Showing posts with label George Osborne. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Osborne. Show all posts

Monday, 8 August 2016

IF GEORGE SETS UP IN BUSINESS AS A SLATER AND ROOFER...

POINT HIM IN THE DIRECTION OF THE TOWELS THAT NEED FOLDED

He was pretty crap at towel folding, but for heaven's sake, he was just a joke as the Finance Secretary. I wish the queen joy at having him as a companion, of honour, or indeed anything else. A word to the wise, Liz, if he offers to do the roof at Balmoral, tell him to bugger off.

Wednesday, 13 July 2016

TIME FOR A JOKE

A must buy tomorrow
So Munguin mentioned that we hadn't done a joke post for a while, and that it might be an idea to do one again.

So here is it.
I imagine that the first thing Liz said was: "Welcome my dear, I'm not elected either so we should get on splendidly." It was either that or: "And what have you come as?"

Seriously, I don't mean to be sexist, but if a male prime minister had gone to see the queen wearing something with big yellow patches on like bicycle paniers, I have the feeling he'd have been thrown out before he got anywhere near the old dear, for fear of frightening her to death. The other thing I noticed about he was that you could see half way down her cleavage. Also not likely, in a man, to get past the palace guards.

Really, a word to the wise, Tess, don't. Just don't. A man wouldn't get away with it, why would you? It's not clever and it's not nice. It's REALLY not nice.
Erm, you're not serious George, are you?
You must've known Munguin was looking for jokes, yeah?
So, the first bit of good news is that Gidiot's out. Hardly surprisingly. He's made a complete mess of the economy, imposing all manenr of hardships on the poor to try to pay for the mess that Gordon Brown, Tony Blair and the bankers made of the economy. And he has succeeded in paying down the debt in as much as "paying down" and "doubling" mean the same thing. Even the madman Brown didn't lose the AAA rating. Still he'll have more time to spend with his coke.
Yep, that's the Foreign Secretary. No honest, it is!
The next bit of good news is Boris. Now I'd kinda hoped for Boris as prime minister becasue although he'd be pretty crap at it, at least we'd all get a laugh.

The likelihood of getting a laugh at Maggie May, is, I'd have to say, rather slight. So I'm thrilled that Boris is replacing the most boring man in the world, Hammond, as Foreign Secretary. In this role, he will be able to trot around the world making an ass of himself to our mirth, pretty much 24/7.

It may frighten the living daylights out of his hosts, but let's be honest, better to be frightened to death than bored to death,  Hammond's party piece.
You mean the Brit Foreign Secretary is coming?
Hammond, unlike Gidiot, isn't dole bound. He's going to be the Chancellor. So order some strong coffee for the Treasury. (You don't want a pic of him. He's about as handsome as he is entertaining.)
We're the International Trade Department.
Do you want to buy some guns?
Messers Fox and Werritty  are appointed to the International Trade Department (new one, presumably formed to encourage trade with the USA, Saudi and Israel, the only three countries Fox knows).

Amber Rudd, who recently said that she wouldn't trust Boris Johnson to drive her home (who would?), a venture capitalist and banker, is the new Secretary of State for Spying on People and Covering Up Establishment Crime. So now she has her own state limo she wont need a lift from Bojo.

David Davies is Secretary for Exiting Europe, another new department not previously required for obvious reasons.

And the Ministry of War is still to be manned by Fallon, presumably becasue he's good with leaky old nuclear submarines.

So that's Tessy done for tonight.
One way of stealing the curtains as you leave.
I do hope she doesn't inherit Mrs Cameron's personal dresser (did you notice she'd still dressed her this morning in the lounge curtains). She should really get one who doesn't need  a white stick to get over the road.
Aye, well, uh?!?
There was just a rumour tonight that Fluffy Muddle may not be reappointed as Viceroy. Wouldn't that be interesting! 

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

BECAUSE THE ONLY NEWS IS THE TORY LEADERSHIP REFERENDUM...

...And we can't be bothered to write about it. After all, either George will win, in which case we're in trouble, or Boris will win, in which case we'll be... erm, in trouble. 

So I thought we'd have a nice gentle, non demanding look at Tory hypocrisy... not that other parties don't engage in these things, the Tories are just more amusing, and more powerful.








Friday, 27 May 2016

IN OUT, IN OUT, SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT...

This blog has taken a neutral view of the EU referendum from the date it was announced. 

There is a good deal that we like about the EU, and a good deal that we don't. 

In our opinion the main protagonists in the argument so far (as portrayed by the press) have been largely from the Tory Party which is successfully tearing itself apart. That, of course, is something we have no trouble with. Although we think it was madness to stir up this bother just as the Labour Party were descending into internecine warfare over Corbyn actually being a socialist. 

A better Tory leader could have managed the internal unrest over Europe, given that it has been bubbling under for years. But then, where would one of them come from?

We can't for the life of us imagine why anyone in their right minds would trust the word of people like Farage, Johnson, Gove, Duncan Smith or Grayling on the one hand, or the word of Cameron, Gideon, May on the other. They all appear to us to be quintessential incompetents. At best they are figures of fun.

We are lucky not to have done ourselves serious damage while falling about laughing at the similarity of the arguments of "Remain" in this EU referendum to those of "NO", "UKOK", or "Better Together" in our referendum. But then the arguments of the "Leave" side have been equally outlandish. It's been like there were two Project Fears at each other's throats.

Downright lying on both side, usually by people who KNEW they were lying (or were incredibly stupid) has been a mark of the campaigns. They are treating the public like it is comprised of terminally stupid gullible idiots, ready to believe the very worst/the very best according to their newspaper of choice.

We continue to take no side, and will do until the wretched  thing is over and done with. The only way to remain sane is to laugh like a drain.

European elections have always been low turnout affairs. We suspect the turnout for this referendum will be lower than that of 1975, in itself considered low at the time (42.2%), partly becasue of its proximity to other elections (parliamentary in Wales, NI and Scotland, and local in England), and partly because of the mess that the leaders in the Uk have made of the campaigns.

For a much more serious look at these matters we recommend the excellent Doug Daniel article here. It's really first rate.

We also recommend the continuing story of Britain in the EU by Dr Craig Dalzell of the Green party. Second part now up. 
**********
**********
Next step in EURef. Jane Hill stands outside WM & does series of live updates backed by Brexit posters while ignoring Remain rally.
**********
**********
Unanimous Treasury Committee report says both REMAIN and LEAVE Campaigns are lying. It's true. Why should voters vote? ?
**********
**********
**********
**********
**********
The "we" we are using in this post is not royal in origins. Munguin has still not been assimilated into the royal family (although we might recommend him to princess Beatrice). 

We just thought that it was a collective thing, as opposed to Tris's opinion, and that it would be better expressed in the plural.

We hope you don't think we were being pretentious.

Pretentious? Nous?

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Oooops. Now we know why you like your system better, Kez.
How's that again George?
Good luck in the London Mayoral elections, by the way.
The last poll I saw you were on...erm 0%
What odds are you getting on that?
Reasonable, but some of them are far from nice. As Mr Corbyn, or for that matter Ms Dugdale or Ms Lamont. They might not think they were too nice.
Here we go again. YAWN.
Uh huh, well that worked a treat, didn't it?
Maybe he could become a gardener. I suspect they won't want him back as a towel folder.
I know you are too much of a gentleman to do it Humza, but I know what I tell the wee junior minister.
It would start and end with F.
We would if we were independent. And will when we are independent.

If you laugh at a child who is different, he will laugh with you because his innocence exceeds your ignorance
(but only just).


Both Abu and Helena have recommended THIS post on Wee Ginger Dug. 

I was asked to reproduce it here, but I'm sure that Wee Ginger Dug has more readers than I do (many of them the same) and I'm not quite sure it's the thing to do to reproduce another blogger's work, but what I'm happy to do is recommend it in case you missed it, as I had.

Thursday, 31 March 2016

TA TA TO BRITISH STEEL THANKS TO THE TORIES

Maybe Mr Cameron (or more likely Mr Osborne, who seems to be in love with the Chinese) would care to explain why, when the EU is trying to stem the flow of cheap Chinese steel, he has blocked it.
Could it be that the 40,000+ odd jobs in the steel industry in the UK are less important than George having a special relationship with Beijing?
Maybe it's just that the Eton boy like supping ale with Presidents of big important countries, and Mr Obama isn't that keen on supping ale with unimportant wannabes, so second best president will have to do?
Or maybe George (I'm not very photogenic, but things go better with coke) Osborne likes being invited to China on luxury all-expenses-covered holidays?

You have to wonder if their promise to make the UK China's best partner in the West has meant that they were prepared to block Europe's attempts to bolster their domestic steel industries. (Bet the Europeans secretly can't wait to see the back of them.)

After all Port Talbot is in Wales, Labour territory, most of the other plants are in the North... and there are not too many Tories to worry about there. 

The rest are in Scotland. And since when were they interested in Scotland? Poorest of pickings for the Tories. They can sort it out for themselves (which they did!)

On the other hand the Chinese throw a good banquet!

In other news Mr Cameron says he will not renationalise the company. Bailing out bankers is one thing; bailing out steel workers, quite another. After all steel workers don't take one to lunch at the best Mayfair eateries!

Anyone seen the English Business Secretary?

Or indeed the Welsh Business Minister?