A couple of thoughts...

Erm..was ist Ihre Telefonnummer?

Mr Obama has, over the last two days, been obliged to defend his state security apparatus's alleged earwigging on French telephone calls. He was obliged to speak directly to the President of the Republic. 

Today he has had to speak to the Chancellor of Germany to try to pacify her after allegations were made that the NSA had been listening to German telephone calls, including, it is suspected, the calls of the Chancellor herself.

I was wondering if any protests will be made by David Cameron that the calls of British people have been monitored, or does Eton Dave not have the cojones of Monsieur Hollande or Frau Merkel?

Silly question. 

Much more likely that Cameron's response would be: "Shall I fetch you the London telephone directory Mr Obama Sir? Shall I dial for you sir?"
******

Salmonella? More like mad cow disease

Dear Mrs Currie,

I always thought you were a bit of a dim old bird, but today I realised that you are, in fact, completely batshit mad. Actually I do believe that you're even thicker than Nadine.

Even the stupidest of people taking part in a radio debate about Scottish independence, would try to find out the name of the first minister of Scotland. You have no idea how insulting it is that you couldn't be arsed to do that.

Perhaps you'd be kind enough to let us know when exactly it was that you remember Mr Salmond being a Labour MP; much less him trying to be Labour leader. Having joined the SNP whilst at university, he'd have found all that a tad difficult.

I suspect that Mr Cameron has done his very best NOT to give the impression (that you gave in spades) that he is too high, mighty and superior to discuss and debate with a mere first minister. You, in typical incompetent Currie style, blew it all away.

You then insisted, despite everyone else on the radio show disagreeing with you, that Mr Cameron was a better debater than Mr Salmond. Today's PMQs with a bright red faced prime minister fending off attacks after his hastily put together plans regarding domestic fuel prices came under fire, reminded us just what a star debater he is. He may have had the palace connections and the money to get himself the job. It doesn't mean he's the least bit good at it. Still you and he appear to have the same ideas on how the great unwashed should stave off death in the cold of the winter.

Talking of that, Cameron was obliged to put together his ill thought out plans on energy overnight, because your ex-paramour blew him out of the water yesterday.

So whilst on that subject of Johnnie, can I ask you, is it true that he tucks his shirt into his underpants?

Yours sincerely

Munguin