Friday, 25 February 2011

BOVINE NATIONAL ECONOMIC TENDENCIES

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS
CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows... both are mad.

23 comments:

  1. Love it. Mind you, what do Gaddafi cows have?

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  2. Whatever it is, I think Gaddafi has caught it...

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  3. a SNP Corporation

    You have no cows never had any only some stinky mouldy old haggises in the attic.

    When the Scottish people finally demand to see them you say 'The English have stolen them from out of the North sea'


    snp haggis

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  4. Funny that first picture looks like Wendy Alexander giving a lecture.

    A wee birdy tells me she is going to be in this weeks Sunday Mail.

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  5. LOL! I won't lie, I got to Swiss and thought 'where the fu~@ is he going with this?' :)

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  6. Looks like her Billy?... It IS her, isn't it?

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  7. Aye CH, but her mouth is on pages 2 and 4 as well....

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  8. You wondered Dean... how do you think I felt?

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  9. Tris,

    Funny, I'm laughin my ass off. NOT.

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  10. This crap can only be wrote cos of your lot slaightering the economie, as Balls says, there is no deficit problem - its all Torie lies.

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  11. Of the British two one is called Dave and one Nick and between them they have a whole pile of sheep and pigs to run the rest of the farm!


    There is a baldy one in charge at the moment who has some broken clockwork planes to play with!

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  12. Still, one of the British cows will get a state funeral.

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  13. Peter... I almost never delete posts, but I don't want that kind of language on the blog. You can say what you like about the SNP and their policies, and you are welcome to do it here, but do it without the C word.

    If you don’t find my blogs funny or informative, then feel free to ignore them and move on to the next one.

    Your deficit denial is rubbish. Even Ed has admitted that they got it wrong, that there would have to be drastic cuts in public expenditure, just not as much and not as quick.

    I think your Liam Byrne made it pretty clear.

    However, I agree that the Tories are using it as excuse to slash and burn the public services in England. The SNP are, where possible, retaining the kind of services that the English could only dream about....water, students, old people, non nuclear, etc.

    It was your party that brought in a merchant banker to design its social security system on the basis of money not need. It was your party that allowed bankers free reign.

    Don't talk to me about the "Tartan Tories"; you people are "Red Tories".

    If we had independence, you would never live under another Tory government.

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  14. Ha ha... very good Munguin. I guess it's a mushroom farm, and we are the muchrooms.

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  15. LOL, John, yes. I should imagine that Dave would be even less able to resist the demands of the Thatcher family to hold this great event, and bring the racist daughter and the mercenary war funder son with the undeserved title together with the head of state to celebrate the life of the Great Dear Leader.

    I think they should have the funeral in Scotland. After all it’s only fair that her Scottish subjects should have the opportunity to give her a send off fitting the level of esteem in which she is held in this country. It would also handy to have her tombstone in St Giles so that we could have easier access to it.

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  16. That cow is soooo sweet ! lol Stick a red rosette on it and we'll find a safe seat in South lanarkshire for it.

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  17. £4,800,000,000,000 What do you call that then Peter? That is £4.8 trillion the debt that Labour has left the country in bankruptcy with. Don't give us the recession drivel either because that came at the end of their term in government and only accounted for £200,000,000,000 or £200 billion of that total.

    Oh and don't forget that Labour were caught out last week having tried to bully the IMF into lying about Labours shambolic handling of the economy and the huge debt. Plus the fact they were giving the IMF cooked figures to try and make things look better.

    It does not matter what the government cuts or taxes it will not get anywhere near covering the interest on this debt so things are going to continue to get grimmer in the future.

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  18. C word Tris? Did he mention "Conservative"?

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  19. Labour London HQ: I think it's already a sitting member, although it may recently have been Moooved to "another place".

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  20. The place is in the pan Billy... and that's not the frying pan.

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  21. Now Conan, you know if he'd gone that far I'd have banned him.

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