Tuesday 12 April 2011


The minute that the wedding of William and Kate Middleton was announced to be taking place around the time that the de facto income tax increase and reduction in tax credits would be felt in pay packets “up and down the country” (why is it always “up and down, why not “down and up” which is what it would be if you lived “up north”?), I suspected that this was a cunning plan to distract the distractible from the start of the painful truth that “things are only getting...erm.... worse”.

I can see the planning process in my mind’s eye, as if I were there...

“Now Gideon, old thing, when all this bites there’s going to be the most frightful stink. What can we do to distract the masses?”

“What about a royal wedding David, erm, I mean prime minister. You know how the terminally sloppy can easily be distracted by a handsome young man in uniform and a beautiful bride in white with loads of kings and queens and trumpets, plus we’ll all be invited... How jolly."

“Spot on Gids old bean. I mean it worked for Mrs Thatcher when she hitched Charles to Diana. Just the job. Best it were done soon anyway; he’s starting to look like his uncle Edward. And we can give the proles a day off work. Industry will kick off a bit but we can hint at a few knighthoods and that will shut them up. Splendid fellow, Gideon. I knew you’d come in useful one day.”

So, I suppose it was not terribly surprising that Cameron ventured “up north” to Manchester, (18 hours south of here by Virginrail, but up north to those who count anyways) to promote the wedding.

Yes, the UK prime minister was promoting the wedding (good use of his time) and telling people who were having trouble with planning permission that “families should ignore the bureaucracy and push on with their celebrations”. (Only “families” note, so if you're single, beware!)

He is apparently angry that some local authorities have created obstacles limiting the “fun” on the bank holiday. This is the reason, he thinks, that relatively few parties have been organised so far. (On the other hand it could be that few can afford them, or that few care, or that local authorities don't have the money).

Cameron is holding a party in Downing Street on the day of the wedding, so that should be jolly... all the neighbours can come and have jolly fun... imagine how much fun that will be. Lots of "jolly" and lots of "fun". Golly Gosh!

A “senior source” (makes it sound like elderly bottled water) said: “What we are basically saying is ignore your council if they try to put you off.

The only permission you need is to close the road and then you can have your party.

OK, so apart from the dodgy grammar, which we might have expected to avoid given the expensive education that ''senior sources'' have undoubtedly had, it appears that the advice Downing Street is giving to people is that, as long as there can be a road closure, ignore anything else.

Never mind that the neighbours don’t want it; never mind the hazards or the noise or rubbish or anything else. Just defy the local authority, party and most of all, forget the tax rises.

Ewwwww dangerous ground Mr Cameron....Who is it that cleans up the mess and takes all the rubbish away? Ah yes.

NB. If you live in Scotland, before you decide to take him at his word and break the law, it might be well to remember that Mr Cameron’s remit does not extend to undermining the police or local authorities in this country.


  1. Tris.

    "Munguins Republic" the name of this blog suggests it's not Royal affiliated lol.

    I do wonder the motives of having a Royal wedding during the times of cuts and may well be a ploy to redirect peoples minds.

    I don't think Cameron will need to worry about Scottish councils stepping in the way of street party's,people here ain't interested in all that artificial pomp and tack although I have sent off for my Franklin Mint Royal Wedding gold coin which has set me back £670,000. Not ad for a dust collector.

  2. Sorry a bit off topic.

    I just watched Tavish Scott on New night Scotland and he was a complete disaster. Gordon Brewer tripped him up in every question and they were not the hardest of questions. Poor Tavish lol.

  3. Tris and Allan,

    Do not be so cynical - have you never heard of true love? My old flame Barbara Cartland used to write about it in more romantic times before sex was invented. Sadly, I'll be washing my hair that day otherwise I'd be out Morris Dancing at our street party with the best of them - if only I lived in a street.

  4. They want to wait until Mrs Thatcher kicks the bucket; then there will be plenty street parties!

  5. Allan:

    I’m aghast! I don’t know where you got the idea that this blog was in any way against the royals.

    Oh, no wait a minute, I do.....

    This is not a state occasion. It’s a marriage of two people, who apparently love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives living together... if you could call it together when they will have dozens of homes, both personal and council owned and some of them will have so many rooms that it would be possible to spend days searching and never bang in to each other.

    (As an afterthought, with all that room you’d have thought that Charles and Di could have made a go of it, even if they hated each other like poison, given that it cost the country so much bloody money. For most of their “subjects” 3 rooms the size of potting sheds is the deal, and the only place you can escape the wife [or husband] is the lavatory. But you can’t spend all day there... believe me, I’ve tried.)

    I’m glad you got your bit of tat for the display cabinet. It will go nicely with the coronation mug, the Chick and Di mug, and the queen mother’s 100th birthday chamber pot, with the hand painted periwinkles. I expect it was made in China.

    I’m told that the wedding will bring in zillions for the British economy though. Well Mr Cameron said it so it must be true. I was checking around some of the hotels in Dundee, and do you know, people must be leaving it very late. There seems to be no increase in bookings at all over that weekend.

    Odd that!

  6. Auch bless wee Tavish.

    He’s just too nice. Really the man should have stayed in Shetland. He’d make a grand convenor of arts and parks for the Shetland Islands Council so he would.

    You know, I can’t bear to watch these people. They are so crap.

  7. Oh dear JB,

    That was “oh dear....JB”, as opposed to “oh... dear JB” ...are you with me?

    Now then, first of all, I was surprised to hear that Ms C was an old er ...em...flame of yours. I didn’t imagine you basking in the glow of a pink light (although they do say it hides the wrinkles). I thought that Sophia Pangloss was your paramour in the days when men were men and women needed help to change a plug. I had you, in my mind’s eye, basking in the light through an empty bottle of Bristol Cream.

    How is Sophia btw? I’ve been looking for a long time for my invitation to an evening of revelry and a good tale, and if the invite to this wedding thing is not to be forthcoming...which it seems it’s not, well, a night in the Pangloss pendy is the next best thing.

    Now, isn’t that just typical of you. Rub it in that the poor lad is going bald and looking daily more like his uncle Eddie, by trumpeting on about having to wash your hair and then complaining that you don’t even live in a street. Boo Hoo poor you.

    We might have had one in our street but when the ladies were trying the tables out for size they fell down the pot holes and were never seen again...the tables, not the ladies (some might say unfortunately).

    Actually, now I come to think of it, there’s another reason that “ordinary people” couldn’t have a street party. It would be for the want of tables. Most people don’t have them these days, there isn’t room in a modern hen hutch... sorry, I mean house, hen house... for a table, never mind a dining room. Everyone would have to take out their padded tray for the tv dinner and as no one can cook, it would be down to the take away for a nice Tikka Masala.

  8. Now we'll fill in the pot holes and buy tables especially for that event Munguin.

  9. As for Tavish’s newsnight car crash, it is worth watching, here at 8 mins 25 seconds in (just skip the first bit it’s a whole pile of clap-trap about Chinooks not being safe):


  10. Thanks for that Munguin.

    I have to take issue though about the "clap trap" you mention.

    It seems that once again the MoD has been lying through its teeth, because to tell the truth would be to accept that even more of the massively expensive kit that we buy for our defence is not fit for purpose.

    Now it's bad and bad enough that our governments (and both lots have been responsible for this kind of criminal negligence) can’t be bothered to make sure that the stuff they buy isn’t (in this case) a flying coffin, but also that they lie, and hide reports showing that they knew perfectly well that the kit was a pile of scrap metal, thereby transferring the blame from ministers and top ministry and service personnel, to the poor operative. In this case the pilots were accused of incompetence and blamed for the deaths of a large number of supposedly “important” people. The senior people wouldn't want to put their Ks and Lords' seats at risk would they?

    What kind of people would do something as despicable as that? I wonder.

    Oh yes, Labour and Tory ministers. Silly me.

  11. Good heavens Munguin. You're right. I don't like Brewer at all, but the interview just shows up how completely unsuited Tavish is to office at a national level. he was by anyone's standards, toast. He couldn't answer a single question. "You might say that, I couldn't possibly comment", comes to mind.

  12. Munguin Moridura has separated the clips which makes them viewable from any overseas visitor. How any Liberals can put up with that as a leader shows a complete lack of talent.

  13. Well done CH. I'm pretty sure that Danny will be grateful for the opportunity to see the train crash.

    I suspect that he is the best they have ... scary though that is.

  14. Cynical..

    Careful you will have Caron after you ;)
    She thought Brewer was very rude. Which to be fair he was. Annabelle Goldielocks got roasted aswell ( ooh err missus).
    I'm getting on a bit and remember when the BBC interviewer came armed with questions rather than an agenda. Brewer tried to make Goldie into some sort of SNP undercover operative and screamed at her for half an hour. Be lovely to see Goldi lamp the Labour toady right in the pus.
    The BBC inhouse paper 'The Daily Record' got a good plug again. Maybe Brewers wants to join Tam, Stu, Jackie and Kay at the Retard when he starts to droop too much even for Pathetic Quay.

  15. Hi Hugh,

    I thought that he treated Annabel the same way as he treated Tavish, but that she handled him far better.

    Yes, he was trying to make her look like she was Eck's paramour, but she wasn't having any. Where Tavish got jittery, she just talked through him and actually had him on the run at one point, so much so that he changed the subject.

    The Gray man tonight... should be fun, and then Eck First Minister next.


  16. Brownlie.

    LOL. Morris Dancing! In a kilt?

  17. An image I prefer to banish to the back of my mind Allan

  18. Tris.

    Are you sure the hotels in Dundee aren't all booked out?? lol. I think Desperate Dan would have something to say if he saw a lot of tac blowing around in his beloved city.

    Back when Charles got married people never had access to the same broad range of interests as we do now. People would rather go to the local funfair or comment on splendid blogs rather than attend a street party for Lord snooty and his mistress.

    Good luck to them but I ain't interested lol.

  19. Tris.

    LOL. It would make an ugly site!

  20. Yep Allan. I rang round and they said "What Royal Wedding is that then? Surely Princess margaret Rose is not away to be getting herself married?" We're a little bit behind the times here, you see.

    Anyway, you're right. i'd rahter do the ironing or the dishes than watch this rubbish, but the old couple just down from me have the day all planned, stuff ready to put in the microwave and flasks for tea ready.

    If i see a union jack in the street it's gonna get air gunned!!

    It's pathetic people who are losing some of their heating allowance to pay for all the soldiers parading, and the security for these rich kids, are lapping it all up.

    There's no hope for us.