CRISIS OVER: TRUST DAVE TO FIND SOLUTIONS THE ETON WAY

BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ETON ONE

Well that’s it folks. It appears that protesting against the policies of the upper classes from Eton is now a punishable offence, in Scotland of all places.

If you dare to voice your opinion against your betters, in this case the Eton Boy, you are likely to cop 100 hours of community service, which is one way, I suppose, of getting the Big Society up and running on the cheap, if there aren't enough unemployed or sick people to do the necessary.

Mr Stuart Rodger hid in a toilet at the Grand Central Hotel in Glasgow and walked into the room as the Big Eton cheesy one was lecturing fellow superior beings. (Dave tends only to speak to people who are vetted as fully paid up members of the Tories, or to companies where employees talk out of turn only if they wish to find themselves new jobs.)  Mr Rodger was then swiftly removed for the august presence Special Branch people. Yes, apparently you and I pay to ensure that Mr Cameron is never challenged, never barracked, never has to find an argument for his inhuman policies.

It is fair to say, however, that Mr Rodger has form. He was previously fined £200 for painting Deputy Prime Pledger, Nick Clegg , in his true colour of blue.

(Murphy must he hopping mad that he didn't get painted blue too. I mean, an egg for heaven’s sake… hardly noticeable.  But for all he is as right wing as Mrs Thatcher, Jim’ll Fix It was born on the wrong side of the tracks and failed to get himself into Eton or Westminster School.  On reflection, given that it took him 9 years of student grants to get through uni,  it’s maybe just as well he didn't go to Oxford! So he only got an egg.)

 

Why is it that these people feel the need
to pretend that they eat ordinary people's food
when they are campaigning?
We know perfectly well that they never eat sausage rolls
and their facial expressions that absolute horror at the taste
(or lack thereof) given them away every time).

Anyway, back to Mr Roger. All he said to Camergoon was: "No ifs, no buts, no public sector cuts", which was obviously far more than the prime moron’s  intellect could cope with and he was left without an spluttering in horror, although I'm not sure if those Eton types understand anything that we say here, so it might have been that he simply didn't understand. Or maybe he was horrified by the fact that an ordinary person had entered his sphere?

In any case, be warned. In future you must learn to treat your betters with the respect they think they deserve, otherwise you may find yourself as an unpaid social worker, making up for the fact that the Tory cuts have all but eradicated the professionals.

Do not challenge the toffs, on any account, even if you use moderate language. The aristocracy is always right. And it’s time the plebs learned their place.

LET THEM EAT... OH, WHATEVER IT IS THAT POOR PEOPLE EAT

The Tories don't know or care about food banks. They don't know the agony of being hungry. Not "just a bit peckish, but heading off for a spot of luncheon at the RAC Club with Lord Fortescue-Fotheringham-Fortescue", kind of hungry that one is after a game of polo, or a round at the Old Course, but the "haven't eaten for 3 days" kind of hungry, where you would take waste food out of a bin.

Not a clue how that feels.

And why should they? That kind of feeling isn't prevalent in prep schools, Eton, Oxford or the Guards.

But they preside over a country in which millions of people aren't getting enough to eat. We all know food bank use has increased dramatically under their period of government, and that the numbers using these modern day "soup kitchens"  has increased by around 50% over the last year, but there are others who are managing to avoid the indignity of these places, by eating less and less, feeling sicker and sicker and building up health problems for the future.

So, little though it is, when the EU, recognising that this is a problem all over the continent, offer to give money to help feed those who are hungry, the Uk government comprised of gentlemen and aristocrats, is the only one in Europe to object.

"It is not", said one Tory, "for the European Union to dictate to member states how to run their welfare systems or how to help the needy". He went on to say that they wouldn't be taking lectures from the EU and that Britain would decide how to distribute help to people who were in need, whether from the government or from charity.

Britain is far too important to accept money to feed the poor. Britain GIVES money to help the poor in other countries (more so that it can comply with the membership requirements of the G8, than any kind of concern for the starving, I would imagine). Britain has a empire. Britannia rules the waves. Long live Queen Victoria...

People using food banks, according to government ministers, are only doing so because free food is free food. (The trouble with their Tories is that they tend to judge everyone by their own standards. They eat in subsidised Westminster restaurants and drink in subsidised bars because they can get something for next to nothing, and they assume that that is how the rest of us are put together as well. 

Skinny Duncan Smith  before free breakfasts

And when the whole social security kit and caboodle is run by a man who charges the taxpayer £37 for his breakfast, you begin to understand that we live in a very divided country.

Podgy Duncan Smith, well fed by the taxpayer

We really need to start treating them the way they treat our poor.

Britain is too proud to accept money from the EU to feed our starving.

Parliament should therefore immediately remove all subsidies from MPs', Lords'  and the Royals' eating and drinking. Surely they are too proud to accept our charity.

Britain is very very very very important

 And the EU should send the money to the TRUSSELL TRUST. The government of the UK isn't very interested in the day to day running of the country, and leaves it mainly to charities, while they get on with the important stuff of looking big and important.

It really makes you want to vomit.
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Munguin and his staff are off to Dublin for the weekend, on a fact finding tour (according to the management) or a booze up (according to the staff). 
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SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING JOHANN? ARE YOU WITH US?

Oh, and would you like to tell us a bit about what has been going on in YOUR area of responsibility? Falkirk. Because, it seems to be stinking, and if you won't tell us the truth, we are bound to assume the worst.

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If you have the time, can I suggest you read this article? 

It appears that in what they now describe as an error, and I would imagine it is, Scotland was, after the 90's referendum on devolution, handed the rights to Antarctica, or the UK's share in it.

As they point out, with the global warming (for whatever reason), Antarctica is melting apace, and something that was once of only scientific interest is now very much of economic interest, so not surprisingly, they want to take it back.

Not unreasonably, the Scottish government is not minded, on the eve of independence, to hand back control of the territory to rUK. After all, it could be a bargaining chip.

Our name's McPingu! And we say McYES to Scotland

Of course, it has to be accepted that the transfer was done in error. (Imagine, the Great British state making that massive an error!), but, let's be honest, if it were the other way round, what would they do?

Of course they have put the reversal into the Scotland Bill, but, of course the Scottish government has to pass the Scotland Bill before it can be forced upon us, as is the case with any legislation involving devolution in the Celtic nations.

I think we should be very careful with this Bill, which gives some very limited tax raising powers (offset by Barnet), to the Scottish Government. No government has ever used the uselessly limited tax raising power it already has

We should be sure that Antarctica is not the only thing they are taking back.

Maybe the penguins should get a referendum?

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Surely only an Eton/Oxford/Bullingdon boy could stand in the Guildhall, resting his speech on a gold lectern, surrounded by chairs, and other fixtures of gold, having partaken of a dinner, the cost of which would keep an UK OAP for a month, and talk to us with a straight face about austerity being the future... and all without the slightest sense of irony. 

**********

The opposition in the London parliament has opted for a debate to be held today, on Welfare Cuts and the Bedroom tax. I applaud them for that. But I note that, suddenly, Mr Duncan Smith has discovered that he has a prior engagement in Paris for a meeting about youth unemployment. Now youth unemployment is a very important subject, and one that is close to my heart.

However, given the almighty cock up that Mr Duncan Smith has made of all his Welfare Reforms and the massive amount of OUR money he has wasted, wouldn't you agree that he should be in parliament to try to defend them, instead of leaving a junior minister to take the can? Surely a conference on youth unemployment could have been attended by one of his staff, or a lowly lords minister?

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Here's a proper socialist, and with a brilliant wit.
He never misses a day at work, because when he was a miner he would have lost money for being absent.
I don't have heroes, but this is a man I respect hugely.

DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO GO TO ETON? ARE YOU TOO POOR TO PAY THE FEES?

HERE'S YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO GET A SCHOLARSHIP

Thanks to an article in The Independent we know the questions  for an Eton scholarship. We pass them to you in utter secrecy...

Please note that you need only do this test if you are poor.

If you are rich parents, you will be able to afford the fees.

Have a go.... just remember that (as Maggie Curren said this morning on 'Good Morning Scotland'), if your child goes to study in England, and Scotland becomes an independent country, he will become a foreigner. Can you live with that?

1.  Twenty-five protesters have been killed by the Army.  You are the Prime Minister.  Explain why employing the Army against violent protesters was the only option available to you and one which was both necessary and moral.

2. Consider the following sentences in Jangli (a made-up language) with their English translation:

Waldan razu - I am a writer; Had waldan razu - I am the writer.  Write down how you express the following in Jangli - the.

3. Applicants read a speech by inspirational teacher Zarathustra to his pupils and are asked what is meant by the following phrase:  "You are my believers: but what do believers matter"?

4. If today is Friday, what is the day that follows the day that comes after the day that precedes the day before yesterday?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address, together with a €250 registration fee. All cheques made payable to Tris!¬

"Political Betting" is one of these rather cliquey blogs on which there is absolutely no point in posting if you don't belong: I don't the latter, so I don't the former.  Their blog is run by some old guy who goes by the name of Mike Smithson. I've kept his title on the blog list because occasionally I like to pop over and read the comments, which always seem to me to be a competition in bitchiness.  Well, that's always good for a laugh, isn't it? Smithson appears, rather like Admin the Numpty at the twee Labour "Hame", to dislike criticism, but where Admin operates a policy of disallowing comments he doesn't like, Smithson simply bars people who make comments which are disagreeable to him. As they now appear to have barred everyone who ever spoke up for the Nationalist cause, I have decided that they no longer serve any purpose on Munguin's Republic, so, I'm taking them off the blog roll, if no one minds.

Poor old Cameron. He goes all the way to the USA, gets a 19 gun salute, gets to ride on the super cool presidential plane Air Force One, and is relegated to the second half of the 6 o'clock news on the BBC by that devastating accident in Switzerland, and the fact that unemployment is up again. Now he's been knocked off the headlines in the Telegraph by the attempt on the life of the American Defence Secretary who was visiting Afghanistan today. And still Cameron makes a speech saying that what our troops are doing in Afghanistan will make the UK safer. We know he is out of touch, but by that much?


Talking of Cameron, does any know if they teach table manners at Eton? I suspect they do. Maybe he just thought he was being one of the guys or something, but when it got round to him on the news, the BBC showed him at  a, no sorry, THE baseball game, which the President was NOT going to miss for anyone, getting "tore in", as we say in Dundee, to some burger, or hot dog, or some other item of American cuisine. I know he has a big mouth but I was wondering just how much more he could cram into it. Wouldn't it be embarrassing for us, I thought, if he choked to death. But all was well, he didn't, so threat of embarrassment over.

Talking about embarrassment, although not for Scotland, ?Sir? Dave Richards (they hand them out to anyone with a few bob these days), chairman of the English Premier League made a cringer of a speech accusing Fifa and Uefa of stealing football from the English... shortly before he fell into a pond, at a gala dinner in Doha. Well, there's always one, isn't there? 


The joy with which employment ministers met the 'slowing of the increase in the upward rate of unemployment', was perhaps a little over optimistic. They expressed themselves sure that this was sign that the UK had turned a corner: George Osborne's policies were after all working. (Yeah right, and I'm Harry Potter.) They were positively gleeful that public sector redundancies, at 37,000, were more than matched by private sector jobs created at 45,000 in the last three months of 2011. But only a few hours later, I read that, in the same period, the number of people working part time, because they couldn't find full time work rose by a massive 110,000. It may be marginally better than being unemployed, but if you need a full time job, only having a part time one (sometimes with no guaranteed hours) is plain miserable.  No things aren't getting any better, but at least ministers can make the figures look that way, if they feel like it.

IT SEEMS WE SHOULD BREED FROM BETTER STOCK

I’d have a lot more time for the Tory foot in mouth approach, which is “only good humoured joshing” according to their supporters, if they were a little more adept at taking what they are happy to hand out.

But the sensitivity when they are portrayed as a bunch of chinless wonders who went straight from Eton up to Oxford and from there into a safe seat in the shires knows no bounds. ‘That doesn’t mean anything’, say Tory supporters. ‘Just because they are rich it doesn’t mean that they don’t understand the plight of the poor; just because they went to Eton it doesn’t mean they don’t understand what it is like to be at an inner city comprehensive’. But they can’t half dish it out.

I mean, I don’t hold with all this political correctness myself. I have no problem with the Prime Minister calling the Speaker a dwarf, as he apparently did for a cheap laugh, according to David Hughes (of the Telegraph). As a Scot I am not insulted in the least when as part of his speech he mocks Danny Alexander, his Chief Secretary for wearing a skirt. I frankly don’t give a thought to the fact that in discussing Ian Gilmour’s career his summation is “shit happens” (certainly does).

I’m not bothered that one of his rather dubious new appointees to the House of Endless Treasure has shown what he thinks about poor people “breeding”. After all, I doubt very much if there are a large number of people anywhere who give a stuff what Howard Flight thinks about anything at all, much less anything to do with breeding!! Even Michael Howard took steps to stop him from standing as an MP. And if Old Young (ha ha, I actually didn’t mean that) thinks that we’ve all had a great recession and doesn’t think that 500,000 redundancies adds up to a hill of beans, fine. Again, he’s just not important enough to bother much about. (Isn’t it lucky for him, though, that his resigning in disgrace means that he can still collect three hundred and odd quid a day, but this time for doing sod all!!?)

But they really have to accept that if they can say insensitive things about people, so can we lesser beings about them.

So wise up you bunch of toffee nosed posh Bullingdon boys and learn to take it like men... of course I said that with love, and I mean it in the nicest possible way.

Perhaps in the interests of fairness and balance it would be an apt time to point out that even the uber politically correct Harwoman thought herself above the rules when she called poor old Danny (he gets it from both sides... OK that’s enough!) a ginger rodent.

Politically incorrect pics: (1) Dave. I can see why he has his own photographer with his soft focus, and touch up facilities. He looks a bit rough and wrinkly and is that grey hair I see after only 6 months? (2) Howard is another one who could do with a face lift, now he’s got £300 a day coming in maybe he’ll at least get some botox. Too much breeding perhaps? (3) What untidy handwriting Howard. You’ll need to smarten up now you’re..bwa ha ha ...aristocracy... and thus must have (wait for it) BREEDING. (4) Ging: OK, I know it’s not a rodent. It was the best I could do. Wonder what he looks like in a skirt. (5) Well I’d say that Harry was looking drunk as a puggie here, but she’s only a girl and would probably cry.

In keeping with accepted political practice I now unreservedly apologise for any hurt I caused and withdraw my remarks completely.