DON'T FRET IAIN, MATEY; WE DIDN'T FORGET YOU...

IDS, wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the ass

Bless him, the vomit-inducing rat Iain Duncan Smith has been strangely absent from these pages for over a week… mainly because we've been laughing our heads off, here at Munguin Towers, over the mad antics of David Cameron’s Valentine Message, followed by what Gideon clearly thought was a kick up the ass, followed by an elderly aristocratic relative of Jim Callaghan telling us that in the event of a yes vote, unless we comply with what Westminster wants, they will turn nasty, and we won’t get independence. Then just when we were all laughed out, good old José Manuel Barroso tells us that it is highly unlikely that Scotland will be accepted into the EU because Spain will block it.

So, with all that going on we stopped counting how many people Mr Duncan Smith had managed to get off the sick by killing them off or causing them to have heart attacks while they were being interviewed by the Atos nurse, and having their benefit stopped for failing to complete the assessment.

But the monster’s name cropped up today in another story. Apparently the UK government is paying strip clubs and massage parlours to take on staff from the dole. Yes, that’s right young unemployed people are being sent by jobcentres to work in the sex industry and the companies employing them are getting government grants.

That is about how much I care about the thousands of you
I have 'freed' from unemployment and ill health

Of course we are assured that the young people who are sent along to act as receptionists, cleaners, admin staff, bar staff, camera operators, etc, are not supposed to be directly involved in the sharp end of the business, but let’s be honest, I've never seen a job description that didn’t say “and any other duties as directed by line management” or words to that effect, included in it. Mr Duncan Smith’s department says that they would not get the subsidy if they were employing topless waitresses, stripogrammers, or cat fighters.

Labour MP Fiona MacTaggart has highlighted the fact that sex industry employers can receive £2,250 under the “youth contract”.

The Huffington Post asked in an FOI request, how much money the taxpayer had subsidised these industries, which may include pornographic filmmaking, strip clubs, massage parlours, etc, but they were unable to answer, saying that they didn’t count that kind of thing.

They did say that they acted to ensure that jobs which took advantage of jobseekers did not appear in jobcentres, however, they apparently missed this one.

Full on sex operative

The pay was a startling £10 an hour. But at least you had a drop down menu to say why you didn’t want to apply for it. I wonder what the options were!

Jobcentre said that this ad shouldn't have gone in, but refused to say whether ads were checked before they went live.

Good to know that in Dave's big society we have the welfare of our young people at heart.

Fortunately people at the DWP are doing their best to bring down costs for taxpayers....well, all except the troughing pigs of ministers.
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Here's a French "sondage" or opinion poll on whether or not you approve of the desire of Scots for independence. It seems the old alliance is holding up well.

THEY ARE EITHER INCOMPETENT, OR THEY ARE LIARS

The government has launched an inquiry after it was forced to admit that jobcentres have been setting targets and league tables to sanction benefit claimants despite assurances to parliament this week that no such targets were being set. 

The employment minister, Mark Hoban,  assured MPs on Tuesday: "There are no league tables in place. We do not set targets for sanctions. I have made that point in previous discussions."

A leaked email, however  shows staff being warned by a manager that they will be disciplined unless they increase the number of claimants referred to a tougher benefit regime.

[Question: Could anyone at the Department of Work and Pensions find their backside, using both hands, in ten minutes, with a map and clues?]

I have worked for the DWP, albeit briefly (thank heavens), and my honest opinion is that probably 'no, they could not'. Any of the original staff who actually did know what they were doing (and there were some) have either moved on, or retired.

I've never worked for such a chaotic shambolic organisation in my life. I've never worked with so many people who really had no clue what they were doing.

This ineptitude appears to reach up to the dizzy heights of the DWP ministerial floor. 

How incredibly embarrassing for Hoban to have given an assurance, and reminded critics that this was not the first time he had been obliged to give this assurance, that no such targets were set, and then for an email to come to light showing that, guess what... he was fibbing.

Just a small part of the email which has been leaked shows what kind of an organisation we are dealing with here. 

"Our district manager is not pleased … because senior managers are under pressure to improve our office output and move up the league he has to apply some pressure downwards." She continues: "Guys, we really need to up the game here. The 5% target is one thing – the fact that we are seeing over 300 people a week and only submitting six of them for possible doubts is simply not quite credible."

and 

"Obviously if I am on a PIP [performance improvement plan] to improve my team's Stricter Benefit Regime referral rate I will not have a choice but to consider implementing PIPs for those individuals who are clearly not delivering SBR within the team."

These people's business are other people's lives. I'm all for sanctions being applied, but not to fit some sort of target to keep the management bonuses afloat.

The email writer says that she is looking for a target of 25 people a week to be sanctioned. To save her bacon.

Some time ago a newspaper, I think it was the Guardian, did a report about how JC+ managers were dealing with the fact that they have targets to get people off benefits, but that in many, if not most, areas there simply weren't any jobs. So, inventive staff had to find other ways of avoiding disciplinary procedures, and to get their claim count down, they had to apply incredibly strict rules, like anyone being late for their appointments would be disallowed for 6 weeks, anyone failing to apply for a suggested job, no matter how unsuitable, would be disallowed... etc.

The DWP denied this too, just like they denied that ATOS had targets...

No wonder they managed to make such a mess of the slave labour programme and had to have the law changed to avoid recompensing unemployed people who prefer to be employees rather than slaves.

SNAPS ON SATURDAY

We are still all in it together though, right?

Yep, all RIGHT in it together... except old Merv, who's not made a habit of being right about anything

"I tell you, my nose grew this long, but I don't think any of the thick Nats noticed...

... because of the body guards who stood in front of me, right through my speech"

Oui, Si, Ja, Sea, Ken, Jes, Hai, Oo, 是, Na'am

Does that mean I'll not be able to blog on Petula Clark any more?

Well, Spock is never wrong. That would be illogical

Quick word of congratulations to David Cameron and Theresa May on the splendid and obviously brilliant idea of having elected police commissioners which went down so well will the English and Welsh public. Bravo guys. And it only cost £100,000,000...