BORIS BE...

 

Malcolm Chisholm‏@MalcolmChishol1

Theresa May claiming SNP partly responsible for Brexit ( Scotland on Sunday) is indeed beyond parody !

PROBLEMS WITH HARD BOARDERS

A Twitter friend, Craig, (@Jahaangle) pointed out the dangers of scrolling down to the readers' comments on the Daily Express.

Sooooo, what have we?

Old Majicarpet was happy that Scotland voted to stay in the Union, but seems somewhat displeased that we are not equally content with :

i) Losing the tax office jobs we were promised would be secured by voting NO;

ii) Losing the passport office jobs we were told would be secured by voting NO;

iii) Finding out that the warning we got that pensions were unsustainable in Scotland, was actually true of the UK;

iv) Finding that the 13 Frigates promised in the weeks before the referendum weren't actually going to be built in Scotland at all because there was no money (given that £200 billion had to be found for Trident, and god knows how many billion for the English railways, and heaven only knows how much to keep the "honourable" members and the "noble" lords in the kind of luxury to which they are accustomed);

v) That the only way that we could stay in the EU (which 63% of us want) was in fact NOT to stay in the UK. Because of votes in England and Wales, we are going to be leaving. Well, maybe when the people who orchestrated it have worked out what the hell we are going to do instead.

Odd that we'd not be satisfied with that and so many other things. Still we're a funny lot, aren't we? Foreign, you see! And foreigners and Daily Express readers don't exactly get on.

In any case, if we do have another referendum, we can see what kind of conditions will be opposed upon us, should we choose to allow the Daily Express readership any input on the terms and conditions.

First of all our "Boarders" and going to have to be hard. So get ready to repel boarders, because we have enough hard cases here already. Then, and somehow it's all in the same sentence, all Scots (with a lower case "s") need to have a passport. But then most of us probably do, already, whether we are scots or Scots. An EU one for the moment. 

I'm just wondering if the 'hard boarders' will have to have passports. Whatcha think?

I'm assuming any Scot who doesn't have one wouldn't be able to go to the rUK, should they want to? But, wouldn't, equally, any rUK person also need a passport... or would they not ever want to come to Scotland, cos it's so crap?

Apparently too, we have "to" much of the country so these "boarders" have to be "reset" (isn't that taking stolen goods to sell?). It's these 'hard boarders' again, I tell ye, pinching stuff and flogging it!

Twenty per cent tariff on whisky, water, electricity, gas, not to mention haggis and shortbread..? Yep, I'll go with that. Can you afford it rUK?

The shipyard thing is sort of a done deal anyway. They stopped ordering ships when they got their desired results in 2014, and have spend the intervening time cancelling the orders they made to win shipbuilding votes.

I'm sure that we could allow the vote on Scottish independence to be UK wide, if the vote on UK independence were EU wide, don't you think?

I'm unconvinced about the oil all belonging to England though; I'm not sure that Wales or Northern Ireland would see it that way either.... but, that said, it is a huge liability, apparently, so maybe, yes. 

In return they could take their nuclear subs on day one, and to make it a decent deal they can take the Windsors and their aristocracy too, including the Moany woman, I mean lady. They could put them all together on Trident and sail them away.

NICOLA'S STATEMENT ON THE OUTCOME OF THE EU REFERENDUM

Nicola Sturgeon gave a statement on the outcome of the EU referendum. She set out what action the Scottish Government will now take to safeguard our future in Europe, following the unequivocal vote for Scotland to remain in the EU.

Here’s what you need to know.

1. Scotland being taken out of the EU against our will is a significant and material change in the circumstances that prevailed in 2014.

During the 2014 referendum we were told that only a No vote would guarantee that Scotland would remain in the EU - this has proved not to be the case. We believe this is a democratically unacceptable situation.

2. We will take all possible steps and explore all options to secure Scotland’s continuing place in the EU and in the single market in particular.

We are clear that the Scottish Government must be fully involved in all decisions about the next steps the UK Government takes. The Scottish Government will also seek discussions with the EU institutions and its member states, including the earliest possible meeting with the President of the European Commission.

3. The Scottish Government will begin to prepare the required legislation to enable a new independence referendum - if and when Parliament so decides.

When the process for the UK to leave the EU begins in three months time, it is expected to take two years to leave. If the Scottish Parliament decides that a second referendum is the best or only way to protect our place in Europe, it must have the option to hold one within that timescale.

The need to act decisively will be tempered with the need to build consensus. While many people who voted No in 2014 are reassessing their decision, we will not simply assume their support - we will be straight and honest with them.

4. For citizens of other EU countries living here in Scotland - you remain welcome here, Scotland is your home and your contribution is valued.

The Remain vote in Scotland was won by a campaign that was positive about the EU and about the benefits of migration. Scotland has voted to renew its reputation as an outward looking, open and inclusive country.

5. Our business community can be reassured that as of now we remain firmly in the EU.

Trade and business should continue as normal - we are determined that Scotland will continue to be an attractive and stable place to do business.

The survey Nicola referred to is available HERE

THE FIRST MINISTER IS LOOKING AT EVERY POSSIBILITY

PROJECT FEAR AND THE TORY LEADERSHIP BATTLE

As we've said before, Munguin's Republic hasn't really got an opinion on the current referendum. 

On balance, if pushed, we think that there would be comedic value in Boris as leader of the Conservative Party. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about the prime minister falling in a river, or being suspended from a high wire waving a rather too colourful flag.

And we reckon too, that there is a possibility a Boris government would hasten the end of the United kingdom, even more quickly than a David Cameron one would. Possibly starting in Northern Ireland and leaving the rest of us to follow.

But, as we say, without detailed economic evidence, or some arguments that have a measure of certainty (or even credibility), we honestly don't know who would make the better prime minister.

It's in a far off land of which we know precious little.

Most of the time, after the second week of the campaign when we were disgusted at the poverty of arguments, we've done our best to avoid reading about or listening to the claptrap from both candidates. 

The general impression has been that the two sides are competing for the position of Project Fear. At least in the Scottish referendum one side was putting forward a positive message.

However, today's pensions story caught our attention on Twitter.

According to Dodgy Dave, if the UK leaves the EU then pensions will be at risk. Yes, the Eton boy has succumbed to the kind of threats that Labour descended to when door knocking around Scotland back in 2014. If you vote to leave the UK, your pension in Scotland will disappear. Clearly it was nonsense, and even the repugnant DWP under IDS admitted it was fabrication, but it scared some older people into changing their minds. Scared them silly!

OK, he hasn't gone so far as to say that the pension will disappear, but he reckons that, if the UK leaves the EU, the triple lock  will be endangered because the country just won't have the money to pay the second  lowest pensions in the developed world. 

If it were true what would THAT say about our united kingdom, Dave? 

Something pretty shabby, we'd say

But, of course it is not true.

The EU has absolutely no say whatsoever in the pensions of UK citizens. We accept that if it did they would undoubtedly be higher. 

But then neighbouring countries outside the EU have HIGHER pensions. 

(Nor does it the EU dictate what benefits there should be for the sick, the disabled or the unemployed. Nor does it set taxation levels. The UK makes its mind up what pensioners are worth. Or rather how little it can get away with paying them.

But Dodgy Dave the Pig Man reckons that the economy will be so badly hit that cuts will have to be made.  This may or may not be true. I've not met anyone who knows one way or the other (although it is fair to say that in the period of change, as there will be when Scotland becomes independent, there will be a measure of uncertainly in financial markets).

Even accepting the possibility that there wouldn't be so much money around, at least for a while, it seems that Dave would choose to cut pensions for the elderly rather than say, cut the amount spent on nuclear weapons, rebuilding Westminster, embassies, royals, the house of lords, baubles for those and such as those, fighting wars all over the middle east, etc, etc. 

It wouldn't occur to him that clamping down on tax avoidance and evasion (well, of course it wouldn't) would be a better way to reduce spending in a potentially smaller economy?

We wonder if it turns out that without all the industrial and commercial regulations that the EU imposes, Britain does, as Bozo the Clown suggest, prosper outside the union, will pensions go up?

Aye right! I'll get my coat.

MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS...

Jon Snow ‏@jonsnowC4  2h2 hours ago

Tories go to court to try to prevent Kent police having extra time to investigate huge sums they spent in defeating Farage in South Thanet.

Scott Nelson ☭ ‏@SocialistVoice  57m57 minutes ago

Osborne is on course to miss his deficit targets, yet says Brexit will bring Britain into recession #PlankOfEngland

HYPOCRITES TO THE LEFT AND HYPOCRITES TO THE RIGHT

Ba' heid Boris was never off the news today telling us what a hypocrite President Obama was (incidentally, for agreeing with his (Boris's boss) and weighing in on Cameron's side against Brexit.

The hypocrisy was apparently that Obama would never allow free movement of labour into and out of the United States. (It could be argued of course that within the united STATES of America one can move freely from state to state, find gainful employment, go to college, retire etc, etc. So poor old Florida with its (usually) wonderful climate gets more than its fair share of pensioners fleeing "the snows of New England states" to look after. But it is fair to say that that's splitting hairs.)

So it's a reasonably fair comment from Johnson. It's nothing to do with the American president and in our opinion he shouldn't have commented at all. (I can't begin to imagine what Cameron promised him for his endorsement, but expect us to be at war some time very soon.)

The suit that caused a stoushie (and the President wearing it)

However, when Obama (again at the behest of Cameron) was being equally hypocritical over the Scottish Referendum by advising Scots to stay with the UK (given that breaking away from Britain was a trend actually set by the United States of America), I don't remember Bojo saying a single word against him.

So when it comes to being a hypocrite, let's just say that it takes one to know one, eh Boris?

IT'S NOT THE BEST WEEK HE'S EVER HAD...

Last week was certainly not been a good week for David Cameron.

There was the news that his government was spending £9 million of taxpayers' money on political leaflets to explain his view of the EU, or to put it another way, why he thinks it is important that the UK vote to stay. 

He excused this by saying it was the view of the British government and therefore it was right that the government (taxpayer) fund it. 

But of course it is not. It is, in fact, the view of some of the British government. It is not, for example, the view of Mr Grayling, or Mr Gove, Ms Patel, etc. Perhaps this other half of the British government should be allowed £9 million to give a contrary explanation?

Then there was the little matter of Mrs Cameron seeming inability to dress herself without the aid of a £53,000 a year assistant, employed by US, you and me,  to ensure that she didn't leave the house unsuitably attired of a morning. (It's rather a lot for a lady's maid. Ask the Queen's dressers how they feel about earning £53,000 a year.)

So why? 

This government is taking £30 a week from sick people and sending lads suffering from Downs, autism and epilepsy, and who can't read or write, 20-page forms to fill in to prove that they are entitled to some miserly state benefit. Meanwhile Mrs Cameron, who's seemed relatively sentient to me on every occasion that I have seen her, apparently can't go out of the house without someone there to check she's put her vest on the right way round. 

And even if she can't manage dressing, what has it got to do with you and me? So Munguin asked himself some questions... then, as is his way, without waiting for my response, answered them.

Is Mrs Cameron an employee of the government? 

No. 

Does it matter to the country if she wears a brown dress with blue shoes, a pink striped hat and an orange handbag? 

No.

What is Mrs Cameron's role in the running of the country?

She has none, beyond being the partner of the prime minister. She is quite at liberty to attend or not attend social functions with him. (Several partners in the past have decided to absent themselves from functions, and to dress themselves, just like you and I and most of the rest of the country seem to be able do.) If Mrs Cameron decides to avail herself of the hospitality of state functions, what she wears to them is sod all to do with us.

So why are we paying someone to put her clothes on for her? 

James Melville ‏@JamesMelville  2h2 hours ago

The sick joke of us paying taxes & getting cuts to public services while our tax haven PM uses £53k of our taxes for his wife's stylist.

269 retweets179 likes

Then, of course, we have the revelations (which it took four days and four different fairy stories to unearth) that Cameron failed to declare income from off shore investments. Nuff said. He criticised other people for doing it. His chancellor called them criminals. And then when asked about his involvement in offshoring (given his father's involvement) he did an Alistair Carmichael and lied through his teeth.

Perhaps one of the people most entitled to feel aggrieved at this news was Jimmy Carr, who tweeted (never mind the spelling): 

Jimmy Carr 

✔‎@jimmycarr

I'm going to keep it classy. It would be ‘morally wrong’ and ‘hypocrytical’ to comment on another individual’s tax affairs.

4:32 PM - 8 Apr 2016

Despite the protests against him in London on Saturday Mr Cameron hasn't done the decent thing and stood down. Maybe, like in Iceland where herra Gunnlaugsson resigned, there are others in the Cabinet equally as guilty as he is and the last thing they want now are calls for an election.

Oh, and wouldn't it be nice if the state broadcaster didn't have to be reminded that this was NEWS!
**********
Now today we learn from the BBC that the PM has published his tax returns in an effort to dispel any notion that there's been something untoward in his tax dealings. 

OK, so it turns out it was not his tax returns that he published at all, but a summary thereof. So what the hell use is that? 

I mean, seriously, you wouldn't expect him to include any dubious dealings on his tax returns, would you?  And the "summary", as opposed to the real thing is even more worthless, because it is dependant on our belief (or not) that his staff are telling the truth. 

And so far the truth has been the missing magic ingredient in this whole sorry débacle.

But there's more... The returns also show that Mrs Mary Cameron, his mother, gave David two separate gifts of £100,000, each in 2011. Why? Was he hard up? Could he not afford lunch? Or one of these "proper suits" his mother insists people should wear?

Alternatively, could it have been in an effort to reduce the duties on her death?

Mrs Cameron herself is taking a break from lecturing people about the quality of their suits (Dave could have nearly 100 of them with that £200,000), the straightness of their ties and their lusty renditions of God Save the Queen, to have instead, cross words with the press about how her little David has done nothing wrong and it's all a fuss about nothing.

But in fact, dear lady, it is a fuss about something. No one is seriously suggesting that he or his father have done anything particularly illegal or indeed anything that other very rich people do. 

But David Cameron and George Osborne, prime minister and chancellor, are on record as saying that they feel any kind of tax dodging is morally insupportable. 

Clearly, but not if you are "one of them".

For all the negatives of the European Union, it has, at least been making efforts to introduce across the market rules about tax avoidance. And guess which country has been blocking these moves? Yes, that's right, the same one which has blocked tariffs on Chinese steel while blaming the EU for the fact that they can't act.

For an ex PR man, Cameron has given an object lesson on how not to handle a crisis.  

I was pondering this morning what Cameron would do it this was an embarrassing member of the Cabinet, rather than him, that was in this mess...

...Or what the BBC, which is playing down this massive story, would have had to say had this (laughably) been Mr Corbyn, or Nicola Sturgeon?
***********

On reflection, she looks like she's wearing the bedroom curtains. 

PS: I just read that Mr Cameron gets the Conservative Party to help pay for his suits and for his wife's clothes. I wonder if his mother knew about that! I'm so glad I didn't respond favourably to any of his "Dear Peregrin" begging letters. I can hardly afford my own clothes never mind paying for Mr and Mrs Cameron's.

WELL, THAT SHOULD HACK CAMERON OFF

This EU whole thing gets more exciting by the day.

I wonder if she's purred that little message down the phone to Eton Boy!

If you read the small print of course, the Sun is about a year out of date with this news, as the story tells of how she "let rip" at the then deputy Prime Minister Cleggy.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the skiving, skiing prince, Willy, say only a couple of weeks ago, before he disappeared on yet another holiday, that they should stay in the Union?

All this London politics gets a bit complex for us poor Scots. Conflicting evidence from two of the most respected political commentators of the family.

Still, as I say, it should hack Cameron off, and really, who could ask for more?

It's probably worth saying that Buckingham Palace and Clegg and everyone else denies absolutely that this happened and the household says the Queen would never get involved in politics. Not in the UK, not in Scotland, not in Québec, and not in Europe.

HAVEN'T I HEARD ALL THESE ARGUMENTS BEFORE?

Are you people beginning to understand our frustration?

Fotos on Friday

Remember when the Labour Party was like this?
 (Thanks Mister_TMG)

Now look at it...
What does he think he's in?
Looks like The Muppets to me!

And yet, Mr Average is more concerned about the guy with the pretendy sore back whose made off with
a miserable £4 000, than he is with Gary Barlow, HSBC, Royal Bank, or Google which have made of with billions .

So much for our democracy.

What I can't understand is that a man who spent so much time with Margaret Thatcher and Prince Charlie wasn't forensically examined by the secret services. Every time I hear an excuse for another establishment figure, I think about that!

DUH! Doctors? What's that then?

I suppose if you work for a compulsive liar like IDS,
you have to learn the lying trade 'Priti' damned quick.

OK, so if he gets his wall built (as if) how does
 he get his suits over the wall? (Thanks Danny)

Well obviously it is because British People are Special! DUH thicky!

Nanny, Nanny, did you do that hen house at the end?