Friday 26 August 2011


A BP guard shot a polar bear in Alaska, in error because he thought he was shooting “beanbags” and did not know he had live bullets in his gun. OK... that is very sloppy; if, as part of your job you are going to fire guns, it’s probably a good idea to know what you are firing. But the thing that makes me utterly sick is that BP staff monitored the bear until she died 11 days later. What kind of sick people does BP employ?

Royal Mail has been cutting costs... And coincidently around 10% of first class (well, what THEY laughingly call first class) mail failed to get to its destination on time. Among other things that were to blame for this was...wait for it ...Iceland and its volcano. Yes, not only did the last prime minister label little Iceland “terrorists”, but it’s now their fault that the Royal Mail doesn’t know its bottom from its armpit. I was told that if I wanted to guarantee a next day delivery of a letter to Glasgow (from Dundee, about 80 miles away), it would cost me £5.50. You get brilliant service if you can afford a first class stamp at that price.

You remember Iris Robinson, wife of Ulster’s first minister, devout fire and brimstone Christian, hater of anything divergent from the word of the good book... oh, and incidentally, the 60 year old granny who was having it off with a 19 year old kid behind her husband’s back? Yes, surely you remember her... No? Well, she was also a local councillor, an MP and an AM... not bad money (especially if you add her husband’s many and various incomes and the fact that they were both a bit heavy handed on the old expenses)... Coming back to you now? She had a nervous breakdown when it turned out that she was a bit of a cradle snatching old woman... A contributory factor to that mental illness might have been that she was accused of using her position in the council to secure her teenage lover boy a catering contract, without disclosing her interest (well she wouldn’t, would she?) and of getting him a big fat loan from another “friend of the family”, of which, I seem to recall, despite her 3 salaries and numerous expenses, she wanted a slice. Is it coming back to you? Yes. That’s it; that’s her. Well, you’d never be guessing (as they say in Ireland) but she’s been completely exonerated. And she’s been cured too. That’s a bit of luck the two coinciding like that. Or maybe it’s because she’s in a close relationship with God or something...who knows? In other news a bloke who stole a t-shirt from the Armani shop in Birmingham during their riots was jailed for 20 months... I say 20 months... Funny old world, ain’t it?

I had to laugh tonight at the BBC news about Al Megrahi. It seems that the Little Blue Man, Nick Clegg, is calling him to be returned to Scotland to jail. Al Megrahi has broken the terms of his licence you see. He has moved house without informing his parole authorities and hasn’t kept in touch by telephone. Hmmm. Now I wonder why that would be. Oh yeah, I’ve heard they are having a spot of local bother... a riot or two, this time supported by Cameron and his puppet. (I wish they’d make their minds up.) Maybe the phones aren’t working too well; maybe his house isn’t secure any more... He was a friend of Gaddafi and as such is likely to be in hiding, but just as likely to be dead by the end of next week, wonder drug or no wonder drug. In the mean time, does anyone know what gets blue paint out of Armani suits?


  1. BP guard obviously getting ready for Tripoli after the "Friends of Libya" divvy up the spoils. More on that later.

    Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, Tris, writing ageist comments - my lap/line-dancing girls are up in arms. How dare you infer that at 60 wee Iris is a cradle-snatching "old woman"? At 60 she is in the prime of life and in the "fine wine" category. You will be aware that my comments have nothing to do with my own "toy-boy" status as young and fragrant Cathy can confirm.

    Your comment about her "position in the council" reminds me of a civil service manager who had to assess a recently recruited young trainee and wrote "I have tried her out in every available position in the office and found that she performed best on the front reception desk. In the short-time she has been here her willingness to please has been, I have found, completely satisfactory."

  2. Ah yes, JB. I wondered if you'd notice the slightly ageist comment there. I only put it in to see whether you were paying attention.

    Normally, of course, I think that what people do with their bodies at whatever age, is their business... (I mean, have I ever commented in any way on you being Cathy's toy-boy? No! Well there you are then.)

    I was, in this case, just having a wee laugh at the fact that the fragr..., nah, let's be honest here, that Mrs Robinson, being old enough to be the laddie's granny, was a tad on the hypocritical side, given her strict adherence to the creed of absolute moral perfection, as laid down by the good reverend, and which she espouses with such vigour for other people.

    I mean not only is she breaking one of the "Shalt nots" but she's doing it with someone who was in nappies when she was 40. And at the same time as she is lecturing the population in general on her moral code, she appears to be breaking it left, right and centre...

    The fact that she gets away with it must, I think, be something to do with her disarming charms, don't you think? Or maybe the fact that it was her husband that appointed the people looking in to her wrongdoings, and who will decided on their future "positions".

    Talking of which, I liked the civil service story. From what I've heard about Whitehall that sounds about right!!! The writer wasn't being naive; he just thought her new employers should be aware that they should start her off on the front desk!!!

    Now then, what happened to the "more of that later" about the bear? About Libya? Hmmmmm?

  3. Yeah 60 is the new 21 according to the torys why your fit for another 30 years of hard work(but not if your a Tory) digging ditches they say.
    Anyway as a loony American Christian once said about forgiving there shag happy corrupt fraudulent pastor.....

    Forgiveness is a Christian trait

  4. Oh! and !wrongdoing! is a concept strictly reserved for the Roman Catholic community in NI politics

  5. thats me random thoughts on a Saturday morn

    er! Tom Harris........whats the point

  6. Niko... You're becoming like the Dundee buses. You wait for weeks for a comment and then three come along at once. :)

    Yes, I'm looking forward to my 90th birthday and my pittance of a pension, and reduced heating allowance. It's nice of them to allow women to retire earlier though at 89.

    Still, Labour were doing exactly the same thing Niko, and in all the years that they were in, despite Barbara Castle's urging Tony Blair didn't budge on the £40 a week that Thatcher stole from pensioners.

    A propos Mrs Robinson... I'm sure it's a huge publicity stunt by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkle to get their single into the charts again...

    And yes, I've often pondered the point of Tom Harris and decided that it is to give James Kelly some particularly hilarious material to work with over at Scot Goes pop!

    Surely he has no other function. But it's nice to see you around again, Niko, even after what you said about me over at Dean's place.

  7. Qu'ils mangent de la brioche

    Oui ... There are many of Her Majesty's (not her highness, as printed in the story)subjects who wouldn't say no to a little bit of frozen meat, but have to make do with a tin of cheap beans.

    Let them eat cake, indeed!

    D'ya know what CH. That's put me right in the mood for some nice brioche, and would you believe it, I saw some with chocolate chips in today in Aldi and I resisted the temptation on the basis that I would have to do an extra half hour on the treadmill if I bought it.... Damn.

  8. Nice to know that Iris is feeling better now that the inquiry her husband set up has cleared her of all charges. She get back to fiddling in the name of the good Lord, who moves in mysterious ways the tax-payer to fleece!

    Megraghi has not been in contact with East Renfrewshire Council, so all the right wing nut-jobs (Nick Clegg included) are getting their knickers in a twist and saying he should go back to BarL. Was that civil war they were so keen on not a little to blame? How will the terrorists oops I mean freedom fighters interpret their wishes in this respect? No doubt stringing him up from the nearest lamppost is a small price to pay for the £165 million worth of bombs they got from British taxpayer. I’m not surprised that Mr M has collected up all his medication boarded his wheelchair and whizzed off to the hills.

  9. Did I hear a rumour that Nick Clegg and willie Rennie are thinking of joining the blue man group should their political fortunes take a down turn?

  10. They must have heard this

  11. Yeah, it's a bit daft to expect him to be on his mobile, which they can trace, when he is hiding from the rebels/looters, sorry I mean freedom fighters...sorry ...update, new government of Libya. It's Gaddafi's blokes who are the rebels now, isn't it? Is it?

    Whose side are we on again, Munguin, in which wars? I get confused.

    It is, indeed good news about Iris. Doubtless she will soon be spending much of her waking hours preaching the good book and steering us from sin, Robinson style. Any by-elections coming up?

    I wonder if the kid has another girl (uh) friend yet?

  12. Something like that! I personally am on everybody's side that way I'm always on the winning side...

    I see that acording to caron somebody turned up at the Lib Dems congratulation festival or whatever it is they are having in Perth at the moment with a pot of yellow poster how they laughed, with such japes I'm wondering if their is not room in the Lib dem lexicon for a Munguin, we never have such fun in the SNP....too busy winning elections I guess. I have put a comment on but am not confident that I will get a response in true Lib Dems fashion Caron is rather picky about who she replies to (especially if she is not winning). Oh but then you know that don't you!

  13. Yep... I wonder if Munguins can join the Liberals.

    But remember, although they are cheap to heat, the trouble with having conferences in a telephone box is that they always look so empty!

    Perhaps you'd be better to stick with the SNP.

    But if you happen upon a pot of yellow paint let me know, Munguin. My lobby press needs a lick of paint.

    And yes. Caron only seems to reply to some of my posts. Others appear to be ignored.


    I think this may be a sub-lethal cartridge of a type developed for riot control which I have seen demonstrated.
    The one I saw was fired from an automatic 12 bore shotgun and the shot was enclosed in something which looked a bit like a teabag and had a short length of ribbon attached to make it fly straight. It was very accurate at up to 50 yards. You could aim for a knee or an elbow with a good chance of hitting. The advantage over baton rounds was that you could fire them rapidly from an automatic shotgun.

    The firm making them was based in a country house in deep, rural Lincolnshire. They specialised in all sorts of "aids to civil power" - batons, riot shields etc. and they had a huge selection of surveillance equipment which made the place a bit like Q's workshop in a James Bond film.

    At the time they were also working on "knock out drops",adapted from a chemical used as an irritant in surgery. With the muscle relaxants used in modern anaesthesia, they have to administer an irritant to keep the swallowing reflex going. One day, somebody got a drop of the stuff in his eye and was out cold for 20 minutes, so they thought about using it to do that. They were putting the chemical through checks for "Health & Safety" and trying to devise a system of delivering it into the eyes. Could have been useful in the last few weeks!

    The genial ex para officer who ran the place said business from all over the world was booming and the firm had won various awards for business excellence and export achievement.

  15. Ah Mr S:

    I suspected something of the sort... something designed to hurt but not wound too seriously.

    It's just a pity the guard didn't know what was up teh spout when he fired.

    The most awful thing is that people could leave a magnificent animal to die in pain over a period of 11 days. I wodner how much the guard would have liked it it were one of his kids.

    But heigh ho. It's only a bear, they'll say.

    Weapons is a hugely good business to be in when you consider how how much of any country's budget is spent on that sort of stuff. it's a bit like undertaking. They'll always be a need.

    I wouldn't be in the least surprised that Cammy will be investing some of his borrowed money in equipment of this nature, lest something should kick off next year when London and he are playing host to 80,000 VIPs and a whole pile of also rans.

    Civil unrest while the eyes of the world are on your city for other reasons would seem to be something that the likes of Tubby wouldn't much care for, for if he is god awful at most that being pm involved, the one thing he can pride himself in, is that he has plenty of experience of VIPs, and he knows which fork and knife to use. Very important, what?