Tuesday, 29 December 2015

JUST FOR A LAUGH

A: I have the perfect son. 

B: Does he smoke? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: Does he drink whisky? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: Does he ever come home late? 

A: No, he doesn’t. 

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.


Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"


Three Aussie blokes, Mongrel, Coot, and Bluey are working up on an outback mobile phone tower; as they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower, and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says,'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'

'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead, and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She answered, 'You must be mistaken... I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are...'

18 comments:

  1. Made me laugh, specially the case of beer.

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    1. Yep... I've often wondered how I would break that kind of news... Now I know!!

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  2. made me laugh too, particularly liked the disabled frogs! Just don't let IDS anywhere near them.

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    1. Yeah, I love it. I get to swear on Munguin's Republic (Munguin doesn't speak much French).

      I wouldn't let IDS near anything that was alive!!! Well maybe a rattlesnake or boa constrictor !!

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    2. I tried frogs legs when I was in France, I'd rather have a fish supper. I tried horse too,it was lovely; very lean.

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    3. I don't like frogs legs either. Sickly sweet meat.

      I once had horse in Romania. I know some people will criticise that, but if you can eat a little lamb, or a little pig, you can eat a horse!

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    4. Couldn't agree more.
      I've eaten a lot of different "foods", crocodile, insects, kangaroo and a huge range of weird and wonderful fish.
      I'm a reformed vegetarian, making up for lost flavours.
      I have to say, though, horse is by far my favourite; so far.

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    5. I've not had frog's legs, crocs, insects or horse I'm glad to say. One of the German supermarkets had kangaroo in but I didn't try it.

      Also my French is tres rusty so hadn't realised Tris had sworn. Bad Tris :-)

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    6. I saw that Kangaroo, but I didn't much fancy it. I should have I guess, but I'd probably have made a mess of cooking it.

      Connard is a rather rude word... well translated it is, but they don't have much problem with it.

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    7. I thoroughly recommend kangaroo, it is quite gamey, lean and low in saturated fat.

      I've met a few connards, never used that term on them though.

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    8. Ah, I might have been right then, Jim. I don't like game at all.

      I've used it or something like it a few times. It's not considered incredibly rude in France. Calling a spade a spade is more normal there.

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    9. Never tried frog's legs or snails. Have eaten the odd fly when cycling by accident.


      zog

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    10. Snails are agreeable... although really you only taste the garlic sauce...

      Escargot, or Collimacons!

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  3. Tris

    The wankers that are the Tories could not give a shit. The poor in the North vote Labour and the poor in Scotland vote for the filth so the Westminster fairy land that makes up this government won't give a shit. They will find a couple of million for homeowners and call it help and the small businesses, you know the ones that actually create the jobs, will get nothing but a huge insurance bill. If it were a palace it would have been re-built about 10 minutes after it happened, the Tories are the scum of the earth and while I have sympathy for people effected by the floods many of them will have voted Tory this year (as I heard one say on the news) and will now have learned the hard way what voters in Scotland have known since the 80's, this party would not piss on you if you were on fire. I hate them.

    The really sad part is that there is more to come from these wankers, I don't believe for one minute the economy is picking up in any shape or form, there is a huge slight of hand going on and when the news eventually breaks then hopefully some people will see these people for what they are, hopefully it won't be too late but the thought of another four and half years of Cameron gives me the skits.

    Bruce

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    1. Certainly agree that the economy is definitely NOT on the mend. It's getting worse and people are getting angrier and angrier.

      And they keep rubbing our faces in it.

      Lynton Crosby????

      Barbara Windsor????

      Of course if you pay the Tories enough money or support them vigorously and loudly, you are made.

      I keep wondering how long the Brits will take this shit before they kick off...

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  4. Oh God.
    I've often longed to batter into sensibility vegans.
    Those ones who think those wee lambs and calves will still exist when farmers are planting soya on the meadows that they used to graze on...

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    1. You just calm down...

      :)

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  5. OK, this article has asked for it.... and by the way I am stone cold sober.

    I have a stepladder in the kitchen. I never knew my real ladder.

    I assassinated a camel. I bumped it off.

    The light went out. It didn't say where.......

    zog

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