JUST FOR A LAUGH

A: I have the perfect son. 

B: Does he smoke? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: Does he drink whisky? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: Does he ever come home late? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Three Aussie blokes, Mongrel, Coot, and Bluey are working up on an outback mobile phone tower; as they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower, and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says,'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'

'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead, and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She answered, 'You must be mistaken... I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are...'