THE THINGS PEOPLE PUT ON T-SHIRTS

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound as they go flying by.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here.

I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted a pay check.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals, on the other hand, built the Titanic.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.