DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO GO TO ETON? ARE YOU TOO POOR TO PAY THE FEES?

HERE'S YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO GET A SCHOLARSHIP

Thanks to an article in The Independent we know the questions  for an Eton scholarship. We pass them to you in utter secrecy...

Please note that you need only do this test if you are poor.

If you are rich parents, you will be able to afford the fees.

Have a go.... just remember that (as Maggie Curren said this morning on 'Good Morning Scotland'), if your child goes to study in England, and Scotland becomes an independent country, he will become a foreigner. Can you live with that?

1.  Twenty-five protesters have been killed by the Army.  You are the Prime Minister.  Explain why employing the Army against violent protesters was the only option available to you and one which was both necessary and moral.

2. Consider the following sentences in Jangli (a made-up language) with their English translation:

Waldan razu - I am a writer; Had waldan razu - I am the writer.  Write down how you express the following in Jangli - the.

3. Applicants read a speech by inspirational teacher Zarathustra to his pupils and are asked what is meant by the following phrase:  "You are my believers: but what do believers matter"?

4. If today is Friday, what is the day that follows the day that comes after the day that precedes the day before yesterday?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address, together with a €250 registration fee. All cheques made payable to Tris!¬

IAIN MacWHIRTER'S "ROAD TO REFERENDUM"

STV is to broadcast a three-part series examining the history and development of the independence question in Scotland.

Road to Referendum will include exclusive interviews with the First Minister. Alex Salmond and a  range of politicians, commentators and well-known Scottish personalities along with David Cameron will take part in the programme which will be shown on STV from Tuesday, June 4, then 11 and 18.

STV's programmes  look at the past 70 years of Scotland's history  looking at how attitudes to culture and politics have changed over the years  using STV archive material, among other sources to put the history of Scotland's independence debate in context.

The first programme looks at 1945 to 1974; the second programme takens on the "Thatcher Years" , and the final programme starts with John Major's win at the 1992 general election and and the changes of the last 20 or so years which have led to the referendum.

A book to accompany the programmes  has been written by Iain Macwhirter.

On the basis that MacWhirter has shown himself to be among the fairest of the Scottish commentators, writing on the subject of independence, I look forward to a balanced programme.

**********

CALLING ALL MAD SWIVEL-EYED LOONS... COME AND JOIN US. WE'RE JUST THE PARTY FOR YOU.

Click on image to enlarge.

This is Ukip's ad in the Daily Telegraph.

I'm amazed he didn't have something to say about  the vile scum Fascist Scots who hate their country (UK) and insult the English by telling a democratically elected politician to stick the Union Flag up his jacksy! 

I see he did manage to imply that 29,000,000 Romanians and Bulgarians were going to leave their homes and arrive here on January 2nd 2014, (although in reality Nige, that's not actually going to happen, is it? Even your own research showed it was rubbish, but what they heck, makes good copy for the swivel eyed.)

I see he nearly forgot about the Labour and Liberal Democrats and how useless they are... and had to use a postscript. Yes, in a prepared ad in the form of a serious letter, he used a postscript to mention them. (Nasty, tacky 3rd rate gimmicky touch there Nige, and just what we'd expect from you.) 

I expect he had to get on with his next job of the day. 

If ever there was a man I would cross a continent or three to avoid meeting, this fellow is he! I can feel my skin crawling just looking at a picture of him.

That said, he's got the Eton boy on the run. According to an article in the New Statesman, polls have voting intentions between the Tories and Ukip more or less running even. The Liberals are 11 points behind UKIP. 

And possibly largely thanks to Farage and his kippers, Cameron is dans la merde with his backbenchers and may have to be replaced before the next election, according to this Guardian article. 

Still for all that we have this bunch of jokers leading us, we are apparently Better Together, although who knows because Better Together are actually apart these days... Oh it's confusing.

NORWAY, AS SEEN BY SOMEONE WHO WORKED THERE...

The other day I wrote a piece on Norway's National Day, which received few comments, probably because there wasn't that much to say about it.

However I noticed this morning that a contributor called 'Mafia', otherwise known as Stuart Black, had written a post with some of his own experiences of Norway. When I thanked him for his piece, he added a few other reminiscences, and with his permission I now reproduce them here.

First post: 

Tris, wee anecdote, a few years back I was in Norway at a factory acceptance test, and on completion I had to get the bus from Arendal to Kristiansand for my flight. It happened to be National Day and -even at 7 am - the streets were thronged with families all in national costume, parents and children alike. As the bus wended its way through little hamlets the story continued, all were out in their finery, and the atmosphere seemed magical.

Nae nukes mind...

Anyway, the bus driver had been spending some time on a mobile phone, when he turned and beckoned me up front. Explaining that due to the celebrations, the route was bypassing the airport, I was told that I would be dropped at a layby, where a taxi would pick me up to complete my journey. Standing rather apprehensively in the middle of nowhere, I was relieved when a Mercedes turned up and shuttled me off to the airport. With 36 euros on the meter, I fumbled for my wallet, only to be gently told that the bus company would be paying the bill.

Kristiansand

Can you imagine that happening here? Me neither. Beautiful country, great infrastructure, and a society to aspire towards. Love it.

Second Post:

Eeeeek!

Stavangar

I have worked in Stavanger since, but that was my very first visit to Norway. The factory where I was doing the inspection was a modern building set amongst woodland overlooking a fjord, and they insisted on taking me a tour round before we started, with very obvious pride in what they were showing me.

Everyone who started, from a wireman to an accountant, spent their first weeks working in every department, learning each stage of production and testing (they made sophisticated CCTV systems) before taking up their proper duties. 

At lunch everyone used the same (beautiful) facility, again overlooking the fjord, all sat together, no segregation of management and workers.

I was very struck by the spirit and enthusiasm of the staff, and with the realisation that it could be a pleasure to come to work in these circumstances. This allied to the tale above started something within me, a recognition that how we operated in the UK was all wrong, short termism and greed over-riding the kind of mutual co-operation and efficiency that I found embedded in that little factory. An accountant wielding a soldering iron, without complaint! 

I actually travelled home from there with a real sense of wonder, couldn't wait to tell my wife about this lovely country.

Vote YES in 2014 and we may just be able to replicate some of this, and build a society worth paying taxes for, and a society in which it would be a pleasure to participate and live.

What a lovely place Norway seems to be...  Now we might actually be better together with them...

...And thank you Stuart.

NIGEL, THE GIFT THAT KEEPS GIVING

RISING support for UKIP and English opposition to membership of the EU could tip Scotland towards independence, according to a new poll.

The yes and no camps would be neck and neck in next year’s Scottish referendum if voters think Britain is likely to withdraw from the EU, it suggests.

That is, more or less, as much of the article as I can read unless I'd like to pay Rupert Murdoch as little as £2 a week for a subscription to the Sunday Times. Not only would I not like to do this, I'd actually prefer gnawing my foot off than giving him 5p, so, as to the rest of the findings, I remain in the dark as they don't yet seem to be available from Panelbase.

However, it is interesting that the lurch to the right, and anti-European policy which is proving to be so very popular with the English, may not be going down so well with Scots. The last poll I saw put support for the Yes campaign at around 33%, so the "neck and neck" quoted above in today's poll is a huge movement in our favour.

I'm dubious about every opinion poll, and independence polls seem to be more volatile than most, so I take it all with  a hefty pinch of salt, but if it is anywhere near true, I'd like to thank Mr Farage from the bottom of my heart.

RACIST TWEETS FROM UKIP CANDIDATE RON NORTHCOTT

Scots have been accused of being racist and fascist by Nigel Farage. 

Does he know the meaning of the words? Does his colleague Mr Northcott?

What does Farage think of the tweets shown above (click to enlarge) from Mr Northcott?

Farage accused Thursday's small crowd, some estimates said 20 people (Nigel had it at 50), of being anti-English because they told him they didn't want to see the union jack in Scotland again. 

Does he know what the flag of England is? 

Did he know that one of the organisers of the protest is English?

Nigel was launching his party's bid to take the by election seat in Donside.

Does he have any idea how far away from Edinburgh Donside is? (As Bella Caledonia said, can you imagine him launching an election bid for Leeds from  Birmingham?)

Farage and Thatcher. She's the one ON the mug

Farage was outraged that in a democracy he wasn't even allowed to make his point before being shouted down. I'd concede him a point there. We should have let him tell us what his policies were: policies like repatriating powers to Westminster, getting rid of women's and gay rights, abolishing our fairer system of elections, adopting English policies on education (£9,000 a year) and health (selling off the health service) and public services, before we told him we didn't want any of it. 

But Farage wasn't so keen to make his point when he was asked, politely, about his party's dismal showings in Scotland. BBC Scotland's telephone interview was relatively easy going compared with what SNP ministers have to handle. There were no hard hitting questions on some of the dodgier UKIP members, who earned the party the reputation for being clowns; no questions about Farage and his mates in Brussels and Strasbourg allegedly missing vital committee meetings where British fishing interests were in question, because they were allegedly drunk. (Interesting that Northcott above seemed to find it strange that a "jock" would be sober enough to string a sentence together. 

This is Mr Northcott. The one with the red nose

In his answers he conflated anti UK sentiments with anti English sentiments. And complained that he had been surrounded by people who wanted to take Scotland out of the UK. How on earth can he criticise an independence movement when his own party's name is the UK INDEPENDENCE Party.

But for all that, given his chance to put his point, he put down the phone in the huff because he sensed hatred.  Jeez, the man needs to get out more.

Can you imagine how Alex Salmond would have dealt with that?

HAPPY CONSTITUTION DAY

Sorry Norway, I've been so busy, I missed it on the day. 

How nice to have a day that you could be proud of your country. Hopefully we will have one too very soon. A day of celebration and national pride. It's something that I've never experienced so far in my life.

Mrs Thatcher once told us to "rejoice at that news", but I seem to remember that that was because she'd managed to kill more Argentinians than Galtieri  had killed Brits. I don't celebrate death, so I couldn't join in.

Anyway, we hope you had a wonderful day in your wonderful country. 

AND SENT HIM HOMEWARD TAE THINK AGAIN

Nigel Farage's party has a plan for Scotland.

Nigel today,  in a pub, before he was carted off.

He said this week that Ukip was growing in Scotland, and today in Edinburgh, he called a press conference (in a pub) to promote the Ukip candidate in the Donside by-election caused by the death of Brain Adams last month. One might ask why he didn't do it in Donside... but that's Nigel for you.

In any case he may wish that he had. The conference, held in a pub in the Royal Mile was infiltrated by demonstrators and the press conference had to be abandoned, the pub cleared and Farage had to be smuggled out the back door and taken away in a police anti-riot van.

Farage's party's 2010 general election manifesto pledged to replace the 129 MSPs with Scottish MPs.

Edinburgh's parliament would be retained only on a part-time basis with MPs spending one week a month on ''devolved business'' in Edinburgh and the rest of the time in London. (I think he got the idea for Europe spending a week every month in Strasbourg.)

English MPs would sit on ''English-only days'' to give people south of the border a more distinct parliament.

Nigel some other day...in a pub.

Ukip also proposes reducing Holyrood's power, arguing that all UK citizens should be entitled to equal treatment in health, education and public services. (So what exactly would the point of Edinburgh be?).

I imagine that under Ukip the English systems would be forced upon Scots, opening up further opportunities for friends of the Tories to make a lot of money as they privatise Education and health.

Ukip won 147 county council seats in England earlier this month, a gain of 131. At the 2010 election in Scotland they got precisely no seats with less than 1% of the vote.

Some Scots may not want an independent Scotland, Nigel, but there are very few that want the parliament to be downgraded to a talking shop to decide what colour to paint the park fences in Edinburgh.

Take the hint, matey, and concentrate your efforts on England. You're on more fertile ground there.

Footnote:

The protest was organised by Radical Independence Edinburgh who called an 'emergency protest' on their Facebook page earlier today. They told the Huffington Post UK: "Farage came up to Scotland to spread his racism and bigotry here - we showed he's not welcome.

"His party UKIP have always achieved a derisory vote in Scotland but Farage thought that could change after their recent local elections successes in England.

"In 2014 we finally have the chance to get rid of the political system at Westminster that pours fuel onto the bigoted fire of Farage and UKIP. Scotland wants to be a country that welcomes immigrants - but we need independence to make that desire a reality."

THE TV DEBATES START

Yes to an Independent Scotland have announced that STV’s current affairs programme, Scotland Tonight, will broadcast its first major TV debate on the Scottish independence referendum with Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon and Scottish Secretary Michael Moore on Thursday May 16.

This is the first in a series of live, head-to-head Scotland Tonight Referendum Special debates examining key issues in the independence debate.

The subject for this debate is the economics of independence and whether Scotland will be better or worse off as an independent country. They will also have the opportunity to cross-examine each other.

Political 'experts' will provide analysis before, after and throughout the debate from a second STV studio, with viewers encouraged to interact by sending their own reactions via social media.

Gordon Macmillan, Head of News at STV, said: "STV is committed to providing a platform for debate around all the key issues ahead of the 2014 referendum and this series of Scotland Tonight specials will give viewers the opportunity to hear the arguments from both sides of the discussion, from Scotland’s biggest political players."

The debate will be streamed live on the STV News website (http://www.stv.tv/scotlandtonight) and will be available for catch-up on the STV Player.

Congratulations to STV for staging this debate. In my opinion the state broadcaster  which we all pay around £2,50 a week to support in that luxurious position, should have been responsible for providing this platform. However, given their record, doubtless it would have been rigged against Nicola.

I went to the BBC site today to read the story about Christian Allard being sworn into parliament. Because Scottish stories on the BBC do not allow comment, I was unable to congratulate him. Strange that other "regions" of the BBC allow comments!

BRILLIANT

Thanks to Cynical Highlander for pointing this beauty out.

SOME THINGS WE CANNOT COMMENT ON...YOU KNOW, THE THINGS THAT MAKE US LOOK RIDICULOUS!

Why would we be surprised at this double standard?

I seem to recall exactly the same argument being used when Labour supporting Jimmy Carr was discovered to be a bit creative about paying his  taxes, in that he wasn't much doing it. 

Cameron was on him like a ton of bricks, and only remembered that prime ministers don't comment on individual cases when it turned out his mate, the Tory Gary Barlow, obe, from Take That, was also on the fiddle. 

At least their double standards are consistent. 

++++++++++

Now that BetterTogether are Better Apart, run by the Conservatives and the Liberals, we discover that the joke ex prime minister and part time MP, Gordon Brown, has renounced his North British nationality, which he so proudly trumpeted whilst on his first visit to the USA as prime minister some years ago, just before he saved the world. He has presumably applied for, and been granted Scottish nationality, of which he is also proud.

Cometh the day, cometh the appropriate nationality.

++++++++++

Has anyone told Alistair Darling that the Tories and The Liberals, are now running Better Together? Is there redundancy pay?

FUR COATS...

...and no knickers

It doesn't have to be like this. It really doesn't. 

But does anyone think that people in London give a damn if Scots live in these multiply deprived areas, as long as people like Cameron can brag that Britain has the forth largest military spend in the world and is, therefore, a force to be reckoned with?

I know that instead of fighting pointless and sometimes illegal wars against countries in the Middle East, I'd rather we spend our vast income on giving Scots somewhere decent to live.

After the referendum and a positive outcome, there will be a period when the Scottish government negotiates with the UK government who gets what; who pays for what.

Then, five years after the last Scottish general election in 2011, there will be a Scottish general election. 

By 2016 the Scottish branch of London Labour will have had time to break free of the policies that are designed to impress the Ukip trending, Tory voting, southern part of England.

It's unlikely that a successful party like the SNP will disappear completely, although some may rejoin the parties from whence they came. But it seems likely that we'll have at least two parties whose policies are broadly progressive. 

With the Tories similarly detached from the greedy big business London City politics that they have followed since Mrs Thatcher's day we might even have a half decent right of centre party, possibly led by someone like Murdo, who was only stopped in his tracks last time round by Cameron's (strictly against the rules) interventions on behalf of his little helper, Ruth, only a few weeks into her political career.

We will have a lot of UK debt to pay off, but we will have vast resources: resources that  will make us one of the top ten rich countries of the world. 

We could rid ourselves of the fur coats, and buy up half of Marks & Spencer's  knicker department in the first year.

This article is worth a read.

SNAPS ON SUNDAY

This is what they want. Yellow trousers explosion in a paint factory shaping the future to a racist, homophobic, isolationist future with no devolution.

This is what we have. Minister for external affairs promoting Scotland and Scottish products in Germany

It's true

We didn't vote for this. Labour and SNP voted against...

That's another thing I can say YES to, although to be fair, only about 625 are actually corrupt bastards.

Compelling cases?

Which wouldn't be stupid if the idiot Cameron isn't demanding that the EU  discuss renegotiations of UK terms in the EU PRIOR to their referendum.

Sums it up perfectly. Why can't the rest of Labour be like these guys? Oh yeah, House of Lords! Silly me.

Sounds like Norway, sounds like a real life for our kids

It's what they seem to want... Good luck to them

Richer and richer and going into killing people when it could be used for keeping people alive.

Bless him. He probably should have stayed with carrier pigeon technology

I've been there and they do it rather well.

Yet I see that 50% of Scots now think that King Charles and Queen Mrs Parker Bowles will be an asset... 

Britain...makes you proud

And to cheer us up...

They know how to build roads in Norway, and of course they can afford them

They know how to make waterfalls in Iceland...

They certainly know how to do that in the City of London

Bitter Together have such compelling arguments all 7 million 463 of them

Handy waste disposal unit

that makes..... 5x days that have passed without me using algebra

People who think that women s place is in the kitchen should remembered that that's where the knives are kept

Stupidity is not considered to be a handicap. Go and Park yourself somewhere else

Humza Yousaf: Minister for External Affairs and Intentional Development, and one of the best and busiest MSPs in parliament and a damned nice guy too.