Wednesday 4 September 2013

Random Light Relief from Politics...

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. 
On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

Icelandic valley
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." 


  1. Nice change of pace here Tris. :-)

    I see the instructions for the iron you have listed do not contain the instructions to NOT iron curtains whilst they are still hanging and the window is open!

  2. Embarrassingly, I recently did something like that. After I decorated and put the new curtains up, I noticed they were a bit creased, but I couldnt be bothered taking them down again, so I kinda held them taut with one hand and tried to steam out the creases... lazy git , huh!

    I thought the politics could take a rest. Sometimes I just get so fed up with them all and the games they are playing at our expense.

  3. Man goes to doctor.
    Patient - Doc, every time I break wind, it sounds like a motorbike.
    Doc - Bend over, and let one rip.
    Patient does as required.
    Doc - you have an abscess on your rectum.
    Patient - How does that explain the motorbike noise?
    Doc - Haven't you heard the saying, 'abscess makes the fart go Honda?'

    I'll get me coat.

    1. Not so much Boom Boom... more Broom Broom!!

  4. "On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness.""


    As for the packet of nuts warning about containing nuts ... surely the law of the jungle comes into that? Or bloody ought to!

    1. Health and Safety Gone Mad, Deano....

      Munguin's Republic: May contain words!

  5. Is that first pic a Better Together advert?

    1. Well, I suppose you could say that these little fellas a better together rather than Better Together, if you know what I mean.

      But they are WAY too cute to be anything to do with Darling Alistair and Wee Willie Rennie, not to mention JoLa and RuDa.

    2. They are all quackers though.

      Dont forget it's big fight night on STV @ 10.30pm tonight should be interesting.

    3. What did you think of it?

      Has Mr Sarwar committed the Labour Party in the UK to getting rid of the Bedroom Tax?

      What does Milibean think of it (given his refusal to answer a question on it the previous day), and will he repeal the bedroom tax on privately rented accommodation, which his government introduced?

    4. Anas was total disgrace and show just how shallow the Scottish branch of the Labour party will stoop protected by all of our MSM here, democracy!

      The bedroom tax will only go only if there is an election tomorrow is what Anas said nothing more than spin and lies.

      That was no debate as the chairman lost all control over it and it turned into a despicable shambles as were the comments from Ponsonby and McKay draw laughable.

      There are some journalists left but sadly NONE in the mainstream which is why the UK is dead in the water.

      Britain’s Global Influence Threatened by Scottish Independence

    5. Really excellent piece CH.

      Thanks for putting it up.

  6. Tris,

    Inspired by your comedy(?) I've blogged my two favourite jokes - no, not Niko and Grahamski.

    Too busy to make the rally but hope to get to Edinburgh soon if Hibs ever start winning again.

  7. The Icelandic and Faroes photos remind me of home. I sing to my dog and she loves it but I think she may be tone-deaf.

    1. I'm glad I've inspired you, John...

      And I liked your jokes... specially the one about the nails...

      I hope the wee free minister doesn't get to hear that you've been telling jokes... AND SINGING to your dog.

      You'll burn in hell lad...

      I'm sorry you won't make it to Edinburgh though. No really, I am. I'm sure you own me a pint and you definitely owe Niko one, and possibly a pint too!!

      Next year then, OK?