According to the Daily Telegraph "Britain" is going to be hotter than Hawaii this week.
Of course that's not true. The South East of England, which is the only part that matters to the Telegraph, is going to be hotter than Hawaii; Scotland will be colder.
As it happens it's not going to be THAT much colder. Scotland's all lumped into one according to the Telegraph so from Lerwick to Peebles it seems we can expect around 24 C. Of course that's rubbish, but no one at the Telegraph gives a stuff about that.
Just like the BBC, in fact. I notice that on their weather forecasts that they go into far more detail about English weather and lump Scotland all in one. The other day they forgot to mention what the temperatures would be in Scotland. Presumably they ran out of time.
And, while we are on it, we seem to have a virtually exclusively English 6 o'clock news programme. We hear all about what the Justice Secretary has said about this, and the Health Secretary has said about that, and of course none of it has the square root of Jack Squat to do with us. The English Justice Secretary could announce the return of hanging, and what does it matter to us... and the English Health Secretary could announce the privatization of the Heath Service... Oh wait, he already did that...
Likewise a murder inquiry in Bristol is headline news, but one in Glasgow doesn't get a mention. We were 15 minutes hearing the outcome of a trial in Bradford the other night. We heard in incredible detail what the detective in charge of the investigation had to say; we heard the father's brave and probably touching statement... but none of it was anything to do with us.
It was local news.
Of course I'm not indifferent to the suffering that was caused by a guy that murdered his girlfriend and then lied about it, but there are horror stories like that from all over the world we could hear. But unless that sort of item is local, it's not really news. before you slate me for that, just think about it. Are you really interested in the details of English murders?
And come on, you really can't be interested in the details of the English cricket team's latest Test match; or how Gloucester has done against Warwickshire and on and on and on....
I know it probably sounds to English readers like I'm just a whining Jock, but you know, I have the choice of whether to pay for and read the Telegraph, but whilst I have the choice to not watch the BBC, I don't have the choice to not PAY for it.
So, no, I'm not a whining Scot. I just want a news programme that deals with Scottish news and Scottish weather, what the Scottish Justice or Health Secretaries have said, and what's been going on in OUR courts, on our roads and on our railways.
And no, I don't mean the comic that follows the BBC News, Reporting Scotland, with their magazine style reporting on Mrs McGinty's cat getting stuck up a tree. I mean a NEWS bulletin.
OK. Moan over. I hope some of the good weather comes our way. We certainly could do with it.
(But I feel really sorry for three sets of neighbours who are in, respectively Malta, Turkey and Spain... I do, really I do... honest... hmmmmm)