NOTE TO UNIONIST PRESS...

Dear Unionist Press,

OK, let's make this clear. I'd be the first to congratulate Ruth Davidson for doubling the number of seats her party got in the General Election (even if to do so she was obliged to sort of 'Murdo Fraser' the party...that is to say heavily disguise the fact that the Ruth Davidson Unionist Tank Party of Unionists and more Unionists and the British Conservative and Unionist party are one and the same thing).

None the less, a job well done. Whatever you want to call them, Ruth appears to have, at least to a certain extent, detoxified the Tories.

But now, let's get it in to perspective, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Unionist Press! The Tankers came SECOND, not first. They have 31 seats out of 129.  The other parties combined have 98. In short they have fewer than quarter of the seats.

The SNP alone has 63 seats. That's twice the number the Tories have got, so the claim that Ruthie and her crack team are going to drive their tanks over Nicola's lawns or, well anything much, is fantasy. They would require the 24 Labour, 5 Liberal Democrats and 4 of the 6 Greens to vote with them, before they're going to make any difference in terms of votes. (Depending upon which party supplies the presiding officer*)

And with respect, how often is that to happen?

So, we all know that you are incredibly excited about the fact that instead of being the third party, the Tankies are now the "official" opposition, but please, let's get it into perspective, shall we? That means Ruth gets to ask the First Minister a couple more questions a week and Kezia gets to ask a couple less, doesn't it?

Now seriously ... keep calm and  do whatever it is you do.

Kind Regards

MUNGUIN

PS: It might be as well to remember that good though it is to have doubled your seats, to triple you seat count is REALLY spectacular...step forward Patrick Harvie.


* Craig Dalzell puts forward an interesting idea for presiding officer in this piece. I'd be interested in what other people think of it, either here or on Craig's own excellent blog.

DEAR PEREGRIN LETTERS

Yes, I received a new email from the Tories wanting to know more about me and my relationship with them. You may want to complete the form which can be found here. Needless to say, they are looking for money. 

I don't mind joining, as long as I am invited to all the posh dos in Edinburgh, transport provided, and Munguin and I are both invited to take a seat in the House of Lords. He has this notion of being Lord Munguin of Mayfair. I reckon the membership fee should be that they give us a tenner to join, and we should be put up in the Ritz in Paris when we are attending functions in London. 

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ANOTHER DEAR PEREGRIN LETTER...

Just thought I'd share this drivel with you. If it wasn't so pathetic it would be funny, and if it weren't so funny it would be pathetic. Anyone who Mr Feldman is?

Peregrin, Have your say on the future of the Conservative Party – take this quick survey on some of the most important issues facing the Party today. I want to make sure the Conservative Party keeps getting stronger - so that we can keep on improving our country and delivering security to families across Britain. So I want to hear your views on what we’re doing as a Party: how we can get even more people involved; how we can keep attracting great candidates to be MPs; how we can do even more in your area. So please take this quick survey today – your views will help shape the future of our Party: Thank you,   Andrew Feldman Conservative Party ChairmanPS. It’s important everyone gets their views heard – so please have your say now. Survey: Party Review Survey Have your say on the future of our Party Have you ever supported the Party in any other way? Please tick all that apply I’ve donated I’ve volunteered I’ve shared graphics or videos online I’ve done another activity to help the Party I've attended social events None of the above Would you ever consider doing any of these activities to support the Party? (Please tick all that apply) Donating Sharing graphics or videos online Volunteering Buying merchandise (from the Party shop) Attending social events Why haven’t you become a Member? Never thought about it Never been asked Too expensive Don’t want to get involved in local politics/be contacted by my local association Other: please state Would you ever be interested in becoming a Member? Yes No Which if any of these would make you more likely to join? (please tick as many as you like) Reducing the cost of Membership Financial incentives for joining eg money off products, special offers Knowing more about the benefits Being asked Knowing friends of yours had joined A regular Membership magazine None of the above How much do you think regular Membership should cost (current cost: £25), bearing in mind all money goes towards the Party? £5 £10 £15 £20 £25 More than £25 If you didn't become a full member, would you be interested in becoming a Registered Supporter for a small donation - or in return for giving your time volunteering, or sharing graphics online? Yes No First Name Last Name Email Postcode Your responses and contact details a