NAD GETS MAD AT BIG BAD DAVE

Nadine Dorries has written an article for the Mail on Sunday entitled: "The PM publicly humiliated me in front of the entire nation, [sic] what did I do to deserve that? "

Hmmm... well, Nadine, the dodgy punctuation (which may be the fault of the Mail subs) apart, I doubt the entire nation tunes in to Prime Minister's Question, or indeed to the news. In fact, a fair percentage of the nation doesn't know who David Cameron is, and almost the entire nation hasn't a clue who or what you are.

So I wouldn't worry too much about the humiliation.

Secondly, you must accept that this is the kind of thing that David Cameron and his sort do. They have never really left the Bullingdon and grown up. They are, and will always remain, as drunken rich boys, with daddies to sort everything with their cheque books. George Gideon Osborne and his "wanker" speech is a perfect example of junior common room humour in the wrong place. Your put down, and that of Labour front bencher Angela "calm down dear" Eagle (with Gideon sitting at his side convulsed with laugh

ter) is typical of their boyish humour.

You must also realise this type forms a sizeable minority of your party and a disproportionate number of the Cabinet, and you need to decide for yourself if you really are in the right place.

On the other hand you need to take into consideration that, on a few occasions, you have caused Cameron a fair amount of embarrassment, so it's not all one way traffic.

Your situation vis a vis expenses was far from exemplary. You accused the Telegraph of McCarthyism! You claimed that MPs were threatening suicide and that they were all telephoning each other to check up that each was still alive! You'll remember your blog being taken down by the service providers because the Telegraph was threatening to sue them! Cameron was acutely embarrassed by all that, at a time when he was trying to show a shocked nation that he was a responsible party leader.

Then there was the time you campaigned against a motion at a TUC Conference calling on employers to stop forcing women to wear high heels at work as part of uniforms. You, presumably without reading the motion properly, thought that they were asking for a ban on high heels being allowed... What a twerp you looked.

Then there was your public criticism of the Speaker and your insinuations that he was mentally unstable... I can say Bercow's as mad as a wee March hare, but Mr Cameron's not my boss, and, unless you do it in the Chamber, officially, with the aim of removing him, Nad, you are supposed to show respect for him, no matter how hard that might be.

What else? Oh yes, there was your taking part in the tv programme where you had to see if you could live on state benefits. But you were caught with a £50 note in your bra. Not only did it run counter to the spirit and the point of the programme, it was also incredibly insulting to claimants.

And what about the fuss you made over benefit claimants who Tweet too much? Report them, to the DWP for Tweeting? "You should be out looking under tones for jobs; not tweeting." Next you'll be wanting to report them for spending too much time in the bathroom! Are you sure it's Bercow that's mad?

Of course your marriage is your business and it can't be easy to be married to someone who is suffering from a degenerative disease, but it was hardly good publicity that you left him. Nor was it good publicity that you have been having an affair with one of your married family friends.

Finally, I've seen you arrive for work in the Chamber looking like you were off for afternoon tea, or about to do a days washing. You really could try to smarten up a bit. Mr Cameron always has a smart blue suit on. You could try that.

All in all, you're not a shining example of what Dave is looking for in an MP, are you, Nad?

So, there you have it. You seem to be happy to dish it out, but you're not so good at taking it. I think you'd better toughen up dear.

Or, as I say, consider if you want to be part of the London branch of elderly Bullingdon Boys.