Tuesday 30 November 2010


Well, as you know, I’m all for a bit of plain speaking.

As you also know, I treat myself to a good loud guffaw when politicians, who are fond of the same, forget that not everyone (including their party leaders/bosses) is quite so keen on it.

You see, I think that, whilst plain speaking is the best way to make sure that no one can possibly be in doubt as to what you mean, it can also be extremely offensive.

For example, this afternoon I was obliged because of the snow, to make use of a bus, something I almost never do in Dundee because of the horrific cost (£1.20 for a couple of bus stops that would have cost me about 10p in the car), not to mention the rude staff, awful driving, and less than agreeable company. So whilst I was being fleeced by National Express this afternoon this utterly enormous woman barged past me (a skinny wee thing) standing on my toe in the process and plonked her not inconsiderable girth onto a double seat leaving no room for anyone else. Now plain speaking would have involved the words, fat, ugly, ignorant, foot, ouch, and a few expletives. But as her rolling on me would likely have seen me confined to Ninewells Hospital (a place no one in their right mind would ever want to be) I made do with “excuse me” muttered sotto voce and smiling in her direction.

In short, there are times where plain speaking is the right thing to do, and times when, frankly, it is not. As I’ve said elsewhere Old Lard Young made a dreadful mistake pooh poohing the recession. “Some have never had it so good”, he ventured, but Nick Cameron was at least mindful of the fact that some people, whose votes he wanted badly, were hurting like hell, and it was OK for that old fool sitting there in the upper house without a thought for people who actually have to be elected. The same could be said of dear Howie (big gob) Flight, who having secured his income for the rest of his miserable, went about making poor old elected politician’s lives hell with his belly rumblings about the lower orders and their breeding habits... Ah how quickly the aristocrat forgets the ways of the ordinary man.

Now we hear about another person who won’t be too worried about losing his seat, or his job, because there ain’t gonna be any bailiffs waiting to take away his Ikea. His Royal Highness, Prince Andrew appears to think that any kind of investigations into British Aerospace paying princes loadsamoney for favours, was all a damned nonsense, that the son of the head of state of the country he was in was dishonest, and that the French “en generale” were corrupt. All said towards the end of a lunch in Kyrgyzstan. (Ah, that explains a lot about his plain speaking; he was pissed).

Ho bloody ho Andy you big fat twerp (well, I know you appreciate a bit of plain speaking), that’s rich coming from a prince of the country where over half Mummy’s MPs and a good number of Mummy’s ministers were on the fiddle, not to mention a very sizable number of Mummy’s Lords.

Now I don’t know if the French are corrupt. My impression is no more so than most others (Chirac excepted), but coming from a Brit, it’s a bit on the bloody thick side.

Incidentally, why exactly was it, you privileged knob, that Timur Kulibayev, the son of the Kazakh President, bought your house, after it had been on the market for years, for £15 million, 3 million over the asking price? Nothing erm dodgy there Andy? No deals or anything?

Bloody idiot.

Pics: (1) The Noble but Unemployed Lord Young, who doesn’t have to worry about voters. (2) Something went wrong here. I Googled Howard Flight and got Howard the Duck, but as he was prettier, I just kept him. (3) Prince Tubby, making the kind of fool of himself with women 1/3 of his age, that he is best known for. (4) Well with such a depressing load of ugly old things, I thought a nice pic to cheer us up. This is Kirgizstan, and it looks good enough for a holiday, don’t you think?


  1. Tris

    You met me Mother in law I see still you lived to tell the tale.

    The last time i got on a bus there was a great big massive tv set stuck in that luggagey thing a few stops later two drunks got off carrying all their worldy belongings in a few carrier bags and that T.V

    Me and Mrs M did laugh oh we did laugh and laugh
    a fu#king telly on the bus and the driver never said a word

  2. Well Niko.

    I'm not sure that I've lived to tell the tale. I may wake up screaming in the night. She was horrific. You make sure Mrs M doesn't turn out like that, mind from what Spooky said, I think you're safe there!!

    You know, there's nothing like a good drink when the telly's on don't you think. I mean most of the pap they put out, you'd need to be 3 sheets in the wind to watch.


  3. A glass or two too many of the port over at your place I'd say Conan... Utter havers.

    Brilliant Hootsman though ....

  4. Tris,

    Buses, buses, is that not where you proles fart at each other in confined spaces. If I had my way there would be trams in Edinburgh which would be much faster, safer, and create less of a disturbance when I'm taxi-ing to the House of Lards.

  5. I did wonder about the smell on the bus. I just thought that was how buses smelled.

    Erm, I know you only imbibe on days with a "Y" in them, but you did know, didn't you, that the House of Lards is in London, Abroad, and they won’t have trams because they have Boris and even Bendy Busses are too much for Boris .

    Have another glass of that Meade. I’m sure Munguin put something in it, just don’t know what!

    (For those for whom that last line was complete mystery I’d refer you to Ms Pangloss’s place ...)


  6. "half Mummy’s MPs and a good number of Mummy’s ministers were on the fiddle"

    Prove that statement, prove that 50% of the govt is on the fiddle. Plain speaking is one thing, but lies are quite another.

  7. Dean: The Telegraph reported at the time of its investigation, that more than 50% of the members of the Commons had overclaimed, ie fiddled, their expenses. Half was generous.

    I do, of course, refer to the time of the report which was over a year ago, and the ministers I'm referring to were Labour ones, including the then Finance blokey Darling. I did use the word "were" as opposed to "are". Probably fewer are fiddling now.

    Mind you, I recall that a certain David Cameron was ordered to repay for claiming for removing Wisteria from his chimney, so that he could do his job as an MP better...

  8. I do hope Dean was actually able to read your piece while sober Tris. It is as is usual on this republican blog a critique of the undemocratic and the hereditary as you would expect from a republican blog. Dean it seems labours under the misapprehension that all this republic around us here is simply a mouth piece for the SNP that spouts nationalist propaganda. I have said again and again that this is a “REPUBLICAN” blog, the clue being in the name. So I am not surprised to see a lack of the unbiased SNP bashing that Dean thinks we ought to have here and an awful lot of Lords and Princes and corrupt minster bashing which is what I for one think is the correct meat and two veg for a republican blog. If they are going to do the usual beauty contest for blogs next year can I please request that we have a category for “republican blogs”, and that is not because I think that this blog as the only republican one will come out at the top (any true republican would not care a fig where they come in such a contest as long as it was democratic and fair), but because if might finally stop people like Dean thinking that this blog is an SNP one!

  9. How hilarious the UKs hereditary business ambassador thinks that the French are all corrupt, no doubt he would be shocked to learn that there is nepotism in France as well and that people might get on because of how much money they have and who they know or are related to. Shock! Horror! Those nasty foreign frogs, are they not aware of the benefits of an English speaking democracy such as that in England?

    Oh wait a minute “air miles”.... that would be England where according to the Daily Telegraph 50% of our elected representatives were on the hey-diddle-diddle making sure they got their tudor beams, loo seats and pantyhose. Elected under a system that sees that 75% of seat never change hands. Seats that are more or less lifelong sinecures. A system where 50+% of votes don’t count at all and where the number of votes cast for any party bears no relation at all to how much representation that party gets in the elected chamber. A system that sees corrupt electoral practises like postal votes for the dead, postal votes that having been counted get lost and gerrymandering as a way of life for whatever party happens to be in power. Then of course we can mention that some of our MPs are not happy to simply represent the people, however, badly. They need to have jobs all over the place to keep their fingers in all sorts of pies.

    Then we come to our other House of Lords. No need to mention corrupt electoral practices here, as this chamber of “experts” is not elected at all. But nevertheless corruption seems to be rife. With their lordships taking every opportunity to suck the state dry by pretending that they live here there and everywhere and claiming expenses, mileage and so on, on top of their fee for turning up. So rather unlike the French Senate which is elected, here we have a totally undemocratic house stuffed with party placemen on the take. What a great British achievement!

    Then we move on to “air miles” dear mummy to whom of course he owes his job as a UK business tsar. Let’s face it his mediocre career in the armed forces would only really have qualified him to be a security guard at ASDA. He only ever got to be an officer because of mummy as he is as thick as mince and he only ever got his job as business rep because of mummy too. His brother “old big ears” will eventually land the best job in the country because of who he is and not through any merit, never mind a, heaven forbid, election!

  10. Wow Munguin... Do you stop to take a breath?

    You're right though. People accept the system here because that's the way it has always been, but no one in their right minds would come up with a system like this now.

    It is rotten to the core. Of course I'm not in the least suggesting that the French ones are, or are not as bad, but at least there you can get rid of them. (I would have thought though that Dumbo’s intervention à la his daddy, will make it rather difficult for his maman next time she has a rendezvous or a tête à tête avec le president de la république!!!)

    Here, you are stuck with the head of state, the Upper House of soon to be over 1000 people, and more than half the 650 Commons lot because of the stupid FPTP system. We must be the most over-governed country, and most of it by placemen, in the world.

    I think we need a Senate (elected for 54 years on a rotating business) of 100, a lower house (not called the Commons) of about 300, elected by PR and England needs a parliament of its own.

    Of course what we REALLY need is an independent Scotland and they can stuff their silly, antiquated, cosy, comfortable, jobs-for-the-boys government where the sun doesn’t shine.

  11. Tris I’ve just seen one of those house of Lords “experts”, Lord Coe, in Zurich with that idiot David Beckham (what a great advert for England he is with his IQ of about 4) and “call me Dave”. All three are busy doing a cringe worthy, toadying-fest to try to get the World Cup for England. Oh and Prince William is there too. So that’s a Lord, a Prince, a Prime Minister, and an inarticulate football star. What hope have Moscow got? They should have defrosted Lenin and sent him over. They shouldn’t have any problem it seems that the committee that decides on who gets the World Cup is as bent as a nine bob note. So despite the fact that a British newspaper blew the gaff on their cosy bungs for votes they have every chance of success with the three stooges and Beckham in attendance.

  12. Tris have you not been over to Dean’s blog this morning where he wastes a great deal of time and words on sneering at Ireland’s predicament. And then gets down on bended knee and gives praise that Scotland is not independent or it would be deep in the brown stuff as well. Seriously and without tongue in cheek he skates over the fact that financial regulation from London has dropped us all in the hot cock-a-leekie.

  13. Yes Munguin. An impressive line up.

    I'm a bit mystified. I thought that William was a search and rescue helicopter pilot. I'm hoping no one needs neither searching for, nor indeed rescued while he's away doing other stuff.

    I knew that God Coe was in charge of the Olympics. I did not know that he was anything to do with the World cup. He'll soon have as many jobs as he has titles.

    David Clegg flew out to Zurich, then back to London to do PMQs (because Nick Cameron was away to bend over in front of Mrs Clinton), and then he flew back to Zurich again. So much for all these days on his bike saving the bloody planet. But I was thinking...I'm glad I'm not paying his air fares, because doubtless they will be at least business class, and he'll travel with a pile of skivvies, then I remembered that I knew who was paying.


    I think you're a bit unfair to their lad Beckham. He's not a guy lad really and frankly if you offered me the choice of spending the evening with Wales, Eton Boy, Sir Lord Prince Coe or David Peckham, he'd be an obvious choice.

    OK he's not the brightest button in the box, but at least he's himself... and I bet he'd buy the drinks. I bet any money you like that the other three are as tight as drums.