Sunday, 12 December 2010


I looked back over the last few posts and realized that they were singularly depressing. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a reflection of how things are in the UK right now.

But having promised Monty that I would look for something a bit more cheerful, I was searching around through the tabloids. I went through the NOTW, Record and Star (I reckoned the broadsheets would be too serious) but apart from Jordan looking like a ridiculous old string bag in a lacy pink thing more suitable for a girl 1/2 of her age (her real age, not the 31 she seems to have been for the last decade or so), there was nothing.

No, I lie, I had a real laugh at William’s moan in the NOTW that he was “furious at being made to smooze (I presume that means creep) with two faced FIFA officials”, which I thought was hilarious seeing as we are all obliged to “smooze” with him and his family. Oh dear, the thought of that has just caused a wave of nausea.

Apart from that there was X Factor related material. Apparently there has been a SHOCK exit of Cher (whom I thought was a 70 something year old American singer with a face lift that involves her knees being around where her bosoms used to be, but no, once again I’m wrong). Anywho this new Cher (you’d think she could have found another name; it’s very confusing) has been snubbed by someone called Cheryl. So that was interesting wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? ...Oh OK.

I was surprised not to see Brucie on the front page ... I heard Ann Widdecombe got ditched from his sad. But Peter André managed appear with yet another girl friend to make Jordan jealous, or is it the cage fighter that dresses up with women’s clothes... Another confusion. It’s really much more intellect sapping than The Spectator.

I did eventually find a happy story, however, in the Gibraltar Chronicle. It concerns a young lad called Carl Figueras who has had to have a liver transplant. He was apparently surprised last Wednesday when a ‘wish of a lifetime’ came true and he got to go to the Santiago Bernabéu stadium in Madrid to see Real Madrid play against Valencia.

Young Carl got to meet players from both teams including Ronaldo from Real Madrid (see pic) and his favourite player Casillas (goalkeeper). That’s odd; goalkeepers aren’t usually “favourites”... Oh well, another puzzle for me to worry about.

The visit was sponsored by Gibraltar charity, Wobbles. I love it when a kid, who should never have to go through anything like a liver transplant, has something really wonderful happen to them. Wobbles sound like a great charity.

I hope Carl continues to make a recovery and can soon go back to Madrid to see his team... hey, maybe even have a kick around with Ronaldo, and see if he can get one past Casillas...?

Right I think that that is a good news story. It’s a pity I had to go to Gibraltar to find it.

Pics: (1) Jordan. With smoothed out the wrinkles and a pink string bag. Looks dead natural too, don't it just? Apparently, at least according to the NOTW, that is sexy. Oh well, "à chacun son goût" as they say in Monaco. (2) Two normal young lads out or a stroll together. (3) Gibraltar: Funny wee place. I flew over on a day trip from Morocco once. Tiny, lots of apes and really funny money. (4) The happy lad Carl with enjoying his day. I hope you Google your name Carl and find this. Get well soon matey!


  1. Bowler hats and brollies are "required" for off duty officers in London.

    Yes, this *is* the 21st century...

  2. What is wrong with some flash headgear Conan? lol ... means I can *finally* have an excuse to pull out the old homburg ;)

  3. I knew that Conan. I was just trying to find out if YOU did.

    Nice story about the lad though, isn't it?

  4. Dean, I bet you knock the women wild in Stirling with you homburg, eh. What's the success rate? Mind you, once you get them back to your room that full size poster of Annabel on the wall might put them off a bit...? :)

  5. Advertising Trumps golf course now,tut!
    What no briefcases standards are slipping.

    On a more positive note.

  6. I thought that was a positive note CH. Well, it was positive for me!

    I see that they have issued some pictures of the prince with his tie off. No wonder we are going to hell in a handcart.

    Next thing is he will be seen in jeans.....

  7. Looking through the news, nothing really happy. I see idiots that don't grasp things declaring a 'cyberwar,' something that very much offends me considering I used to run in the same groups with much less stupidity in the old days, and apparently Camilla was 'poked with a stick,' which at least gave me a snortlaugh...

  8. Tris

    If you are looking for a good news story try this for size.

  9. A very Happy story(in the end)

    Once upon a time the Evil snp Nationalists Trolls seized power while the Good Labour Fairys where distracted by the War in far away lands.

    When the nasty snp formed a minority council of man eating Trolls and like minded bad folks they
    used dark wizardry and ancient spells from the distant past to trick the weak minded into supporting them.

    Many of the Chief Labour wizards at Holyrood where destroyed by the evil incantations of the blood drinking Nationalists.........

    all appeared to be lost

    Until the horriblest meanest nastiest Troll King Alex Salmond used an old Irish hex and summoned the power of the 'ARC OF PROSPERITY' To finally dash down the true Laqbourleaders of the scottish peoples.

    But the Troll king Alex was not wise in Irish wizadry and the spell failed dismally at the same time a new king arose from the Labour Party...

    And Iain Gray using the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of Scottish fair play
    slew the troll king Alex and threw all the other snp trolls into the north sea..

    and the sun shone and happiness reigned for many a year in Scotland...

    and the tales of the snp Nationalist coming to get you were only ever used to frighten children if they would not go to bed.

  10. A stick you say Laz... A long one I trust.

  11. Brilliant story Dubs... that was the one Cynical linked to.

    I must have missed it when I was looking, having been stunned somewhat by the pinkness of Jordan's erm outfit... or out-not-quite-fit!

    Seriously it is good news. I think the UK is in such a mess that people are beginning to think that this is a way out of it. And if we make mistakes at least they will be our mistakes, not London mistakes.

  12. What a lovely Christmas story Niko... I suspect you and JK must be mates. There's an air of Harry Potter about it.

    I hope you've not given away her new plot...?

    Alex Salmond to be played by Dan Radcliffe?

    But seriously I did wonder what had happened to the Labour fairies (I'd heard rumours about that you know, Ffoukes in particular). The chief fairy has had me very worried of late. Very red in the face!!

    It's a very frightening story. Particularly the bit bout the North Sea, which is fearsome cold even in May.

    Speed bonny boat, like a bird on the wing;
    Over the sea to the Bahamas. for some?

    But alas, I think you are back, after last night's sudden brilliance, to living in la la land... with Elmer Fudd and havering gibberish...


    PS... did you see that article that Dubs and Cynical linked to?

  13. Tris

    a TNS Poll(he he he)how the mighty snp have fallen grasping at straws, looking on the bright side etc etc

  14. Well, we wouldn't be grasping at Jack Straw, at least that's for certain... Niko..

    I'm sure we have you thinking about how much better off you'd be with Alex running the country than whatsiname... Come over to the bright side, leave these dark and daft days behind you Niko... Vote for Scotland.


    Oh go on....

  15. Ah, the Labour fairy is doing voluntary work and keeping off the coke.

    Though he probably is still on the cock.

  16. Tris,

    It is a large Harold MacMillan poster actually! ;) I wish I were joking - but no ... lol

  17. OK Dean. Each to his own....I guess ;)

  18. Why would he want to drink Coca Cola Conan? It's ghastly stuff!

  19. It didn't use to be it cleaned pennies like new, pass the asprins.

  20. A question: What name would a student use when naming 'Camilla' or 'Duchess of Cornwall' mmm.

    Video of Prince Charles's car bottled in London's protests

  21. Eeeek CH... If it does that to pennies....

  22. Very respectful students. I wnder if they were bowing when they were poking her with a stick.

    Still I see that Kinky Boots is going to let the police use Water Cannon on teh streets of london. I assume this is some sort of kinkiness that Tessy is going to enjoy with her wellies and mackintosh...

    ...I assume that the authorty for that kind of nonsense in Scotland will lie with Kenny Mc, an altogether more sensible person.