Tuesday 13 April 2010

Lord Sir Alan Michael Sugar's kind gift of £400,000

Enterprise Czar His Lordliness Mr Sir Alan Michael Sugar has donated £400,000 to the Labour Party.

The money has been given to boost to the party's almost empty coffers and to help with the massive costs of running an election campaign.

His Lordship Sir Mr Alan Baron Sugar, huge massive international superstar of BBC tv show The Apprentice, said he had donated cash to previous campaigns. He neglected to say that he has given more than double this time. It must be all that ermine that went to his head.

He made a statement in which he announced that he would be making the donation of £400,000, pointing out that all his previous donations had been at election time. This was no different. I don’t think he actually said it out loud but the implication was that he wanted to make it very clear that his Gracious Lordshipness handed out by Gordon Brown had absolutely nothing at all whatsoever to do with him doling out so much money.

Labour welcomed the donation, which will be a boost to Gordon Brown because the party is pretty much broke and he’s already in hawk big time to the unions, from which he has had to pretend to
distance himself in recent weeks lest people should think he was in their pockets.

Business Secretary The Rt Hon and Noble Baron Mandleson of Hartlepool and Foy, blah blah, First Secretary of the Presidium of Nobility (this was the party that was formed with getting rid of the House of Lords as one of its founding raisons d’être and they’re all bloody nobles now) said: "Lord Sugar has announced he is making a donation of £400,000 as he has done in previous elections.
(Erm, not quite the truth there, Pete)

"Lord Sugar is a great example and a powerful voice for British enterprise and the values of hard work and I'm very pleased that, as in 1997 and 2001, he has again chosen to show his
support for Labour and our vision of a future fair for all at this General Election”.

There was then a pause for everyone to either vomit or snigger up their sleeves as they considered why exactly old sweetie Sugar stumped up so much for such a lost cause.

Pictures Lords Sugar and Mandleson. Labour: The working man's party.


  1. Whatever happened to Lord 'cashpoint' Levy Tris? Is this Lord is replacement then?

  2. Oh yes Dean, I expect you mean Lord Sleazy?

    I seem to remember his going to court and leaving without a stain on his character... erm I think, or maybe I dreamed that.

  3. Seems definitely suspicious that Mr. Sugar may have received his lordshipness with the promise of large contributions to the Labour Party. Of course everyone would like to be a noble lord of some sort I suppose. (Sadly though....constitutionally forbidden to Americans.) Anyway, seems that if you are wealthy enough, the promise of large political contributions could always make it happen. Or are there British laws that specifically forbid such a quid pro quo?

    And then there is the matter of those cool ermine robes. After a brief search, I find no mention that modern robes of the heraldic fur are made of synthetic material. So can it be that their noble lordships are so politically incorrect that they're actually wearing animal skins in the Palace of Westminster?

  4. Nice to have £400000 to waste these days, still as a down payment to the House of Lords trough it's perhaps not a bad investment.

  5. Oh so that’s how much a Lordship costs these days? I will have to take the hammer to the piggy bank and have a trawl through the attic for any second hand gold. And then I can bung a wedge at the Labour party and bobs your uncle, I will be Lord Munguin of Republic! It won’t go to my head though I can tell you but you lot can call me Your Grace!

    It was Keir Hardie in the first Labour Manifesto in 1906 that advocated the abolition of the House of Lords and it was a key plank in their socialist programme right up to Neil Kinnock. Then they stopped being socialists and embraced the non-democratic principle. And Neil became Lord Kinnock after quickly flushing his republican principles down the loo.

    Keir also wanted votes for women, ok so we got that one in 1918 thanks to David Lloyd George (a Liberal!).

    He also wanted a form of PR, no advance there from Labour, except in the devolved parliaments and assemblies. It seems that PR is fine for the Scots, Welsh and Irish but not for the English. Regrettably Ramsay MacDonald ditched PR as early as 1928 when he realised he could use first past the post to marginalise the Liberals and make Labour the party of opposition to the Tories. Strangley from about that date PR became a key plank of the Liberal’s agenda. Strange that isn’t it?

  6. If I were elevated to such lofty heights I would style myself Lord Scunnert of Skint! Has a certain ring to it.

  7. Oh dear Danny. Come over here, get naturalized throw some dollars at the Labour Party and it will be a job done.

    But you'll have to go and live in England mate. When Scotland is independent we won't have truck with nonsense like that.

    I suspect their Lordships don't much care about fur. They rather like shooting things over there in that place... and normal laws and conventions don't apply.

  8. I be;lieve QM, that His Richness is on the Sunday Times Rich list, and that despite losing £100 million.

    His greatest claim to fame seems to me to be encourageing bullying in teh workplace.

    And when will somebody tell him that stubble at his age makes him look like he hasn't washed...

    Tramp chic.

  9. Munguin,

    The Liberals have a proven pedigree of radical reforming zeal. They in the 19th Century, and under Lloyd George and Asquith did a whole heck more than Labour have ever done! Trade Union legilation...liberals 1908 I think...the idea of the welfar state? Beverage [Liberal again]...it seems that what this UK needs is a Tory Party advocating incrimentalist change and a Liberal Party adovcating radical change [without socialism]...as for Labour, they have failed before the alter of history.

  10. Brilliant Munguin. Erm, I mean your Lordship, but one small problem. I suspct the piggy bank won't be holding sufficient funds for that sort of thing. Mr Brown isn't cheap.... I imagine it will continue to be plain old Mr Munguin for the forseeable future. Alas....and alack

  11. I always think of you as that in any case Lord Scunnert, your grace.

    Si9hned Lord Tristan the Pennyless

  12. Tris: it's: Your Grace! You oik!

    Oh sorry was half asleep in dream land there, just like being in the House of Lords. I was getting into it. Sigh! Back down to being a republican again!

  13. That’s very true Dean. Keir Hardie wanted to cooperate with the Liberals and that is why we have the Lib/Lab Pact 1903. But unfortunately he died of a heart attack in 1915 and Ramsay MacDonald had different ideas. But don’t worry I don’t think anyone in the Labour party today joined with any intention of carrying out Hardie’s programme, so you as a Tory should be happy about that.

  14. I'd rather receive a jobby in the post than a Lordship. I couldnae be in the same room as the queen without gettin myself into serious trouble with the boys and girls in blue and i've no real desire to shout abuse at an octogenarian woman even if she does personify the apex of the class system.

    An independent Scotland will have no need of such fripperies as lords, ladies or even upper houses but will require to cap, monitor and assiduously report on all political donations and electoral expenditure.

    Westminster politics has become a gross parody of itself. The only honour that counts is the esteem in which one is held by ones peers. My pals think i'm a self-righteous old fud, incidentally.

  15. LOL @ Naldo;

    Nah, surely you're not old!

    I'm looking forward to a Scotland that is full of equals with no need for honours that change your name, and where what honours the state confers on people are for real service to the community, so that the kind old cleaning lady who spends her retirement years running messages for and taking care of her even more elderly neighbours is likely to receive the same recogntion as businesman who has dedicated his spare time to helping poor kids.

    No more honours for doing you job whether that is as a banker or as a pop singer. You get paid for that.

    Honours only for service.

    And I agree, the very very strictest monitoring of political donations.

    This one is so clear you could use it as an eyeglass.

  16. Oh Naldo, poor wee Bess II isnae that bad a stick really! [trying on my Glasgae patter, and failing...]

    But yes, replace her with Francis II [p.s- what about an independent Scotland with the House of Stuart?]

  17. Dean: Love the patter mate.... don't think it will impress Naldo though!

  18. No a bad wee efort on the lingo front, Deano ma man.

    Aw this tour guidin round Scotland i've been doin of late has given me a wee soft spot for the Stuarts, i must confess. They copped it a bit tight off the Tudors, the Republicans and the Hanovers. Triple whammy.

    However, i reckon the monarchs may have had relevance in medieval times but in the 21st century we'd be better off wi actual democracy. It shouldnae be enough just to be born into privillege.

    And i'd be well up for honours for service as outlined so eloquently above by Tris.

    House of Fraser, anyone?

  19. I'm not all that bothered about who is head of state. It's a small trifling matter. If they have no power, who opens things or says a few at things is a matter of relative unimportance to me. There are important things to worry about.

    The trouble with a President is that you either have to have him elected, in which case he has to stand on some platform, in which case he has to have some power.... bad news... or he is appointed and who knows the kind of bribery that that may involve.

    The trouble with a King is that if you get a good one that's fine, and if you get a bad one you could have him for 70 years... with no real way to get rid of him and then have his son who could be worse.

    The Norwegians, Swedes, Danes et al get on fine with their lots; no over abundance of palaces and stuff... more a few bicycles and a puncture repair kit.

    But please spare me from Mrs parker Bowels whoever we have to put up with.

  20. Oh ... and Naldo... thanks for the "eloquence" compliment.

    Must be the first time anyone's ever said that... usually it's "windbag"