Saturday 27 March 2010

"We have big plans for this country - and we intend to see them through”

Not if I can help it!

Gordon Brown yesterday set out a raft of vague policies couched in management speak and called pledges, and he promised “Prosperity under Labour and Austerity under the Tories”.....

Sheeesh! Sometime I wonder what planet the man is from... if indeed any.

He made these pledges legally binding on a Labour government too. Right! The only problem is that, later, when Ed Miliband was asked on radio if, given that they were legally binding, failure to deliver would mean that the government would be in court, Ed said, no, but we could kick them out of office....

Erm, what Ed?.... I thought we could do that anyway.... It’s called democracy.... you know, what we now have in Iraq, Afghanistan and the UK... or don’t, actually, but that’s another rant.

So in reality the legal obligation thing is a gimmick that us thick “ordinary” people are not supposed to see through.

Here they are, then, along with my immediate thoughts. If you have your own to offer then you know I’d be delighted to hear them:

1. Secure the economic recovery and halve the budget deficit of £167 billion through economic growth, fair taxes and cuts to lower priority spending.

[Well, whoever gets in is going to have to do the first half of that, otherwise we will be broke. If the Retirement Pension rise completely nullified by tax increases (by failing to raise the allowances) is your idea of fair taxes, I doubt I’ll like that policy much.]

2. Raise family living standards, with low mortgage rates, increased tax credits for families with young children, helping first-time buyers and re-linking the state pension with earnings from 2012.

[How will you know if you have raised family living standards? What will the indicators be? And why not raise single people’s standards too? How can you help first time buyers when building societies ask 10-15% deposits, houses are £100-150,000, and there are student loans to repay? You can’t guarantee mortgage rates as they're commercial, and you’ve been promising to look at the pensions/earning link since Barbara Castle embarrassed you into it 13 years ago....]

3.Build a "high tech" economy, with support for businesses and industry in creating one million new skilled jobs; the delivery of high-speed rail, a green investment bank and broadband access for all.

You will create a million jobs, but your plans for downsizing the civil service and putting everything on line will lose between 1-2 million jobs. So, how does that work? The high speed rail is in England only right? How will you get broadband to all and how will they use it given that computers cost £400-£1,000, and broadband costs £30 a month? Try living on our planet for a while! And a green bank? Lord save us from another bloody bank!]

4. Protect frontline investment in policing, schools, childcare and the NHS, as well as a guarantee of cancer test results within a week.

[Can you imagine any government which would not guarantee investment in all these things? And did you know that police, schools, childcare and the NHS are absolutely nothing to do with you in OUR country? Are all these pledges just for England, or is this another "presidential debate" moment?]

5. Strengthen fairness in communities through an Australian style points-based system to control immigration, guarantees of education, apprenticeships and jobs for young people, and a crackdown on anti-social behaviour.

[Will you remember that the UK is not London and that immigration issues are different depending on where you live? Why have you not cracked down on anti-social behaviour before given that it makes the lives of millions of people unbearable? Are you remembering that policing is nothing to do with you in my country? Where will the apprenticeships be? Where will the jobs be?]

Please Gordon. Slip out into the real world quietly in disguise and find out what the hell is going on. Then go back and think again. If you can’t do that then shut the hell up and stop telling us fairy stories. We’ve heard them all before.

Remember “Things can only get better”?

Pictured: (Click on to enlarge) Labour Pledge Card, and some demented North British muppet.

PS: Don't forget to change your clocks if you're in the UK: (Spring forward, Fall back!)


  1. A nice wee song for the Gorgon. Go quietly and in peace...............

  2. Well everyone who has watched Labour over the years know that their manifesto promises are not subject to legitimate expectation, as their lawyer said in a court case.

    So now we have pledges from Mr Sheen (did you see what I did there?) :-D

  3. Very nice Anon, two beautiful voices, a lovely melody and, as I don't speak Italian (was it?) I got the message loud and clear..... You don't happen to know where we could find a song called "Bugger off you useless prat", do you?

  4. QM: Ho ho ho... not only did I see it, but I pretty much fell off my chair.... clever QM! Just polish up you act and you'll be able to take that on the road! (Did you see that I did there?)

    "Not subject to legitimate expectation" presumably translates into our language as "a pile of pants"?

  5. Labou ruined that song for me, everytime I hear "things can only get better" I think of our wipeout in Scotland, and Wales.

    The irony now is however some consolation.

  6. I suppose you would of preferred a 'Cast Iron Guarantee' then eh?

  7. Dean: I just think of the poor people who thought that things actually WOULD get better.

  8. No Nikco... no cast iron guarantee. No government canm do that. They are all in the hands of "events dear boy".

    However, I can't see the point of making things legally binding if all that we can do when they fail to meet targets is not vote for them.

    Like I say that possibility exists; iot's called democracy,in as much as a FPTP system is democracy. We don't need legal guarantees that mean zip.

    So, it's a gimmick to make the dozy punters thing that it MUST happen.

    Sickening really.

  9. "However, I can't see the point of making things legally binding.."

    Yep, like Camerons policy to make it law that there must always be new referenda before any future powers can be handed to Brussels! a europhile and a lover of the Monnet method of intergration this policy is naturally uncomfortable for me to cite...

  10. Most particularly Dean, because Miliband said that we wouldn't be able to take the government to court if they failed to honour their pledges.

    So, I see no point in it except to make it sound to voters like the pledges are obligations rather than aspirations.

  11. It is election month Tris, get used to this jargon.

  12. Dean, I've already bought the ear plugs, and I'm already sick of hearing what I know will be empty promises.

    On Labour's part, they are going to do something about the House of Lords they say.... well, yeah but that was in their first ever manifesto, more than 100 years ago, and it's still there, and it's still corrupt. They are also (along with he Tories) going to do something about the yearly increasing poverty of the old, well, it was Thatcher who created the imbalance and Labour have been there for 13 years with one of the most disgusting situations unresolved.

    We sit at the top table and take part in America's overseas wars but our pensioners shiver....sometimes to death. Talk about fur coats and no knickers.

    I don't really believe a word of it Dean, so there's not much point listening. For me the Westminster election result will be 'same muck in a different bucket'. I just hope that the smaller parties have a large enough voice this time to break the handing over of the baton from one of the monsters to the other.