HAVE YOU SEEN THE LITTLE PIGGIES?

Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives;
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives,
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

(Lennon, McCartney)

ACCORDING TO a report in The Times, The Crown Prosecution Service said that it would announce tomorrow possible criminal charges against several MPs and Lords.

Today we were told exactly how much MPs have been ordered to repay in “misclaimed” expenses. It emerged that MORE THAN HALF OF OUR MPs, including the leaders of the three main political parties, had broken the rules.

364 MPs have been ordered to pay back £1.12 million, claimed between April 2004 and March 2009.

Barbara Follett, a junior English minister, owed the largest amount, over £44,000 for mobile private security patrols outside her home and insurance for her art collection. Who on earth does this idiot woman think she is?

Anthony Steen, who responded to criticism of his £87,000 claims on his estate with the now infamous lines: "I think I have behaved impeccably. You know what it's about? Jealousy. I have got a very, very large house", has had to repay £11,211.75, including a £28.50 for a flagpole. Now how could he do his job without a flagpole?

Douglas Hogg, who claimed for cleaning his moat, has also lost his appeal and repaid in full the £20,639.42 that Thomas Legg judged him to owe. I hope he doesn’t do anything silly like jump in his moat. He’d only need to get it cleaned again.

Iris Robinson, the granny we all love to hate, had to repay £544.90 towards the cost of a new bed, as mentioned earlier on this blog by Anon. Teenage boys can be so boisterous, don’t you think Iris dear?

Oddly Keith Vaz, who was claiming more than £75,500 in expenses for a flat in Westminster even though his £1.15 million family home is only 12 miles from parliament, has repaid £18,949.82, more than twelve times the £1,514 he owed.

Details have been also been published concerning the hire of banqueting rooms in the Palace of Westminster. Among them, Patricia Hewitt is shown to have hosted several dinners for health companies. She has become a special consultant to Boots and to Cinven since being sacked as Health Secretary. Hewitt, I can barely say your name without wanting to vomit.

Around 13 sitting MPs are still waiting for their appeals against Legg’s verdict to be heard including Liam Fox, the Shadow Defence Secretary, who over-claimed £24,878.27. Fox's position in the Shadow Cabinet may be in doubt if Paul Kennedy (the appeals judge) rules that he is liable to pay.

Gordon Brown was ordered to repay £12,888 for cleaning. How dirty can you be to need that much cleaning? Bernard Jenkin, who had to repay £63,000 for renting a home from his brother's wife had his claim reduced to £36,909.17. Keep it in the family Bernard.

Thomas Legg, who wrote the report into expenses, condemned the Commons authorities who refused to reform the expenses system, the MPs who used their influence and superior position to browbeat low-paid Commons officials into allowing excessive claims and the officials themselves who failed to enforce proper standards. Personally I think that was a bit unfair on the lowly paid officials, who had apes like Michael Martin roaring at them.

Politicians wonder why there is little interest in politics when they behave like this. Just how thick are they?