Friday 17 October 2014


In Orkney, where Zebra crossings are
for Otters!

From the Independent.

Even by the standards of political leaders, the speed and scale of the broken promise about Scotland has been glorious. Two days after signing a “vow” to hand over “extensive new powers”, David Cameron announced he would indeed act swiftly to ensure Scottish MPs had less power.

You couldn't help applaud, like if the groom at a wedding reception began his speech by saying: “You all heard me make those vows of lifelong partnership to my wife a few hours ago. That’s why I can declare I’ve already given the bridesmaid one in the graveyard behind the church, a task I was committed to seeing through and will carry out again and again until I am fully satisfied. Now are there any questions?”

Cameron, Clegg and Miliband didn't just promise. They might have made do with a pledge, but Clegg had already ruined the meaning of a pledge. With his record of doing the exact opposite of what he’s pledged, by now he’d have abolished Scotland altogether, or reclassified it as a species of insect.

So they made a “solemn vow”, the sort made to God by monks in the 7th century, and now that’s worthless as well so next time they’ll have to raise it to a sacrifice. Before the election, David Cameron will kneel before an altar and chop a goat in half, then as he smears its blood on his face he’ll say, “I will raise the minimum tax threshold”, before talking in tongues and fainting.

Because where a few weeks ago the party leaders were making speeches such as, “Scotland, Scotland, Scotland, together we fought evil and invented fish and created the sun, oh beloved Scotland we are bound by the heavens, I would gladly have my buttocks sculpted to resemble the mountains of Glen Coe to secure our togetherness”, this week they didn't even mention Scotland in a debate about Scotland.

Many MPs, including Alistair Darling, didn't turn up for it, and the debate in Parliament was all about which votes to exclude Scottish MPs from. Gordon Brown begged the Conservatives to think about introducing the measures they’d got him to absolutely guarantee they were absolutely introducing, to which they replied: “Oh shut up going on about Scotland.  It’s typical of the unfairness that this Scotland debate has only once mentioned Hemel Hempstead.”

So the main part of any new law will  be to ensure Scottish MPs can’t vote on English matters because, as some English MPs say: “This unfair situation makes  many people angry.”

You can see why it has to be dealt with, if it’s making many people angry. There aren't enough anger management therapists around to deal with the anxiety of so many people punching trees in rage and climbing to the tops of gas works to yell: “Why, why, why can a law, in theory, that alters, say, building regulations in my area be voted on by some bastard from Stenhousemuir when my MP can’t vote on building regulations there. Aye? Why, Why, Why?”

All of us who live in England know the heartache of begging our MP to vote about the proposed ring road in Stranraer, just for them to clasp our hand and tearfully tell us they have no say.

Maybe they’ll ease the concerns by making another vow, to give Scotland even more extensive powers, and then take a bit more away. Then they can keep doing this until Scotland is owned by a Saxon warlord, and Glasgow has to provide 200 knights a month to fight the Normans.

William Hague has assured the SNP the timetable for the vow is still on schedule, but it seems likely there’ll be an imaginative definition of “extensive new powers”. Most likely is they will be:

a) Falkirk gets mentioned on the BBC weather map every Tuesday, and;

b) water from English seas will be allowed to flow past Scotland, if the tide’s heading that way.

And in return Scottish MPs will only be allowed to vote on issues relating to shortbread.

Whatever you think about Scottish independence, this system of doing the opposite of what is pledged or vowed appears to be the rule now. Over the next few months, party leaders will film themselves with their parents, and say “I supervow on their souls, that I will never raise VAT and will hand them to the Devil personally if I so much as consider putting it up.” Then a year later they'll say they have to be realistic and need to put it up to help hard-working families, and make their mum Minister of VAT and the Devil, Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

The Liberal Democrats combine this technique with a surly sorry, that appears as heartfelt as when a teenager breaks a promise about vacuuming the living room. So whenever the issue is raised of how they trebled the tuition fees they pledged to abolish, they say: “Oh for God’s sake I said sorry didn’t I? I’ll say it again shall I? Sorry! There. Happy Now?”

Then the party leaders puzzle as to  why their support slips away to a new bunch of parties.

Maybe one way they can reverse this is to try a more forthright approach, and to start with they could say: “If the Scottish are so daft as to believe our vow, maybe that proves they're not fit to run their own country anyway, the idiots.” 


  1. 55% of them aren't anyway. Maybe we had a narrow escape from a mindless, pocket-lining government voted for by idiots...oh, wait a minute...
    Very funny, but I'm still greetin' too much to laugh.

    1. Cheer up. The future looks good...

  2. The last paragraph, is probably, what the unionist politicians think; fekers.

    1. I think that what the unionists thing is

      (a) If they are not Scottish: Good, we got the money coming in for a while. On with all the roads projects in England, the rail projects in England and the are in the Middle East.

      (b) If they are Scottish: Phew! Gravy train still operational, final destination House of Lords. Now where's my expenses forms...?

    2. On both counts, bang on.

  3. tris and the forever malcontents

    So you lot say NO won the referendum due to the VOW although you
    have not one jot of evidence to support this assertion, It is entirely
    possible indeed probable if the VOW had not been made the margin
    of victory for the NO vote would of been even larger .
    But we wont have that as it dont fit in with the grievance culture of
    the snp we wuz robbed the NO voters were mindless dupes of the
    BBC (the mind altering unionist propaganda machine ) ,

    From what I understand nothing has yet been agreed, disagreed
    vote on yay or nay no doubt Cameron is in thrall to the ukippers.
    but at the moment he is like you nats all talk and lots of pie in the sky.
    Still it'll not stop a habit of lifetime of you lot whinging whining etc .
    you lot had your go you lost..... Get over..yeah i know you wont.

    PS seeing as nicola has become the First minster shoulnt there be an election
    to see if the settled will Scottish people is in agreement ???

    yeah I know there wont be...........still you lot did whine about Gordon when
    he became prime minister Oops silly me it Nats rules and they make it up as they go

    1. NIKO:

      How many people do you know (that are sane) wait until a week before a bit deal when they know all the figures show them winning, and suddenly vow that they will give something that they swore they wouldn't give.

      I mean seriously. ...

      Added to which a unionist organised a pretty extensive poll the day after which showed that 25% who voted no, did so because of the vow.

      Even with a huge error or margin that's still pretty decisive.

      In any case, like it or not for whatever reason... be it that they knew they were losing and had to do something, or that they they are all start raving bonkers and gave away devo max, even though they were well ahead... The vow was made.

      To be honest I would like to see a General Election to confirm (or not) nicola as First Minister. I think that, whatever anyone says, the choice for some people is based on who will be the senior person in the government.

      However, it is not in the remit of the Scottish government to call a general election. To do that they would need permission to break the cycle of elections drawn up by the sovereign government... ie Westminster.

      Scottish parliamentary elections take place every 4 years, or 5 if this interferes with the more important Westminster parliamentary election. The same goes for Assembly elections in Wales, Belfast and London.

      The London government controls all elections.

      At the time when Brown was made prime minister it was in his power to call an election. All he had to do was to go to the palace and ask the Queen if she would dissolve parliament. (That would be more difficult now that they have fixed terms in England too.)

  4. Tris, Why do we keep allowing Niko space here? This last comment made no sense, none nada.
    Did you say he is going to be around for another year?
    Well all I can say is I am stopping reading his drivel, that way I can keep my sanity.

  5. The presence of this hate mongering windup merchant on the site doesn't add anything of value whatsoever to the discussion or debate.

    I would also add that it has had the 'desired effect' of dissuading me from sharing some of the items from the site with family and acquaintances.

    1. OK. I'm sorry that Niko is upsetting you, and dissuading you form sharing the comments.

      Niko has been with us since the site began. He came along with Subrosa, Spookie, Conan, John... and so many other people who got it up and running.

      I know he can be irritating, but he does actually make some good points form time to time.

      For example it is a valid point that we objected to Brown's Coronation, but have accepted Sturgeons.

      It did give me the opportunity to point out that, there's nothing we can do about that.

      Even if we asked Westminster for permission we wouldn't be allowed to because of the proximity of the (in their view) more important Westminster elections.

      After all, in fact it should be 2015 for Edinburgh, but they were, by Westminster's decree, put back for a year to allow London elections to take place at the time that Mr Cameron decided.

      If you find him irritating... just skip past him.

      Niko: Try to be more sensible. That's an order!