Friday 18 September 2015


Yes, I received a new email from the Tories wanting to know more about me and my relationship with them. You may want to complete the form which can be found here. Needless to say, they are looking for money. 

I don't mind joining, as long as I am invited to all the posh dos in Edinburgh, transport provided, and Munguin and I are both invited to take a seat in the House of Lords. He has this notion of being Lord Munguin of Mayfair. I reckon the membership fee should be that they give us a tenner to join, and we should be put up in the Ritz in Paris when we are attending functions in London. 

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  1. Dear Munguin

    You can't be Lord Munguin of Mayfair, not just because you are a stuffed penguin - there are plenty of stuffed shirts already in the HoLs - but because the Mayfair title has already gone this very week.

    Ladies and gentlemen I give you Lady Mone of Mayfair. No seriously I give you her, please take her please.

    1. Dear PP.

      I don't care about her silly title. I'll have a word with the Queen and have her title removed. When a media mogul like me wants something, he gets it, and no old woman with a deck overlooking Tower Bridge will ever deprive me of it.

      As for giving her to me...erm. No thanks. I've already got a gardener, and general factotum...Tris. He's low maintenance compared with her, besides which I believe she has a habit when thwarted to wreck expensive motor cars.

      We don;t want the Munguin moblile scratched, do we?