Saturday, 18 April 2015

SNAPS ON SATURDAY EVENING

Thanks Jim. 

Apparently some young hooligans went wild protesting about nuclear weapons...
If politicians insist on bringing their wives into it, to make them look more human, they can't complain when people have a go at them too.
Does she have a lot of money?
How to get rid of 40 years of progress for your party in 5 short years?
Join up with the Tories.
Makes you think...
Deluded lunatic from the 19th century.
Despite this lying in the Clyde, some demented half wit Labour MP called Donohoe says there are Russian submarines
sailing up there. Not much bloody use, are they?
You could say, not worth the money.
Talking about being not much bloody use.
I don't think I've ever come across a more repulsive person than Hopkins. She makes Donohoe look clever.
So, this is the best possible reason I can think of for voting for Miliband
Of course the old bat won't go. Only in the UK could she make a living out of being that repugnant.
First for everything: Jim Murphy can't make it into the BBC. Must be very busy, or maybe he was just
 humiliated by two senior shadow cabinet members?
What can you say. Well, if that's the future for all of us, I suggest we keep the House of the Living Dead open and all pensioners be
given £300 a day plus expenses, tax free, for sleeping in comfort while being addressed as "my lord" and having their incontinence pads changed. Why should it just be the chosen few like Lord Bitch.
Funny... the Daily Mail said that the others went into a hug and left Farage out of it. Of course as Farage smells of booze and fags I would imagine why they would do that.  It would be like hugging a drunk ashtray. But it seems that they lied. I suppose Miliband could have given Farage a hug... although it is asking lot of the man.
Towards the right or the right...
Like we'd have forgotten, Eton boy.
Bloody hell Nick... even less popular than the racist drunk lot?
Well, at least someone voted for Willie Rennie, even if it was only his dog.
Ruth, I'm not sure Jim's tie is quite right...
You're his dresser aren't you?


Friday, 17 April 2015

Resign, Janner

There is a new rule in the House of Lords, according to Michael Ashcroft. Because of the enormous and embarrassing size of the membership of the Lords, the House of Lords Reform Act 2014 states that if a peer is unable to take an active role in the work of the House, he or she should resign.

Ashcroft has indicated that he will do this. 

As far as I understand the person is allowed to retain their title and but ceases to be allowed to take part in the proceedings of the chamber or to collect the tax free salary paid to participants ...some £300 a day plus expenses.

Greville Janner is apparently, as a result of dementia, too ill to answer serious charges relating to sexual matters with under-age boys. He has to the best of my knowledge not resigned from the House of Lords. 

Surely if you are too ill to face charges under the law of the land, you should also be considered too ill to be making laws of the land.

Mr Janner should resign immediately.
******
Marco Biagi was interviewed by Jim Naughtie on the Today Programme this morning. He explained that, despite all the BBC journalists talking about Ed refusing a coalition with the SNP (the SNP having already ruled out any such thing), that what Nicola had been suggesting, offering to Ed last night on live UK-wide TV, was an opportunity to get rid of David Cameron and bring in more progressive politics. A co-operation rather than anything formal like a coalition.

Naughtie did his job asking Marco fair and reasonable questions and Marco did a good job of answering them failrly and reasonably. Naughtie brought up the argument that, during the minority Scottish government of 2007-11, Alex Salmond's government had worked with Annabel Goldie's Tories. Marco was able to explain clearly that that was what minority governments had to do. He pointed out that they worked with the other parties too. Minority government is impossible otherwise.

It seemed a decent interview, from both parties' points of view.

Then Naughtie interviewed Margaret Curran. He put to her the simple question that Nicola had asked Miliband last night. Would Miliband walk away from the SNP and let Cameron from another government, if the figures worked out like that? She didn't answer it, of course. She said that she was working for her constituents for a Labour majority government. He tried again and pointed out that, with respect, she had not answered his question. Again she rambled about her constituents (for whom she now seems to have the greatest concern). She wanted, as they wanted, she said, a Labour government with a majority.

Naughtie tried again to get her to answer. She didn't. She said that she had been in Scottish politics for a long time and she knew Nicola Sturgeon, who had never had a good word to say about Labour. But she would not answer what the Labour party would do if NOT working with the SNP meant that  Tory or Tory-Liberal and possibly Ukip government were the alternative.

It's a big thing, I know, for a party to concede that it may not win a full on majority, and I can't honestly blame Labour for being unwilling to contemplate losing, but when the polls have shown that it is a likelihood, not just over a couple of weeks, but over months and months, is it not time to be letting people know that you have thought the unthinkable.

Sometimes in office you will have to do this. Perhaps it would be wise to show the electorate that you have a back-up plan.

**********

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Just for a LAUGH

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! "

"So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress." 
++++++++++

Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco . Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher. 

Several of the men went out for lunch at a local café.   When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.    How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand?   Clearly  --  this was a job for Mensa minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.

They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker  "

But before they could finish,..........

the waitress interrupted.   "Oh  --  sorry about that."   She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
++++++++++
  
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny ..but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!." 

++++++++++

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'

The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'

'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car." 

++++++++++

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.



Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do', said Keith.

'Did you, err, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.' 
============

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

SEEN ON FACEBOOK...

The poster wanted it shared widely. I thought it followed on nicely from Panda Paws' piece...



Happened last night Friday 10th April and shows up Jim Murphy for what he is.

A slimy git.

I was at a friend’s for dinner in Barrhead. 

Early evening there is a knock at the door, it's Jim Murphy on the Labour campaign trail. Friend brings him in, introduces us as 5 social workers (she always tells people). His opening gambit was " is this a girls Friday night drink party?"

Couple of points here:

1. None of us are "girls” and  haven't been for sometime, but let's say it's his attempt at an ice breaker

2. There was one bottle of Prosseco on the table and significantly more in the way of dining accoutrements.

Anyway, moving on, he starts his piece. Slate, slag, criticise SNP!

We start asking him questions, he appears slightly unnerved!

One friend asks about politicians pay rises, he is getting bit annoyed.

He says she is listening to too much news - point made is media not accepted form of communication in election campaigns???

Why doesn't he challenge BBC? He hasn't got the time !

Same person asks him about cuts to public services stating this is a Westminster issue, asks what Labour will do about it. His response is it’s an SNP issue., They are the ones in Government in Scotland. Alex Salmond gets blame here! No mention throughout discussion about Nicola Sturgeon. (Sorry I thought she was SNP leader)

Debate ensues about what Westminster give Scotland.

 JM needs to leave now.

Another friend speaks about her political history, states she likes Andy Burnham and names few other noteworthy politicians.

 JM response:  "do you like his eyebrows?? All my female friends like his eyebrows".

What??? We are 5 professional, educated, interested women. Why would it be his eyebrows we notice????

Discussion had about nuclear weapons...blah blah.

Then friend who asked about politicians’ salary makes further comment.

 JM replies "you've been on that Internet too much"

I said that the Labour campaign appeared to be about slagging off SNP rather than telling the electorate what Labour will actually do, so he tells us it's all about taxing the rich, taxing the bankers bonuses.

He didn't like it when someone suggested much of the financial problem is down to bankers and politicians.

 I think Alex Salmond got another mention here!

So we still are not clear on what Labour will do. What our discussion confirmed for me is that Labour appear to have an issue with a woman in power in Scotland.

 JM clearly has issues with women in power or indeed who have a view and opinion and are able to question him. His manner, patronising comments and demeanour when speaking to a group of strong women was not fitting for this century, this campaign or indeed the Labour Party.

But poor Jim, of all the doors you had to knock on that one. At one point his minder came to door asking if we had kidnapped him.

I can only imagine him now ...note to self "never accept invite into house, especially if door opened by a woman".

On a lighter note he got off easy, if he had stayed for another 2 bottles the hostess who has a penchant for a wee song after a glass or two could have had him singing "I am the music man “. We will dine out on this for years!

He was our Come Dine With Me entertainment.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Notes from the Shires (The East Renfrewshires)

By Panda Paws



In 2010 I woke up around 4am and decided to switch on the TV and see how the election results looked. I was soon confronted by a very smug looking Jim Murphy. Granted he had every reason to be so since he had increased his majority in what was then the Tories top target seat in Scotland. Next, there was a split screen interview with him and Douglas Alexander and the first thing a smirking Jim said was “Did you win?” To a man in standing in a seat where Labour votes are weighed not counted! 

Alexander had indeed won with around 60% of the vote. It was the overwhelming sense of entitlement and complacency that struck me. These were people who had decided that the narrow SNP win in 2007 at Holyrood was an aberration and the people were back where they belonged, voting Labour. Labour owned them. 

They would surely come back home in 2011.Except they didn’t. 

The referendum would easily be won 70-30 except it wasn’t. 

And now Labour find themselves in an unknown position, far behind the SNP in Westminster polling. I don’t think for a minute that the SNP will win over 50 seats or anything like it, though I do think they will exceed their previous best. To be fair that was 11 out of 72 so it’s not a big ask. But areas that have been Labour since before the Second World War are looking decidedly shaky.

You’d think Jim would be safe though given:

General Election Turnout: 2010 51,181 (77.3%) +5.1

Labour hold
Majority: 10,420 (20.4%) +6.4
Swing: +3.2% from Con to Lab

25,987
50.8
+6.9

Richard Cook
15,567
30.4
+0.5

Gordon MacDonald
4,720
9.2
-9.0

Gordon Archer
4,535
8.9
+2.0

Donald McKay
372
0.7
N/A

But the last Ashcroft polling (sample size 1000) showed only a 1% lead over the SNP who had been fourth in 2010, over 20,000 votes behind him.

I live in one of the affluent parts of the constituency. There have been 3 SNP leaflets, all hand delivered. The Tories have hand delivered one and chapped my door offering another, perhaps hoping for a chat, which was politely if frostily declined. 

Now I know what it was like last year for Labour – standing beside Tories and saying “no thanks”! 

It’s also the first time I’ve EVER had activists chap my door at a General Election and I’m older than Nigel Farage! (Which frightened the life out of me; still I consider it proof positive of the premature ageing effects of excessive booze and fags.)

Bottom line Jim is facing a pincer attack by the SNP on Labour’s left and the Tories on the rig… actually his left!


So how is Jim reacting to this pressure? 

Basically by being on the TV so often I’m sure he has his own room at Pacific Quay, by touring Scotland with a message of old Labour conveniently forgetting his own Blairite credentials (he was David Miliband’s leadership campaign manager), the credentials that enabled him to win in an old Tory area. 

Except old Labour members can’t stand him. 

I’ve had some tell me it’s the one seat they hope to lose. He’s a right winger, a member of the Henry Jackson Society, ardent supporter of the Iraq war and Nu Labour to the core. Facts all the MSM “fluffers” in the world aren’t going to change. 

He’s also someone who voted for tuition fees; which if we’d had them 20 odd years ago would have cost him a fortune, given his nine years at Strathclyde.

Even when he says the right things, he does it in a way that undermines his message. 

For example he’s correct: the amount of NHS money spent on mental health is not only paltry but a disgrace. However, standing in front of a Scottish Labour conference when the party is in turmoil and baldly stating “25% of you have a mental health problem”, well did anyone with an ounce of sarcasm not think “as few as that?” 

The only Labour leaflets I’ve had have been delivered by the postman and, though he’s been seen in Barrhead (according to his twitter feed), there is no sign of any Labour activists in my area. Indeed I hear the Barrhead sighting had as much to do with him by being interviewed by Sky News than him actually canvassing.


He and Ed Miliband are not friends nor allies. Ed’s too far to the left for him. Tommy Ball’s blog suggested Murphy wants Labour to lose the election.

That way, Ed will be purged and the Blairites will be back in the ascendant. Murphy can either bid for the leadership or be assured of a plumb post in the next Labour cabinet. 

It’s an interesting notion but if Murphy presides over the loss of the biggest number of Scottish Labour seats in living history this would not serve him well in his Westminster ambitions. 

However, he has his back-up plan - his bid to be FM in 2016. 

Stop laughing at the back!

If Ed becomes PM, the best he can hope for is Scottish Secretary, the biggest non-job in the cabinet. The Scottish Office where there is so little to do, they invent conversations that didn’t happen in meetings they didn’t attend.

This election promises to be the most interesting in years. I’ll be staying up all night to watch, hoping for many Portillo moments. And whilst just a few months ago I’d never have believed East Renfrewshire might provide one of them, now I’m not so sure. East Ren now looks a three way marginal. 

Can someone buy the popcorn please?
********** 

Panda Paws is just some wummin, with an internet connection and some opinions, whom Munguin and Tris have foolishly allowed atl. She knew those photos would prove useful ;-)  A Yes voter last year, in an independent Scotland she’d vote Green. But we don’t have an independent Scotland and usually she doesn’t have any Green candidates to vote for. All sarcasm is her own, though heavily influenced by the Wee Ginger Dug whom she’d like to be if and when she grows up.  

[Editor's note. If you keep quiet about the photographs (I tell you there's nothing between me and Annabel Goldie) you can have a regular column at the usual rates... OK?]