Tuesday, 17 May 2011


I don't know how true they are but they are a bit of a laugh even if some are a little risqué:

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.


  1. My keyboard is frozen! velly good. ps did Niko write no 8?

  2. tris

    I notice that blogger still hasn't returned some of your readers comments so I'll have to repeat my post about Thatcher.
    Dean said that Maggie had made Britain proud abroad. I didn't agree and pointed out that Maggie had..

    1. Supported the mass murderer Pinochet who killed and disappeared thousands in Chile.

    2. Supported the racist apartheid regime in South Africa.

    3. Supported the murderers of Yvonne Fletcher and helped them to board a flight back to Libya.

    4. Removed the protection for the Falklands and left it open for invasion resulting in 1,000 troops losing their lives in the battle to retake the island.

    5. Supported Reagan during his Contra wars in South America where Ollie North swapped drugs for guns and removed leaders he didn't like.

    6. Sent troops to fight Saddam Hussein while chasing them for non payment of poll tax.

    7. Signed any treaty that ceded more power to the corrupt EU.

    8. Used Scotlands oil to build 'spiv city' in Canary Wharf.

    9. Claimed to be fighting terror in Northern Ireland while holding secret talks with the IRA

    10. etc

  3. I doubt it CH... would he recognise one if he saw it?

  4. Oh, I'm sorry your posts were lost Hugh.

    I remember that one and said that I agreed with it.

    When these "leaders", as they like to be called...["elected representatives", I prefer to call them, because that is what they are. Most of us don't "follow" any of them... so the "leader" bit is all in their own wee minds] decide to send people to war, so that they can pretend that they are "Winston" and win approval from rather too many people who like to give Johnny Foreigner a damned good thrashing, they should keep in mind that it is "PEOPLE" they are killing.

    It doesn't matter a whit to me whether the people are Scottish, English, Argentinean, Iraqi, or whatever; they are people, dads, sons, mates. They personally have done nothing to you or me. And stupid ill informed maniacs like Thatcher and Blair, who only care about going down in history, send them off to war.

    I'd reinstate the rule that says the "leader" must go and "lead" (at least they used to do that, not like this lily-livered bunch of wannabes.

  5. This reminds me of the ridiculous things people put on their motor insurance claim forms lol

  6. Same sort of thing Munguin. Like I say, I don't know if they are genuine, but, having fallen about at what some people write on their job application forms and letters, I can imagine that they probably are.

  7. No 1 was written by mum Shanks.
    No 5 Any wonder as the wall was plastered.

  8. You should write them yourself CH.