Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Unto us a child is born... and his name shall be???

I wasn't going to say any more about the birth of Prince Dwayne or whatever he is to be called, but I was intrigued to hear that Ms Lamont had not had, or at least had not expressed, an opinion on the subject, so I looked up the BBC website’s piece on Scotland's leaders' messages.

It starts off quite reasonably (for the BBC).

First Minister Alex Salmond led Scotland's congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby son. (Well, I suppose he would, although I suspect that the first minister would probably have used the Earl and Earless [or whatever] of Strathearn).

Mr Salmond said: "I am sure that people across Scotland will be absolutely thrilled to hear the news of the birth of a baby boy to the royal couple." (Of course Eck is not always right… there are those who don't care much one way or the other, but I suppose in fairness it's hardly the done thing to point that out.)

Scotland Secretary Michael Moore, who appears to be second in the pecking order, said he was delighted to hear that the royal couple, known as the Earl and Countess of Strathearn in Scotland (ah that's the word, earless makes it sound like the gal doesn't have any ears!), had welcomed a healthy baby boy. (I wonder if HE used the Strathearn title or the BBC edited it in.)

"The birth of an heir is a significant event for our country and the excitement and warmth on display has shown how much it matters to people across the UK. (He had to get that in… even though he has no remit outside Scotland and he was being asked as SOS for Scotland. To be fair to him, like Eck, he has to trot out the expected drivel, even if I've yet to see or hear of anyone in Scotland who gives a damn.)

Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson said: "It's thrilling the whole country can welcome this future king into the world. (The whole of what country, Ruth? He will possibly [it’s maybe 60 years away] be king of 17 countries… do they get a say? Why not say, THE COUNTRY or COMMONWEALTH?  Why make it political?)

Anas Sarwar, deputy leader of (imaginary) Scottish Labour, said: "Our congratulations go to the proud parents who must be delighted this moment has finally come (finally come? Has it been like 10 months or something?) and they have our best wishes on this happy day.

"The extraordinary scenes outside the hospital and the palace are testament to the joy felt all around the world for the new arrival and a fresh chapter begins in our country's future." (That's overdoing the drivel! How would scenes at two locations in London be testament to emotions in any other place, never mind all over the bloody world?)

But soft, where is the fragrant Johann? Is she in her bunker deep below Glasgow …in case Trident goes off by mistake, or so Ed can keep her hidden, or is she a republican who can't be trusted to say anything nice about the royals? Or is she just getting her pink jacket cleaned for the occasion?)

The Church of Scotland said: "The birth of a baby is a special event in any couple's life and a true gift from God." (Or... possibly the result of some royal sexual intercourse, maybe? …atheists have babies too!)

Lord Provost and Lord-Lieutenant of Aberdeen George Adam said: "I am absolutely thrilled to hear the happy news and glad to know that the Duchess of Cambridge and the baby are doing well.

"I am sure their royal highnesses will make wonderful parents (are you?) and hope that they will be given time and the privacy to enjoy this very special time together as a family." (Without people with inflated opinions of their own importance making pronouncements on it.) OK, I lied; he never said the last bit. I was just wondering why anyone asked him.

And the second big question of the day is… where the hell is wee Willie Rennie? When it comes to rent a gob, he’s not usually the hindmost.

Anyway...prizes for the person who guesses the bairn's name. I think it probably won't be Dwayne.


  1. I have heard the name Alexander being bandied about so I think Yoohan is probably in too much of a spluttering state to make any comment She couldn't bear the fact she cannot blame him for the event yet the baby gets his name

    PS I don't remember the FM mentioning the happy couples title when I heard him this AM I may be wrong though It has been known
    Gawd I hear our church bells ringing I wonder if their is a ring in organized

    1. Fairfor: I wonder...Alexander? That would put the cat in the pigeons would it not.

      I though that probably the BBC managed to organise that Eck said Cambridge and Moore said Strathearn.

      You can trust the BBC, unlike what some people are saying.

      You just can't trust them to tell the truth.

      No celebration in Dundee. I was in town most of the afternoon, alone and I never heard one mention of the baby. It's like it didn't happen.

  2. Personally, like most folks I suspect, I couldn't give a gnats whisker of a thought about the latest scrounger of the universe to join the ever growing royal screw the poor people" family. I do not want to wish harm but JEEZ if BBC,SKY and MSM keep up with this shite then I'm sure I'll find an excuse to change my mind!

    As an aside I read about SKY reporting that Camille (of the Parker-Bowles ilk) had not yet seen her grandson!!!! Now forgive my ignorance of all things paternal here but I'm pretty certain that the back end of a bus is most definitely NOT the mother of wither that William fella or Kate person (the FIRST woman in the history of humans to give birth to a baby in a London hospital!) Therefore the horse's rear end is most definitely NOT the grandmother to the latest scrounger with blue??? blood!

    1. Hi Arbroath. Nice to see you again, and in such fine fettle too!!

      Bless her, Mrs Parker Bowles likes to remind us that she is now royal and a person of some significance, rather than just Charlie's slapper.

      Have you got a name (a printable one) for the child? Remember there are prizes!!!

    2. It's nice to be back, AGAIN :-),I'm sure I can think of a few. How about Sponger the XXXX, Eyewant the First or Gimmemair the First for starters. lol:-)

    3. LOL :)

      Keep well :)

  3. Eckie would be ok after the First Minister of Scotland. There's rumours circulating that the FM photo bombed Kate's final sweaty pushes at the hospital. Waving the saltire proudly in the background.

    1. Good for Eck... always on hand with his trusty saltire. That's you down for Eck then, is it Monty?

  4. I haven't read or heard a decent 'I couldn't give less of a fuck' story yet.

    I'm sure they are about. Well, I hope they are.

    Typical British state reaction, its a form of nothing-to-see here-move-along.

    1. I like Scot Goes Pop's royal baby comment...


  5. Wolfgang or Theodopolus - take your pick!

    1. Well let you have both... that's two chances to win the major prize... Aren't you lucky!

  6. Replies
    1. John, you say Conan... well it's up to you, but I can't see it myself!

      It always reminds me of the AA Milne poem.

      King John was not a good man;
      He had his little ways;
      And sometimes no one spoke to him
      For days and days and days!

  7. I've a mind to change from Dwayne to Croesus, after all he's gonna be as rich one day.

  8. Tris,

    I see disturbing signs of deterioration in your blog i.e. the mention of "sexual intercourse". Next you will, no doubt, make reference to that most debasing of all pastimes i.e. dancing or worst still "jigging"! May your god in his infinite mercy forgive you!

    1. My bad.

      I was forgetting your Wee Free associations when I was writing this article. I shall, in future, try to remember that enjoying one's self is not only debased, it is sinful.

      I promise you no mention will be made of any jigging of any kind. Ever.

    2. "sinful" but nice, so I've heard, I hasten to add!

    3. Not what Sophia told me....

  9. Replies
    1. It's certainly appropriate, CH...

      No sure it's gonna win first prize though.

  10. Meant to say, Welcome Conan, I hope you are in rude health and getting back to the Hootsmon headlines soon!

    1. There is sure to be a headline in the birth of a little child... No?

  11. It's all shit.


    1. No Bruce...you really can't call it that!

  12. I simply feel like weeping.

  13. No you can't call it that either Jutie.

    I haven't even tried the news... can someone let me know when it's over?

  14. I do like Dwayne. But royals are given many names of course. I've always liked "Bubba." Popular in the American South. And Murray is a nice down-to-earth name. And then there are the names that every Windsor is assigned in some permutation or other.

    So I would suggest "Dwayne Bubba Murray Albert Arthur George." For a regnal name, I would hope that he chooses King Dwayne. But King Bubba the First has a nice ring to it too.

    The breathless media coverage here in the states was wall-to-wall. For some reason, Americans developed a love affair with the royals AFTER we booted the royal freeloaders from our shores. It was reported that the kid while as yet nameless was born with a title. He is the "Prince of Cambridge." I didn't know that a Prince (unlike for example a Duke or "Dukess") was a Prince OF anything. I thought of looking it up, but then I decided that such curiosity would dishonor the memory of the American revolution.

    Well OK, I DID actually look it up. There was drivel in the media about a Prince of Cambridge not existing in the royal family for 194 years. So here's what I found out about the last one. (I think I have the right guy.)


    Prince George of Cambridge—a grandson of King George III and the only son of Prince Adolphus Frederick, the first Duke of Cambridge—was born in 1819 and became the second Duke of Cambridge (meaning Prince George had titles belonging to both Prince William and now Will's son) upon Adolphus' death.

    I hope you got all that.

    I was pleased to see the connection with King George III whose royal a** we booted from American shores 237 years ago. So the name and title issue came nicely full circle.

    1. LOL Danny..

      I think if they are sons of Dukes, they have the OF title thrown in.

      So Prince michael is Prince Michael of kent because his father was and his brother is the Duke of Kent. Strangely I've never heard his sister Princess Alexandra be referred to as Princess Alexandra of Kent.

      In theory the two ugly princesses who are daughters of the odious fat thieving bastard Prince Andrew, Duke of York, should be princesses of York.

      Maybe it doesn't work for girls...

      Why am I bothering. They can call them whatever they want and I could not give less of a toss.

      Now that there's a George maybe we can persuade the Scots that they should kick his ass, just like you did with the last one. He'll only be 1 at the time, so maybe it's a bit unfair.

      George is a good English name. They tell me that his second name is Alexander, which is a bit Scottish. I can't remember the rest of his names. And, you know, I don't actually care :)

      They make all these titles up as they go along to suit themselves.

      I'm thinking of calling myself Prince Tristan from now on...what do you think?

    2. PS Bubbah is pretty neat. It has the advantage that as a baby he could probably say it without much bother.

  15. Prince Tristan works for me. No Scottish Duchy that you could be a Prince OF I guess. Cambridge must have been surprised when her Queenship decided to dredge up the old unused Duchy for William to be a Duke of. They must have a roomful of filing cabinets at the Palace just to keep track of this silliness. There's actually a lot to be said for revolution. :-))

    1. Hmmmm good point.... Clachnacuddin (Duke Of).

      I think they have a whole department of staff dedicated to who is who and where they come in the list of important people, both in London (for England and the UK0 and in Edinburgh (for Scotland) In Edinburgh it is the



      Amazing the things we find to spend money on...