AT LEAST THE LORDS CAN'T STEAL REDUNDANCY MONEY FROM US: THEY'VE GOT THE JOB FOR LIFE!

It’s taken nearly a year for the authorities to accede to the Freedom of Information request, but finally we have the figures to show that every single MP chose to accept their Golden Goodbyes, worth up to £65,000. Even those who had been guilty of theft took the money and ran.

Even the chiselling little bitch like Moran, who you will remember stole tens of thousands of pounds from us getting her boyfriend’s house (not anywhere near either London, or her constituency), done up, got half of what she would otherwise have been due, despite being the subject of a police inquiry.

Moran went into hiding after the affair, claiming that she was suffering from nervous exhaustion. Claiming to be sick, and being paid full wages in good faith, the silly cow got herself caught on camera touting for another job in PR because she had good contacts within the Labour party.

Other greedy fat cats, who had absolutely no need whatsoever of a payout to help them resettle to life again, but none the less got their grasping greedy trotters on our money yet again included: Douglas Hogg, Conservative, who is an Earl and who claimed for cleaning the moat on his castle; Conman Conway, who was thrown out of the Tories after overpaying his sons on his taxpayer-funded allowances to work as a parliamentary researcher, when in fact he had done zip all; Stephen Byers, Geoff Buffon Hoon and Patricia Hewitt, who were nabbed in the same cash for access scandal that Moran the moron was caught out in, all got the top whack as did Des Browne (imagine that... after being as useless as he was) and John Reid.

Then there was Andrew MacKay, who fiddled by registering his MP wife’s second home as his main address, thereby having 2 second homes in the family, and the unlovely David Heathcoat-Amory, who claimed for horse manure on his expenses. I wonder he would want to buy that stuff given the fact he spouts it every time he opens his mouth. All of the above claimed £65,000 on top of the money they are all given (£40,000) to wind up their offices and pay off their staff.

Lib Dem Julia Goldsworthy, who lost her seat at the tender age of 31 after five years after she claimed for a £1,200 rocking chair (she must think very highly of her posterior) and who went straight to work as advisor to Danny Alexander at an amazing £74,000-a-year, claimed her share of resettlement money. Greedy bitch.

The money to close down offices (pay rent till end of lease, give staff a small package, pay electricity, gas, etc) is not unreasonable. Money handed to MPs who wanted to go on but were flung out by their constituents, is perhaps permissible, although anyone else wouldn’t get anything like that kind of pay out. However, those who were standing down voluntarily, some over 70, should have got not a penny. Odious Nick Winterton (leaving because he’d be obliged to travel second class with plebs on trains if he stayed) and his unlovely wife, Anne (renowned for her racist jokes about dead Chinese cockle pickers) would have picked up about £130,000 despite the fact that they are in their dotage and planned to go anyway. (Redundancy payments are not normally made to people over the age of 64.)

It’s just another big fat slap in the face for us “ordinary people”. We hardly notice it; we’re used to being treated like David Heathcoat Amery’s estate...covered in manure...all 550 sacks of it.

JUST WHEN THEY THOUGHT THE STRIKE WOULD FILL THE FRONT PAGES......

It seems that when Mohamed al-Fayed claimed some years ago that you can hire an MP like you can hire a taxi, he was right.

Stephen Byers, along with some names you might expect to be connected with anything dodgy, Pat Hewitt, Geoff Hoon and dear Margaret ‘Dry Rot’ Moran, (I’m going to sue...erm.... or pay the money back).

The investigator, an undercover reporter for the “Sunday Times” and “Despatches”, posed as a company executive looking to hire MPs for lobbying work. Byers, a former minister, allegedly described himself as “like a sort of cab for hire” for up to £5,000 a day (expensive cab!).

Hewitt claimed she was paid £3,000 a day to help a client obtain a key seat on a Government advisory group, while Hoon said that he had contacts that he could use to make money. He too charged £3,000 a day.

Moran, the disgraced Luton MP , surprisingly not in the dock with the other Labour Party MPs boasted of a “girls gang” of colleagues to help clients, including Jacqui ‘the dodgy lodger’ Smith, Hazel ‘this is my cheque’ Blears, and, wait for it, no lesser a person than Harry ‘you know where to find me’ Harman.

Byers allegedly said he had a deal with His Lordship Adonis, on behalf of National Express, which he said wanted to dump the East Coast rail franchise which was making a loss, without having to pay up in penalties. The deal supposedly was that Adonis would criticise National Express publicly but terms would be agreed which favoured the company. The decision to terminate the franchise last year left the taxpayer hundreds of millions of pounds in the red. Thanks Byers! Byers also boasted he could and did use his friendship with Peter Mandelson, along with his ability to get information from Number 10.

It is alleged, although denied by the company, that he lobbied Mandleson on behalf of Tescos to have food labelling regulations altered and they were. Needless to say after the allegations became public Byers said that he had been exaggerating what he could do...... Adonis and National Express also denied the allegations and Mandy had "no recollection" of talking to Byers about the issue. I’ve heard that one before! (He thinks he’s Ronnie Regan .... the hair dye and the astrologer are just around the corner.)

Hewitt claimed that she was offering to do the work only after she left the Commons, although that’s not how it looks to me. Nauseatingly she said: “I am always willing to give advice to companies who have something positive to offer our country,” as she wiped her eye on the corner of her union jack hankie. Pass me the sick bag.

Hoon’s lawyer said his comments had been misrepresented. How exactly you can misrepresent... looking to turn his knowledge and contacts into “something that frankly makes money” , I don't know. It all sounds pretty clear to me.

Of course the ever delightful Moran warbled something about 'hypothetical discussions about the future’ and ‘an attempt to rebuild my life.’ But nobody takes her very seriously any more. (Like the type colour...? It matches her hat.) (It is a hat, isn't it?)

But the allegations are serious, implicating, as they do, people still in ‘power’, and not just the headlined has-beens. Perhaps the most serious is Moran’s allegations that Harman is or was part of her “contacts”.

And they ask why people aren’t interested in politics and don’t vote.... Pfffffffffffffffff.


Pictured: Stephen, trying to ward off the collapse of what was left of his reputation; the lovely Pat and the even lovelier Geoff pictured "together" because, I imagine, of their last venture into the disreputable as a twosome; and finally a big fat orange thing that I thought would look amusing on the page... you know... a joke.

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