass like Major by going through a protracted “revolution” like the Thatcher era (where all the bits of the Tories fall out among themselves).

    I see that “call me”, Gideon, Lord Baldermort, wee Wullie, Baroness von-whatshername, the pickled egg and shagger Strathclyde (oh and Cleggums the pet Toy) are rolling the revolution aspect up with the silly bastard bits to save a bit of time and money and giving us it all in one big regurgitated lump. It’s nice to see the Big Society in action!

  16. how do you know she has milky thighs?

    He's seen the red benches notice board.

  17. Wow Munguin. That was a bit of a rant.

    I think thjey managed to get through the togetherness thing so quickly because they have the Blumdums onboard.

    Now what could be more upsetting to the Tores than to have to give up seats in teh Cabinet to accommodate these lefty chappies.

    Little Willie would have been Deputy Prime Minister as well as the Foreign, Commonwealth and Empire bloke, if it hadn’t been for Clegg. Now he has to settle for First Secretary... just like Labour’s Dark Lord. And he’s just one example.

    Of course David Davies was a bad enemy to make, because although his presentation was miles behind Call Me’s, he is far cleverer, and wanted to be prime minister. Then there’s the Redwood and Tebbits and... they were at war by the time the ministers had been announced.

    It never takes governments too long before some tube who can’t keep his trousers round his waist appears and makes them look debauched. It’s a pity it was a big figure (in all ways) this time. Labour had Robin Cook (yes, every bit as unbelievable) and of course Blunkett, and talking of another BIG and equally unbelievable Casanova, John Prescott!!!! Honest, they way they moan that they have to work so hard, you’d think they wouldn’t have any time for playing away from home.

    And I thought it would be Teresa May...oh well...hey ho...

  18. Are you sure that's all CH?

  19. Maybes yes...and maybes no...

  20. LOL @ Tris. Interesting about the Haggis ban involving sheep's lungs. Who knew? Honestly I'm not sure what economic benefit might actually accrue to Scotland by lifting that sheep's lungs ban. It's a much better bet to just send more prime cuts of your Aberdeen Angus beef to America. BTW, the 1/3 pound Angus Deluxe burger at that fine old Scottish food establishment, MC'Donalds, is quite good.

    Click on the illustration here and look at this baby full screen: (No wonder American cuisine is the envy of the world....LOL.)

    I do take your point about it being a bit wimpy to avoid sheep's lungs. Nevertheless, the American palate may not quite be ready for sheep lung containing haggis IMHO.

  21. Those who vote for Scottish Labour must regard eating mutton as cannibalism.

  22. It was the wrong kind of snow perhaps CH...

  23. hey Danny,

    Mmmmmmm Angus burger sounds good. I'm not sure what they put in our burgers. I always have chicken in Micky D's.

    I'm not sure I really fancy the idea of sheeps lungs, but I suppose as I've been eating haggis for a long time and I've never noticed the lungs, maybe they don't have a very strong taste!!

  24. Cannibalism drives its adherents mad doesn't it John.

  25. I think your on to something there ... cannibalism ... Scottish Labour ... madness ... Bendy Wendy ... yep, making sense.

  26. "madness ... Bendy Wendy ... yep, making sense."

    You add Mcletchie to that after his love in with BW in committee mode.

  27. See, I told you....

    Mind you, as Alex bites off bits of them every Thursday, how long will it be before he swallows some and goes mad himself?

    Don't you dare Dean :)!!

    I do have a parallel experience with Christmas puddings. Years ago, our firm sold flour to a renowned firm (who do make exceedingly good Christmas puddings). They were wanting to sell to the USA and all the ingredients had to pass FDA standards including the flour. Now all flour has a certain amount of impurities. You can always find a mouse hair or something if you try and the FDA rejected the sample we provided on some such pretext. The answer was to import American flour and certify its use in the product. Problem solved.
    When we tested the American flour, we found it contained rather a higher proportion of impurities than our own but the Americans were satisfied. Haggis makers might try importing American ingredients to overcome the problem.

  29. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...Clearly the moral of the story is, our impurities are Ok, yours are not..

    Prize for this week's best story Mr S....

    You have won a weekend in the Mersey Tunnel. (No costs paid! Mersey Tunnels can go up or down. Terms and Conditions apply)