SOPPY SUNDAY

1: Hello, I see it's Sunday again.
I'll take you on a tour.

2: Love these trees, just coming into flower in Dundee now.

3: Sleeping with his teddy.

4: British Virgin Islands. I wonder if that's Dave's house?

5 : The cheeriest of spring sights.

6: Swiss valley.

7: Another cheering spring sight.

8: Hello there. This is my post

9: Do you think if I hold this lead, he'll get the hint?

10: Black beach in Iceland.

11: Dinner time.

12: Mr Bison.

13: Wanna make a chain?

14: Is that lunch I see on the horizon?

15 Ireland.

16: I reckon I could make the dressage team!

17: Bertie!

18: Lest John should think I had forgotten my promise to No 2 Daughter.

19: You otter be able to swim for yourself!

20: I'm just getting weighed!
They say it's no biggie, but I'm not sure.

21: I'm pretty cute, aren't I?

Bugger le Panda sent me the link for this video. It's just joyous.

22: OK, I'm watching you and that's yer lot for this week.
Come back next week... or else!

Grateful thanks as ever to contributors, Panda Paws and  Bugger le Panda.

SOPPY SUNDAY

This isn't really a part of Soppy Sunday. However, a reader whose name shall remain anonymous, but who comes from a wee island in the middle of nowhere, and  who, as we speak, should rightly be sitting on a rock hard bench listening to the minister preaching fire and brimstone at him because of his sins ... (but is probably sitting in a bar), threatened to scream and scream and scream if there weren't Giraffes in this weeks edition.

Mindful of the kind of disturbance that that would cause on the Sabbath in those devout parts of our kingdom, and that the said reader would likely be carted off and bade read his Bible till midnight and with no alcoholic sustenance, I took pity on him (and his neighbours) and added these two pics at the last moment. After all we need all the readers we can get. Even daft ones.

1: Hello, I was just lying here wondering when you'd pop in...

2: Wanna make something of it?

3: We're off for a swim. Coming?

4: That crow thinks he's something with that knife. But just look at my beak, Crow, and eat your heart out!

5: I've been lumbered with the babysitting! (Bugger le Panda)

6: I'm just so happy to be alive I'm jumping in the air.

7: Gerry's view of the week.

8: Olafsfjordur, Iceland

9: I'm not altogether happy with the sleeping arrangements here. (Bugger le Panda)

10: I'm only a few days old, but already I weigh more than you!

11: Will I be THAT big one day?

12. (Bugger Le Panda).

13: Motherhood.

14.

15: I needed that!

16: Crofters Cottages in Skye.

17: Venezuela.

18: Newcastle England.

19: Hawaii.

20: Isn't this just the ticket. My own bath!

21: Ah you catch me having my lunch. Hope you enjoyed my pictures.
Come back next week...

As always Munguin is  grateful for the photographic contributions of readers, Gerry, Panda Paws and Bugger le Panda. Thanks guys. 

Monday and for a few days after, we are featuring guest posts from Abu, our friend from Malaysia, who has written a superb piece on the upcoming elections. Munguin has said I can have a few days off (without pay). 

I hope you'll support Abu, as you have me.

Some tips on love and relationships from kids between the age of 5 and 10...

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough money to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, because she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
(Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

"I'm in favour of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

"One of you should know how to write a cheque because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU":

"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8)

THE END IS NIGH, VERY NIGH or CARRY ON CAMPING

Back in March, you may recall (if you were paying attention, which I hope you were) I relayed to you (as part of my self-imposed public service remit) a stern warning from an American reverend gentleman of the Evangelical Church of Utter Nutjobs, a certain Harold Camping.

The “End of the World” was nigh, he informed us. We had less than two months to get ourselves sorted out and prepare for RAPTURE.

Well, I’m here to tell you (reminded by Danny, our man in America with his finger on the pulse of the Church of Utter Nutjob’s activities) that the nearly two months is up ...tomorrow. So I hope you’ve heeded the warning, repented your sins and left your affairs in good order, because those of you who have been good will, tomorrow, be raptured and taken up into Heaven, and the rest of us will be left here on Earth to face the consequences of our evil ways with earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, Nick Clegg and other natural, and unnatural, disasters.

Now the good Mr Camping neglected to intimate to me, exact details of the actual hour at which this will occur, so this may be the “last post” of mine that you will ever read... and if somebody has been very sloppy with the record keeping up there in Heaven, or indeed the “system is down”, and I myself am “raptured”, this may even be the last post that I shall ever write.

Failing that (and you'll remember that the good reverend has a rather dubious record on accuracy when it comes to predicting the world's end), I’ll see you all on Sunday.

Bonne fin de la semaine ou du monde, et bon rapture (maybe)!

LETTERS TO THE LANDLORD

I don't know how true they are but they are a bit of a laugh even if some are a little risqué:

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE.......

This just in from the friendly folks at Sky News.

It's official: the Prime Minister WILL be wearing a morning suit for The Wedding!

There is some confusion over a previous steer, that he would wear a lounge suit. That had provoked some derision along the lines of "Call Me Dave" trying to be just like one of us, man-of-the-people, not-posh-at-all, etc, etc. .

Apparently, the earlier briefing was wrong and he’d "always" intended to wear tails - and why not? If you can't get dressed up for a Royal wedding, then when can you? (The alternative to that is that a message came down for the palace telling him to smarten up and toe the line otherwise they would stop supporting him, no matter how much he doubles the Queen’s income. But silly me, that would involve a U-turn...tsk tsk. As if!)

However, Mr. Cameron is not quite going for the Full Monty (phew, that's a relief!): he'll be wearing tails, but, I am told, no top hat. (Hopefully there's a shirt in there somewhere.)

Wow, wow and treble wow. Now isn't that just the singularly most exciting thing you ever heard?

Elsewhere, Mrs McGinty's cat got stuck up a tree in Auchinmacshoogle and Jeemy McTumshie had tae get his dad's ladder and get it doon.

More really interesting stuff that will keep you awake tomorrow from Sky via Munguin's Republic.

You read it here first.