Tuesday 20 April 2010


I was trawling around on the computer tonight looking for something interesting and different to write about: something more relaxing than politics, when lo and behold I came upon the Daily Star, that organ of record.... or something. Well obviously most of the paper is given over to the antics of Peter André and Katie Price, and how their daughter “Princess” (OMG) turned up at Pete’s house with bruises all over her, and so Pete phoned Katie to ask her what it was, and she said it was mascara. So Pete phoned his solicitor (instead of just getting a cloth and trying to wipe off the mascara) and then he wrote about it in his magazine column (yes, he’s a journalist now as well as a mega pop star).

So, it seems that someone in the police reads Mr André’s column because the police came round.... and Pete just can’t understand it.... Well of course he can’t. His brain cell was probably working on something else at that moment.

For how long will this ghastly pair continue to use their kids to get themselves in the papers and buoy up their totally talentless superstardom?

Another story that caught my eye was one about a swan, who has been causing grief to some rowers on the River Cam near Cambridge. It seems that the bird, whom they have dubbed “Mr Asbo” (Lord aren’t they clever!) has been “terrorising the river”. Appeals have been made to the Queen, aski
ng her to remove the swan on the grounds that all swans in England are the property of the monarch, which, of course, is not true. Not that the Daily Star could be bothered finding that out.

Dinghy sailor Ashley Sparkes, 27, said: “He came at us full speed, flapping his wings.” Oh dear Ashley. That’s erm....ever so....erm.....interesting....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Put your brain into gear Ashley... What time of year is it? Yes, It’s Spring. And what happens in Spring Ashley? Yes, animals and birds have young. So the likelihood is that the swan is guarding its nest.

Try not rowing for a few weeks while the eggs are vulnerable. Or row somewhere else. Pfffffff.

Right, that was supposed to take my mind off politics and make me smile.... but it didn’t work.

Pics: Asbo, the good looking swan, and Peter Andre



  1. The real story: http://tinyurl.com/y4cqyxj

  2. What would that so called newspaper do without the antic of this cretinous pair?

  3. Dear oh dear, immigrants. What would you do with them?

  4. I'm told Scunnert, that swan is extremely tasty. The richer and perhaps slightly less academic colleges at England's top universities (the ones that exist to provide a lifetstyle choice rather than any learning) have it served at high table on high days and holidays.

    So, if these great arbiters of taste can get their fat chops round it, I suppose it must be "quite the thing" to eat. With Port afterwards of course (to the left).

  5. Munguin/Brownlie:

    They are grim, but if they weren't there the Star would simply find some other ghastly pair prepared to prostitute their lives and those of their kids to buy some more publicity.

    Might sound old fashioned, but oh for the days when you had to have a modicum of talent in order to be famous.

  6. Munguin

    Is that you over on Tom Harris blog........looks like there could be a doppelganger about

  7. Mr MixedPickle: of course it's me. Or at least I think it is! The reports of my doppelganger are very much exaggerated. But if there is one out there he can join you and the real me in Rab’s SNP clubhouse on the allotment for that weep. Gordon Brown is invited too but unfortunately the place only seats six so there won’t be enough room. He will have to do his weeping in the water but outside and tell him to keep his hands off my prize artichokes. But any problem with the water works and I can let him have a huge Spanish onion just flown in from Santander to rub in his eyes. That should do the trick!

  8. Muinguin

    some one with your moniker has been posting on Toms blog for months and yet you say this is the first time????Um!

  9. Unless of course you have been Blogging in your sleep.........

  10. Mr MixedPickle: I have been commenting on Tom’s blog for ages. It was him that said it was my first time and I think he was being tongue in cheek there. Unless of course he does not read all his comments or has some sort of short term memory disorder. On that subject though there is another Mr MixedPickle that is commenting on Tom’s blog, you know anything about that?

    Maybe we could all get together with our various doubles for a mega-weep after the election??

  11. I'm sorry Mr MixedPickle I'm not in the Labour Party so the only thing I do when I am asleep is sleep!

  12. Tris, I've no doubt that swan is delectable and wouldn't mind trying it, but the prohibition against eating them is probably why there are still some left.

    Some time ago on Canadian television they were asking "new" Canadians what struck them most about Canada. One Eastern European man said it was all the squirrels (there are tons ae the wee buggers). The interviewer was intrigued: "You mean you don't have squirrels in your country?" she asked. "Oh Yes" was the reply, "but we eat them."

    Canadians think that's funny but they have no problems eating muskrat, snapping turtles, bull frogs, and other unsavory critters.

    There's no accounting for taste.

  13. No indeed Scunnert. I've often wondered at Scots who get all uptight about Koreans eating dog and then (specially at this time of the year) have absolutely not problem eating furry wee lambs.

    As they say in England "there's nowt as queer as folk".

  14. I thought that the swans were the propery of the Queen?

    [p.s. you realise that she is 84 today?]

  15. Well, my understanding is that only on a strech of the Thames Dean, but I got the info from Wiki, so there's always a measure of doubt.

    As you know I'm a republican, but that doesn't mean that I can't wish Elizabeth a very happy birthday. I wish her a long and happy life Dean. I'm sure as a person she's not a bad old stick.

    She certainly looks a lot better than Thatcher who is the same age.

  16. Yeh, its a grand old age.

    I often feel really sorry for Mrs Thatcher, despite it all. It must be horrible to forget things like the death of Dennis, and have to be reminded. Old age is a sad old thing, as someone who works in a nursing home I tell you, more needs to be done in that whole sphere of public life.

    The way some people and politicians treat the elderly is tantimount to criminal if you ask me.

  17. Aye Dean, I agree. Much though I loathe her for what she did to us, I can only feel sympathy for her in that state. I know someone who has to be told over and again that his daughter is dead, and relive that pain. It is a wicked thing to happen to anyone, even her.

    Old age can be incredibly sad, and you'll know more than most about that Dean if you work in a nursing home. I take my hat off to you mate. I couldn't do it. Much more needs done. The misery that some people die in is a scandal and a shame on our country. It would never been allowed elsewhere. And your last sentence is absolutely correct.

    One of the reasons I was horrified to hear Jim Murphy say that cutting benefits was a better way of repaying the bankers' folly than scrapping the Trident programme or the House of Lords or Identity Cards.

    Lord help us... and that's the bloody socialist.

  18. The swan story caught my eye, and prompted a bit of research. On July 20, 2009, the Queen participated in the "Swan Upping" on the Thames. This AP article says it was the very first time that her majesty had personally attended the ceremony. (The sort of responsibility which can be delegated without much danger I suppose.)


    There may be some confusion as to Her Majesty's swan ownership. Wikipedia reports that the Monarch owns the mute swans on the River Thames. But the article states that the Queen has rights over all mute swans "swimming on public rivers and lakes." But these days, it reports, the monarch only ceremonially counts the swans which reside on the Thames.

    And apparently the royals haven't actually eaten any of the swans in years.

  19. Yes Danny. It is all rather confused. I got my information from Wikipedia.

    The English have some lovely old customs and the Swan Upping is one of them. As they say in the article it is now about conservation rather than anything else.

    Swans are rather bad tempered birds at the best of times. I imagine that they are even more truculent at mating time when there is a nest and eggs. It seems a strange time for the men to "up" them, when they are protecting their young.

    As for eating them. I would if there were some in the local Aldi, where they do some rather nice duck. I don’t quite understand why duck, goose, wildfowl and other assorted birds are considered good table and swan makes people shudder with horror.