For a nausea inducing few minutes of "we're just ordinary people" you'd go a long way to beat the right honourable Justine (the only pretty one in the cabinet) having a "good old walk up to cabinet".
And if that doesn't do it for you, a bit later there's the jolly old right honourable Francis the minister for creating crises, and this time he's dusting off the jolly old bike and pumping some air into the jolly old tyres and getting his chauffeur to pick him up, no sorry... he gets a bit out of puff, ho ho ho, but it's jolly good for the old circulation, what!
So what is the purpose of all this carry on, I hear you ask... Well, I don't but I'll tell you anyway...
Well, you see, the muppets who are supposedly organising the London Olympics, in addition to: * not considering the need for security in the whole of the last 8 years since they were lumbered with, I mean of course, since they took to London the honour of hosting the Olympics and beat the Frogs; * not considering that Heathrow couldn't cope with the inevitable influx of passengers;
also took until now...about 6 weeks before the whole thing kicks off..to remember that some people don't have chauffeured cars to get them around and that London's public transport, which was falling to pieces 20 years ago, still has had almost nothing done to it.
So the jolly old wheeze is that they are asking Londoners to get up early, go to work in the middle of the night to avoid the rush hour when the roads and trains will be needed for the Olympics.
Alternatively they want Londoners to work from home (difficult when you flip burgers for a living, but they probably didn't think about that). And, failing that, they want people to walk to work, or cycle... or swim up the river, or any other means of travel, as long as they don't block the metro and the buses and show the world what a chaotic mess they have made of the whole thing.
But Londoners, have no fear, you are not alone...you are all in it together, and, just to prove it, your betters are showing an example. If these important and highly bred people can walk or cycle, or turn up at 6.30 in the morning, then so surely can you. It's for London, for England and St George...and the Queen!
Pfffffffffffffffff!
Oh, and the bloke at the end, yeah the one with the... erm...uh, 'interesting, and somewhat daring'... orange tie... yeah you...if you're reading this, it's a good idea, just before you go on camera, to make sure that you brush the dandruff off your suit.
You see, you'll find that once people notice that you have dandruff on your jacket, they lose interest in what you are saying and concentrate on 'les petites
pellicules'. Specially when you're terminally boring.
Because the transport system in London is at breaking point anyway, without the additional 3 million journeys a day anticipated to be made by the 800,000 spectators and 55,000 competitors and officials and VIPs, the Olympics minister, Hugh Something or Other, and the English Department of Transport have decreed that Londoners should try to... "think creatively and adjust travelling patterns, try different routes, stagger journey times, work remotely, walk or cycle to work" during next summer to avoid hold-ups during the Olympics.
Erm, it's just a thought, but, when they were bidding for this expensive extravaganza, did no one in London, like maybe Mayor Ken Livingston, or in the Westminster government, maybe Minister Tessa Jowell, or in the Olympics organisation like the head blokey, Coe, ever give a thought to the fact that there were people in London who had to get to work, school, to airports, to railway stations.... Did it never occur to anyone at all that the transport system just couldn't cope?
And what half wit came up with this advice;
to "try alternative routes"? If you've been going to work at a certain place for a fair amount of time, the likelihood is that you have already worked out the best route for you. Why would you change it;
to "stagger journey times"? So, how would that work if you're a shop worker, or a doctor, or policeman, a teacher, a train driver, or indeed most employed in the majority of jobs?
to "work remotely"? Yeah that will work with a lot of jobs, won't it? "I'd like two coffees and a rock bun, please"..."Well could you pop out to Epping. That's where the waitress is."
to "walk or cycle to work"? What if it's raining? What if you have bad feet or have to spend all day walking about? In any case, are there THAT many people that live so close to central London that they could reasonably walk?
I see that there is to be a trial for civil servants working from home to see if all the computers and networks are in place. I wonder how much that is costing us, and what budget it is coming out of? And what do we do if we want to speak to a member of staff in one of the Whitehall Departments? Phone them at home?
Not only that, but it's the first of three trials which is to take place before the actual event! What are they planning for? Nuclear war?
Another complete foul up in a fouled up set of arrangements for a fouled up games, after which I have no doubt Jowell will go to the House of Lords and Coe will...well, what can we do with him..? Make him Queen?
*****
Talking of Olympics and Fiasco, have you ever heard of anything as completely daft as this? Isn't a rather weird thing to do to take a baby to an event where you can't guarantee, for example not to be in a draft, or direct sunlight, where there maybe a lot of noise, or where absolute silence may have to be observed? But if people insist on doing it, surely they can't be expected to pay for a seat for someone who is going to sleep on their knee throughout.
Alternatively they want Londoners to work from home (difficult when you flip burgers for a living, but they probably didn't think about that). And, failing that, they want people to walk to work, or cycle... or swim up the river, or any other means of travel, as long as they don't block the metro and the buses and show the world what a chaotic mess they have made of the whole thing.
