Friday, 18 April 2014

Random Thoughts...

Interesting statement from the STUC today:
Botox Dave and his Baby Face

"Responding to the speech, and referendum question and answer session from Johann Lamont MSP at STUC Congress today, Grahame Smith Scottish Trades Union Congress (STUC) General Secretary said:

“Overall Johann Lamont gave a strong and confident performance, showing that she has a close understanding of the priorities of Scottish trade unions. Particularly welcome was her announcement of a Workers’ Charter and pledge to continue to press for improvements in the Procurement Reform Bill to strengthen provisions on Blacklisting and Zero Hours contracts and to deliver a Living Wage.

“However, it was notable that her answers to referendum questions on reserved Westminster policy such as Trident, employment rights public spending cuts and Labour’s support for the Coalition’s Benefit Cap, appeared insufficient to convinced our delegates that the current policies of the UK Labour Party will be sufficient to achieve our social justice ambitions for Scotland should there be a no vote in the referendum.

“Johann’s expressed preference for a separate Scottish currency under independence was interesting. While a separate currency may offer considerable economic freedom longer term it would inevitably mean a period of austerity at least as severe as that currently being pursued by the Coalition.”

It isn't quite the ringing endorsement a Labour leader could have hoped to expect from the Trades Unions, is it? The illustration is mine!

One of them is the prime minister of this sceptred isle, this England.
The man who sees it as his job to sting the poor, found himself on the receiving end of the equation yesterday. Despite advice that it was dangerous to swim, Cameron decided that he was superior to jellyfish, and found out once again, that he was wrong.

The prime minister is one of those people who is lucky enough to be able to afford a holiday and is currently enjoying his break at a luxury resort on Lanzarote. Unfortunately he returns to England this weekend.

Apparently there were many volunteers keen to apply first aid to the Eton Boy. At first this may seem surprising, given his popularity, however it should be remembered that the best cure for jelly fish sting is fresh urine.
We can't lose now!

More importantly, the jellyfish  was reported to be suffering from shock at having come into contact with something slimy, poisonous and vacuous, but he appears to have suffered no long term damage. 
Although, maybe he's only having a permanent...

Has anyone seen this man? Last seen in Scotland with a fat bloke wearing strange clothing and talking agitatedly about aliens and cataclysms.

If you do see him, best thing is to ignore him. 
Sir George (they're all laughing at me) Robertson (redacted for safety reasons)

He'll soon go away. He's a UK minister, and they never hang around for long in North Britain. As soon as the film is completed, he'll be back to his comfy padded cell at eh MoD.

Coming soon to a picture house near you


  1. Now that was a wonderful bit of extracting the urine.

    1. Ha ha.. I imagine there was a queue....

  2. Jeez Tris what a cracking wee article. Mind you I almost put something else down here and I would have done if I had spilt my tea when Hammond's wee pic came up! LOL

    1. Thanks you kind madam...

      Bless Philip, the wee soul. He's like a wee lad who's tired of playing soldiers and has just seen his first Startrek movie...

  3. Umm ! no one seems to consider the poor old jellyfish
    being poisoned by the very touch of Cameron .......

    Yuk !..............poor ole jellyfish, bet Cameron tasted vile

    perhaps we should offer said jellyfish sanctuary in an Independent
    Scotland, erect a statue in his honour after he did bite a very evil
    man ??

    1. Think you'll find that the jellyfish is all right Niko. It had been given its anti Cameron shots well in advance of Cameron landing in Lanzarote. No one, not even the jellyfish were going to be taking any chances with that Muppet in the water, Cameron I mean not the jellyfish!

      As far as sanctuary is concerned I believe that, as always, the Scottish government is on the case and Jellyfish sanctuary is high on the list of items to be resolved after a YES win on 19th September so you can rest easy on this score. :-)

    2. You got your answer there Niko. :)

      I was indeed concerned for the poor animal. Close encounters with spivs is a serious matter.

      We've started a group of jelly fish and I hear they will be sharing a platform with Denis Canavan and Alistair Darling soon.

      We can't go around raising statues to everyone who renders us a service, but this was a very special case, so I'll be pushing hard for a statue to Juan the Jelly Fish. (for that is his name).

      Subscriptions in a sealed brown envelope (addressed to Munguin) in used notes, to be left at the usual place.


  4. So David Cameron denies, that over 1 million people ate from food banks, last year Cameron says figures posted by the Trussell Trust were exaggerated,considering the Trussell Trust only accounts for 37% or so of the actual, people fed from food banks, I'd say that you'd get more sense out of the jellyfish, that stung Cameron, than you would get out of him. Pity it wasn't a box jellyfish that stung the sod.

    Staying on jellyfish no doubt Cameron will say, that in an independent Scotland jellyfish, will leave and move south of the border, never to return, never mind we've still got the aliens to look forward to, and the forces of darkness to contend with as well, though I often wonder if he Houses of Parliament, in London are already full of Sith Lords.

    1. May the force be with you young Skywalker!

    2. Ah... either that or that all our beaches, rivers, lochs, canals and burns will be overrun with a plague of jelly fish... and that we won't be able to leave the house without being stung... they'll even come out of the taps and sting us in our baths.

      He doesn't seem to realise that they only sting spivvy morons.

  5. Thanks to continuing shambolic energy policies from the Westminster establishment,England is about to find out (and probably Scotland too if we vote No) what the forces of darkness really look like.

    1. Yes, and with the production of nuclear produced energy in the hands of the Chinese government, I have no doubt that that will happen relatively soon.

      Not that I mean to imp[ly that they are inefficient. I'm sure that au contraire, they will be far more efficient than the Brits could come up with...

      It's just that the Chinese government doesn't much like the UK...

  6. Why does that alien in the picture of Saucer men invading Scotland look like Ming the Merciless?
    and can I have the girl in his arms telephone number?

    1. Because it IS Ming... and yeah ... her telephone number is Mars 551. (They took her home with them, as there was nothing else worth lifting!!!)