THE "DEAR PEREGRIN" LETTERS

If this weren't so funny it would be pathetic.

Dear Peregrin,

I remember so well the day my first son was born - and in that moment, when you become a parent, absolutely everything changes.

Everything you do is for your children.

You've got this huge responsibility not just to love them, but to provide for them throughout their life. (Throughout their life, eh? They not going to grow into hard-working families up and down the country?)

And you want to know that even after you're gone, you can still provide for them. (I thought that the Tory motto was that people should stand on their own two feet and not depend on others to look after them even when they were dead?)

Because there is no more important kind of security than knowing your family is going to be OK financially. (Aye, all these people you've put in the food bank and on short term, or zero hour contracts, or minimum wage, or IDS's prison camps, know that kind of security Dave)

And that is why the next Conservative Government will take the family home out of inheritance tax. (That will be a comfort to Scottish families working in Tesco  and claiming social security to pay the rent.)

That home you have worked and saved for belongs to you and your family - you should be able to pass it on to your children. (Except of course, if you inherited it yourself. Did you work hard and save for your homes, Dave?)

And with the Conservatives, you'll be able to pass on up to £1 million per married couple completely tax-free - giving more security to families across the country. (That must be a huge relief, all these people with million pound homes knowing that their poor children won't have to struggle to get a council house, just because daddy had to pay nasty inheritance tax on his mansion.)

This is part of our plan to build a Britain where those who work hard and do the right thing get rewarded for their efforts. (Has it occurred to you that there are millions of people in Britain who work hard, REALLY hard, and don't have enough money to feed their kids never mind leave them a million pound house?)

And today, with more people in work, more people owning homes, more people running businesses, more people doing apprenticeships - we can see that we are getting there. (The view from the windows of Chipping Norton mansions must be very different from how it is everywhere else. How very lucky you are, Dave?)

So let's stick to the plan and see this through. (Well, yes, you have kids to leave all your homes to, so I suppose it's of interest to you and your cabinet of millionaires.)

Thank you. (You may well say that Dave. It is you who stands to benefit.)