PATRONISING BASKET CASES

Well, no, actually, as the IFS the Tory think tank pointed out, it doesn't. Scotland would be broke after a few weeks, because you are too wee, too poor, and far too stupid.

We were lying and being patronising, because both of these things are what we do best.

Well, except in the case of Cameron (who does a splendid impression of Flashman), it's more or less the only two things we do.

Still, at the end of the day we'll all be sitting in the House of Peers on £300+ tax free a day, with lovely money earning titles, so why would we actually give a toss?

WHY? WHAT ON EARTH FOR?

So, it's goodbye to him...

                                                               ...And it's hello to him

WHO SHOULD DEBATE WITH WHOM?

As I see it, public debate can only reasonably take place between people who hold relatively similar positions in the campaign and therefore approximately the same level of responsibility and authority.

So, that should be as follows.

Managers/Organisers of the respective campaigns

Blair Jenkins (YES) and Blair MacDougall (NO)

Chairmen of the respective campaigns

Dennis Canavan (YES) and Alistair Darling (NO)

Ministers responsible to their respective governments

Nicola Sturgeon (YES) and Michael Moore (NO)

Heads of their respective governments.

Alex Salmond (YES) and David Cameron (NO)

The idea that Alex Salmond would debate with Alistair Darling is just silly. Alistair Darling is a back bench opposition MP who will be quite incapable of speaking on the part of the UK government. He wouldn't be able to commit to spending. He wouldn't be able to respond to the questions that need to be answered, because he simply hasn't the power.

It's not a question of status. I'm sure for those that care about that sort of thing, an ex-chancellor of the exchequer is every bit as "important" a person, by British class standards, as the first minister of a celtic fringe nation. It is, however, about the authority that Darling has to commit the UK government  to any particular action. He has none, but as FM, Alex has the ability to commit the Scottish government to actions.

If Mr Cameron thinks that he is too busy running the world under Mr Obama's direction or too important to debate with a mere first minister, who may, in any case be infected by a virus, then perhaps he should send along the man who represents his government in Scotland, Michael Moore. 

However, if I believed in this thing with every fibre of my being, as Cameron once told us he did, I'm damned sure I'd not be sending along Mr Pointless to fight my corner.
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I THINK YOU MAY FIND THIS INTERESTING AND USEFUL (NOT TO MENTION HUMOUROUS) 
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For Panda Paws!

SNAPS ON SUNDAY

Like most of this prat's policies; not thought through.

But it's OK, because WE have nuclear weapons

You've been warned. Who's a pretty boy?

There are some actions that are beneath contempt, and here's your man who'll be behind a good number of them. Seriously, the kind of man who would seel his own granny

Well duh, guys...

Anyone want to buy my granny...going cheap

Spivvy  thicko

Cheap as chips is old Nick

Point to just one of them that has something between their ears

The UK figure includes the Scottish figure, so they are probably even worse off that the table suggests

Sometimes you just have to be rude, especially when it's Mr Pointless that makes the "point"

White van man. 

Better Together my arse. 

Tories...don't you just love them?

The best is yet to come...

Well, you lied about everything else, you dick

True though... how do we get rid of the Tories?

And all our mates in the Lords have made lots of money; then there will be plenty of part time directorships just that Huhne got, at fat salaries. Oh yipee, it's fun to be in government.

Well, yeah, to you it is... not so hand for us though

Michael Moore. I liked him better when he was fatter and made great movies about neo cons instead of being one

Of course you do Dave, then you can sell off the practises cheap to your spivvy mates.

Well duh, because, unlike Kate Middleton or mrs Parker Bowles, you don't have blue bloody. Jeeez, it's not hard. Concentrate.

UKOK. Never was a logo more appropriate. Off Topic. Does anyone know what happened to Blether Together?

White Van Man again.  Going back to the original white van, did it not occur to Mrs May that she is the Home Secretary. She should round up illegal immigrants and deport them if she wants them gone. Not put a van round the streets with a message saying "please go home". 

As always, click on imagines to make them readable.

SUNDAY SNAPS

Gotta love Die Deaprtment für Arbeit und Renten und Führer Duncan Smith

I wonder who we blame...

Live with it. That's Britain today.

Weasel words you say? I think that's a tad unkind to weasels, don't you?

Nah, he can't have said that. After all he's done it.

The Scotsman... yes, The Scotsman. A little lie down I think.

No point in protesting little mouse. The Tories is the Tories. They would squeeze money out of a dead peasant

Not just something of the night about this creep. Something of the highwayman too!

Er No. Silly question.

It's so frustrating to have to live like this when we could live like them, if we didn't have to buy auntie Nellie all these fur coats.

The Herald. Yes, The Herald. 

O Lordy. You have to feel sorry for them, don't you. The Fear Monger must have been on holiday and left the apprentice fear monger  in charge. We've already done that one, Michael ,you twerp. Try something that hasn't been debunked.
Click on images to enlarge.

LIBERAL FLIGHTS OF FANCY

It occurs to me yesterday's intervention by Michael Moore (or as Peter Bell calls him Mr Pointless), surpasses in stupidity all previous attempts by him to undermine the cause of independence.

He announced that border posts would be erected between Scotland and England and that even farm tracks and side roads would be manned by armed guards.

The notion has been raised before (perhaps by Captain Darling?) and, as I remember, it was put in its box at that time.

The British Isles is a common travel area. There are at present five different jurisdictions which enjoy freedom of travel sans passeport or other travel documentation  States of Jersey, States of Guernsey, The UK, The Republic of Ireland, The Isle of Man. 

Three of these jurisdictions are not even in the EU. 

During the years of "the troubles" in Ireland, there was still freedom of travel between the republic and the province.

Why on Earth would the UK want to have border posts between England and Scotland. It would inconvenience travellers and disrupt trade between the two nations. It would serve no useful purpose and it would cost a fortune. There is no guarantee that an independent scotland would agree to man their side of the border, deeming it unnecessary.

The only conclusion one can draw is that the Uk authorities would choose to be awkward with Scotland for the sake of being awkward with Scotland. In other words they would behave like a petulant child.

Either that, of course, or Mr Pointless is fibbing?

Ah, Project Fear's idea of positivity!
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I was intrigued to read in the Daily Telegraph that the government in London has suggested that pensioners will have to remain in their jobs until they are 70. Not this time because the   government can't afford to pay pensions (although it can't), but because the UK is running out of workers.

That's an interesting concept, given that there are millions of people who are unemployed and England is apparently overrun with "foreigners". But according to the Department for Work and Pensions' Steve Webb (so the usual warning apply and pinches of salt are available on request), employers will need to fill 13.5 million job vacancies over the next 10 years, but only 7 million young people will leave school and college during that time.

Webb tells us that this is not a plan to force people to work “into their seventies and beyond” but was aimed at preventing older workers dropping out, perhaps through treatable health problems. The article mentions that McDonalds have found it useful to have older and younger people working together.

“This isn't ‘work ‘til you drop,’” Webb lied, I mean, said. “This is actually enabling people to carry on, and in most cases that is good for their wellbeing as well.”

This translates into: "This is a plan to reduce people's uptake of pensions to save us money, because we are Tories (well, as good as) and we don't like paying out state money to ordinary people. Just because their health is deteriorating doesn't mean that they shouldn't be forced to work in McDonalds. It will be good for them. I myself shall continue 'working' from the red benches in the House of Lords until my state funeral and possibly after."

To think I once contemplated voting Liberal Democrat! Is there one 't' or two in prat?

Unto us a child is born... and his name shall be???

I wasn't going to say any more about the birth of Prince Dwayne or whatever he is to be called, but I was intrigued to hear that Ms Lamont had not had, or at least had not expressed, an opinion on the subject, so I looked up the BBC website’s piece on Scotland's leaders' messages.

It starts off quite reasonably (for the BBC).

First Minister Alex Salmond led Scotland's congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby son. (Well, I suppose he would, although I suspect that the first minister would probably have used the Earl and Earless [or whatever] of Strathearn).

Mr Salmond said: "I am sure that people across Scotland will be absolutely thrilled to hear the news of the birth of a baby boy to the royal couple." (Of course Eck is not always right… there are those who don't care much one way or the other, but I suppose in fairness it's hardly the done thing to point that out.)

Scotland Secretary Michael Moore, who appears to be second in the pecking order, said he was delighted to hear that the royal couple, known as the Earl and Countess of Strathearn in Scotland (ah that's the word, earless makes it sound like the gal doesn't have any ears!), had welcomed a healthy baby boy. (I wonder if HE used the Strathearn title or the BBC edited it in.)

"The birth of an heir is a significant event for our country and the excitement and warmth on display has shown how much it matters to people across the UK. (He had to get that in… even though he has no remit outside Scotland and he was being asked as SOS for Scotland. To be fair to him, like Eck, he has to trot out the expected drivel, even if I've yet to see or hear of anyone in Scotland who gives a damn.)

Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson said: "It's thrilling the whole country can welcome this future king into the world. (The whole of what country, Ruth? He will possibly [it’s maybe 60 years away] be king of 17 countries… do they get a say? Why not say, THE COUNTRY or COMMONWEALTH?  Why make it political?)

Anas Sarwar, deputy leader of (imaginary) Scottish Labour, said: "Our congratulations go to the proud parents who must be delighted this moment has finally come (finally come? Has it been like 10 months or something?) and they have our best wishes on this happy day.

"The extraordinary scenes outside the hospital and the palace are testament to the joy felt all around the world for the new arrival and a fresh chapter begins in our country's future." (That's overdoing the drivel! How would scenes at two locations in London be testament to emotions in any other place, never mind all over the bloody world?)

But soft, where is the fragrant Johann? Is she in her bunker deep below Glasgow …in case Trident goes off by mistake, or so Ed can keep her hidden, or is she a republican who can't be trusted to say anything nice about the royals? Or is she just getting her pink jacket cleaned for the occasion?)

The Church of Scotland said: "The birth of a baby is a special event in any couple's life and a true gift from God." (Or... possibly the result of some royal sexual intercourse, maybe? …atheists have babies too!)

Lord Provost and Lord-Lieutenant of Aberdeen George Adam said: "I am absolutely thrilled to hear the happy news and glad to know that the Duchess of Cambridge and the baby are doing well.

"I am sure their royal highnesses will make wonderful parents (are you?) and hope that they will be given time and the privacy to enjoy this very special time together as a family." (Without people with inflated opinions of their own importance making pronouncements on it.) OK, I lied; he never said the last bit. I was just wondering why anyone asked him.

And the second big question of the day is… where the hell is wee Willie Rennie? When it comes to rent a gob, he’s not usually the hindmost.

Anyway...prizes for the person who guesses the bairn's name. I think it probably won't be Dwayne.