THE DEAR PEREGRIN LETTERS

Peregrin,

I'm determined not to waste a second in delivering our manifesto commitments.

So since the election, we have:

1. Brought forward plans to help families who want to work hard and get on by giving 30 hours' free childcare to working parents of three- and four-year-olds

2. Announced new plans to turn all failing schools into Academies and to make sure all children study key academic subjects, so they get the skills they need

3. Carried on backing businesses so they can keep creating jobs - with 2 million more people in work since 2010

4. Announced important measures to cut down on waste in the NHS, so that every penny goes on getting patients the best possible treatments

5. Continued to help people secure a home of their own, with over 100,000 families now helped onto the housing ladder through our Help to Buy scheme

6. Introduced the Referendum Bill to Parliament to give everyone in Britain a say before the end of 2017

We will keep working through our plan to create more security and opportunity in our country - and, with your help, we can secure a brighter future for everyone in Britain.

So if you’re not already a Member, please join the Conservatives today - and together, we can build something special in this country.   

Thank you,

Ah what a joy to get a "Dear Peregrin" letter from the prime minister of  the UK, even if this time he left off the "dear". (I fear he may be coming a little cross with me, as I have despite many letters, resisted the temptation to either send him money or join his party.)

As far as the points in the letter are concerned:

Numbers 1, 2 and 4  have nothing to do with Scotland. Why would I want to fund them? In any case, employers have recently called for people to study more practical subjects at school. Not every job really requires "academic" qualifications. And it's fair to say that most commentaries that I have read on the health service suggest that there are not enough doctors or nurses to staff the English health service, and not nearly enough money for what is required. Additionally the government seems hell bent on selling it off to anyone who wants to buy it regardless of their competence. 

Number 3 is hardly an achievement of this government. The 2 million he claims is a (dubious) result of the coalition. In any case, time after time that figure has been disputed. Many of the jobs are for nothing more than a few hours per week, or are commission only; most of them are low paid posts that require tax credits or housing benefits of some sort to make them at all viable. At the same time they have rid us of many highly paid jobs.

Number 5 again seems to me to be an achievement that dates back to the coalition. They haven't got 100,000 families buying houses in the last month.

Note to Miliband: This is how to eat poor people's disgusting
food in an elegant fashion.

Finally the referendum bill is undisputed, and a good thing too. I congratulate them on its introduction. Just remember though, all the things they said about a referendum in Scotland going on and on and causing uncertainty.  What did them call it? 'Neverendum' wasn't it? I'd just remind them that the end of 2017 is a long way off.  

The Conservatives might add to their list of achievements that they are about to cut another £12 billion from the most vulnerable people in the country. We don't know how that will impact, because IDS has managed so far to get away with keeping secret how many people his current cuts have killed.

Maybe he'd like to come to the food bank with me tomorrow and see how much of a bright future he is creating for some of Britain's population!

Perhaps something a little more approaching reality, is this?
Or maybe we are just viewing the achievements from a
non-Eton and Oxford viewpoint

I'm wondering what it is he thinks that his party and my money can build together in "this country" (presumably England). Crematoria?

Final Note: The letter is copied verbatim. Errors are the author's, not Munguin's.