Letter to the Honourable Mr Docherty MPDear The Honourable Mr Docherty,
I understand that you have recently made a comment about people having to choose which one of their grandparents would be "foreigners" if Scotland votes to leave the UK.
I just thought I'd let you know that I do not have any problem with one of my grandparents being foreign.
You see I have travelled outside of the British Isles and, on occasions, I've been left with no alternative but to meet foreigners.
But, don't worry. They are not disgusting or terrible. In fact some of them are really quite nice and smell quite fresh. Among their number there are those who even learn to speak English so one can have a nearly civilised conversation with them.
I know, however, that it is a big issue in Labour party circles, with people as distinguished and universally respected as Tony Benn worrying that his mother would have been a foreigner had this independence malarkey happened 40 years ago (I assume that being American doesn't count as foreign, otherwise he wouldn't have married Caroline and put his own kids in the invidious position of having a foreign mother), or people as ...well people like Margaret Curran, who was worrying that her son, at university in England, would turn overnight into a foreign person.
So I write to put your mind, and that of Margaret, at rest. Unfortunately Tony Benn, otherwise one of my heros, died recently... so he will be at rest anyway.
I went to School in England and I worked in France for a while and, on both occasions I became a foreigner overnight (once quite literally, and once in a more esoteric way) but on neither occasion was there any lasting damage and on both occasions, when I came home to Scotland, I unbecame foreign...just like that.
So, foreigners really aren't that bad. Please try not to worry.
Not British of course, and some may even come from banana republics... ie republics where bananas are grown... but heigh ho, one can't have everything.
He was somewhat bemused to find this email in this inbox:
Aye, they are looking for a speaker for the Better Together campaign.
No wonder they are falling behind if they are asking ministers in the Scottish government to speak for them...
As Humza said... what a shambles of a campaign!
Plymouth MP, Oliver Colvile, (nah, me either) is almost daft enough to get a job with Better Together. According to Political Scrpabook he has been seen delivering leaflets through doors in his constituency with the following information:
I mean, most people with more than one badly damaged brain cell would have worked out that that woman is poison with Tories at the moment.
And this is just for a laugh... like you haven't already choked on how thick some folk are...