Cameron's new slogan is about a country living within its means. What could go wrong?

I mean, what could possibly go wrong with a nice sensible slogan that suggests the country should live within its means....? 

Well Murphy's law states that what CAN go wrong WILL go wrong (OK, we know, but that's a laugh for another day) and after Die Straße in Deutschland, you'd have though that someone with the most expensive qualifications money can buy, in England, would have thought twice before spouting off... after all something might go wrong...

Like this, for a start. I mean, no one expects Mrs Mountbatten to get take visitors to McDonald's, or get the Co-op in to do something like Auntie Jessie's funeral tea, but come on, Liz, for a country with £1,500,000,000,000 of debt, this could hardly be said to be living within our means. 

Canapés and a glass of Asti Spumanti from Tesco at £32 a case is enough, surely, to stop them getting dehydrated.

Then there's this little beauty of a £13 million ski lodge being bought for Airmiles Andrew, perhaps in the hopes that he'll spend a little less time with teenage girls. No one knows how Billy Bunter and his ex wife could afford the money, given that she is permanently broke and pimping herself (or him) for cash, and he hasn't any money of his own, given that he spends everything he gets and has to get his mates to bail out the ex!

So the assumption has to be that his mother is forking out for it... and where does she get her money, remind me?

We should never forget that we are still punching well above our weight militarily. You'll remember how proud of that Cameron was when he came to Scotland to tell us that we wouldn't be able to afford to do that if we were independent. Assuming presumably that we'd all turned into public school oinks with an Empire fixation and would therefore want to!

We need to take into consideration too the replacement of the Nuclear Weapons that Blair admitted were only for show and prestige. That's £100,000,000,000 and counting. Heaven forbid we would lose any prestige. I simply couldn't stand the embarrassment, darling!

Of course we could also make a small saving here and there on Mr Pickles travelling expenses. His expenditure on private hire of cars has mounted to £500,000 in the last three years. What the hell has he been doing? Taking a world tour? 

It seems Mr Pickles doesn't like public transport. Or maybe it doesn't like him!

Still, the comforting news for Mr Cameron at least is that the English Health Service is cutting the number of cancer drugs that will be available to the public. That should put us back on the straight and narrow. It's pretty rotten news for English cancer patients but that's unlikely to concern that government much.

I'm sure too, that Her Majesty will ensure that we don't waste any precious money paying the fines of errant, elderly, overweight, playboys who enjoy over active sexual appetites.

SNAPS ON SUNDAY... THE LOVELY LOVELY TORY PARTY

Eat too much, tubby?
Feeling bilious?
Shame. Now you know how we feel when we see you.

Apparently Baldermort hates this reminder of the day
someone handed him his backside on live tv. So I like to repeat it
from time to time.

I know politicians tell lies. It's part of the job description.
But you do have to ask if he's ever told the truth in
his entire life. Anyone got an example?

As you can see he doesn't even do the tipping himself.
The bloke in this pic is slim and has hair.

I see IDS hasn't capped this benefit claimant!

Pucker up.... Ewwww
I wish I hadn't said that.

Doesn't he look like a Vampire?
Has anyone seen him in daylight?

Simple reason for this.
He's a lazy, self important bastard!

Better Together in incompetence

Poor? Ill? Unemployed? Old?
Young? Not titled? Got no donation money ready?
Well... you might as well die then.

I see most of them couldn't be bothered showing up.
Or were lying drunk somewhere on subsidised booze.
Or too busy filling in their expenses.

Well, he's not going to recommend handing that
 one over to the Scottish government, is he?

David Cameron has said 'Conspiracy theorists' will have 
to look elsewhere. No cover up at No.10

Gideonomics...

SNAPS ON SUNDAY

Too busy, too posh, too thick? Nah, just too hated
Send Flipper instead.
Never mind the fact that we have a Secretary of State
who is supposed to be Scotland's man in the Cabinet.
Get the bloke who is an opposition backbencher in to do it.
That way when if all goes belly up, it's not our fault.

Chicken Dave: What was it he said, something about doing
everything that was in his power to keep Scotland in the union?
Did he mention any exceptions?

Absolutely, you don't. Not a bloody word you big posh girls' blouse.

Yellow Dave. Apparently Tories are to get free transport in Manchester this week.
Welfare state for rich Tories

Have you caught it yet?

Brilliant wee lad at the rally

The Ugly Face of Westminster

The Uglier Face of Westminster

Bloody Hell. Apologies in advance to John Brownlie

Free Transport for Brown too

This one is for Deano

Welfare state when it's not about Tories getting free transport

And then, just for a laugh:

True....

No wifi here, speak to each other! (For the Urchin)

Such an important part of the democracy...yeah right

There had to be one attractive image in the photos

And last, and absolutely least, here's Mr Pointless.
(Even if it should be North British Governors General)

WHO NEEDS SATIRE ANY MORE...?

...THIS LOT ARE INFINITELY FUNNIER

You couldn't really make it up, could you?

Now try this...

Last autumn, the the Revenue said that more than 1.1 million people who will lose the right to claim child benefit from Monday January 7, would receive letters warning them that they must either opt out or start repaying the benefit in the form of higher tax. HMRC has now admitted that only 784,000 people have been written to and therefore more than 300,000 claimants may be unaware of the requirement. 

Way to run a country, Dave. First prize for amateurism.

POLL TAX TWO? PICKLE'S PICKLE OF BOTHER: OR... JUST HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE?

I'd like to hear your views on the impending catastrophe which Eric Pickles is brewing up. It's reckoned to be a second poll tax fiasco. It will start next April and then the country will start to fall apart as people who can no longer afford to live in certain areas will either up and leave, or take up residence in the streets, crowd in to live with friends and relatives 3, 4 5 to a bed, give up their part time badly paid jobs. And the situation won't look that different to how the poor lived 100 years ago.


It has to do with Council Tax Relief.


Firstly it is important to understand some facts about Council Tax Relief:


1. It is for the poorest people only. it is means tested and graduated.
2. 5.9 million households throughout the UK receive it to some degree.
3. Half the recipients are pensioners on very low incomes (state pension and not much else).
4. The majority of the non-pensioner recipients are in very low paid work (not as you might think, benefits).
5. It is funded by the DWP, but paid by local councils.


Here's how it will (or rather won't) work.


1. Each council area will receive the amount they got before, minus 10%.
2. They must ensure that pensioners do not get less than they got before.
3. They must ensure that "vulnerable" people do not get less than they got before.
4. There is no standard definition for "vulnerable".
5. What is left can be shared by the people who are working (or on the dole).


Now, it seems to me that if you have the same number of people after April as you did before April, and you have 10% less funding, but around 50% of your claimants fall into categories which must have their benefit preserved, the people who do NOT have their benefit preserved will have it reduced by 20%.


If you are unlucky to live in an area with a high population of elderly poor, then it may be more of a reduction, 30% or more. It is reckoned, for example, that people in Haringey in London will lose on average £38 a week.


OK, remember what we said. Most of them are low paid workers. Cleaners, shop workers who are only getting part time work and are forced to take that by the job centre. If they lose £20, £30, £40 a week, how the hell are they going to get to work and feed their kids and  keep them warm?


What will happen if a factory closes in an area throwing 400 people onto the dole. Will everyone who is not old nor vulnerable lose even more money as the pot has further to go round.


If new disabled or old people move into the area will the non aged or non-vulnerable have to take a drop. And what if a load of old folk die... will everyone get a rise?


Is this seriously a good idea, or is it another of these things that Pickles worked out on back of a pâté de fois gras box while tippling from the cheap champagne his government department canteen sold until last week?


Will this not do exactly the opposite of what Iain Duncan Smith wanted?


Will it not make it too expensive to take work?


And what of all the cleaners and canteen assistants, like the ones who work for minimum wage in the Royal palace of Westminster? Will they be able to afford to continue coming to work, or will Mr Pickles have to wash his own dishes and clean his own office?

The Bill is being taken through a committee in the Lords at the moment, until very recently by Earl Atlee, who appears not to have inherited any of his grandfather's intelligence. He got in a bit of a mes with it and had to be removed after he said that they needed to save the money to pay for the English railways, when Justine Greening has said that the fares would have to go up to pay for that... Sheesh...


As I understand it, in a move typical of the Scottish government, not welcomed with as much enthusiasm as I would have expected by dour faced Ms Lamont, Mr Swinney has been able to find enough money in his limited budget to ensure that this will not affect Scottish council tax claimants for the first year.


Once again social democracy in Scotland; misery for millions in England.


******************
You may be interested in this demonstration, highlighted by Cynical Highlander just as the last post was being superseded.


https://www.facebook.com/demonstrateagainst

DANNY DANNY DANNY, OUT OUT OUT, AS THEY SAY IN INVERNESS, NAIRN, BADENOCH AND STRATHSPEY

What on earth was Danny Alexander thinking about when he agreed that the head of the Student Loan Company could avoid tax?


Indeed who did he think he was agreeing to this arrangement? Dave Santa Hartnell?


And when one member of the Cabinet (Pickles) is horrified that some people for example those running English councils are paid more than the prime minister (well, more excluding the country estate and desirable town residence, with generous expenses available to spend on both of them, of course. Not to mention a wide range of free transport from Queen's Flight to chauffeur driven cars, personal photographers, image consultants and staff for the wife), why is another member of the same Cabinet agreeing to a man who only has a little loan company to run, having a bigger salary than His Prime Sinisterness?


Ed Lester, for that is the bloke involved, managed to get himself a deal from Alexander that meant he could avoid around £40,000 a year by paying tax at 21% instead of up to 50%, and avoiding National Insurance altogether by being paid through his own private company. 


Isn't this a little embarrassing for a government that promised that as well as making life hell on earth for the poor in the UK, they would also be coming down hard on the tax avoiders and evaders?


This deal has now been rescinded and Lester is back in the land of the rest of us, paying tax and NI, but how many others are there getting away with diddling us on a government minister's say so? 


Needless to say, no one knows.


*******


I'm not sure that this can be true, but I just read it on Facebook. If it is, I would have to wonder if Mr McArthur is the full shilling, as my Granny would say:


SCOTTISH PARLIMENT MOTION
Date of Lodging: 02 February 2012
Short Title: Hands off Groundskeeper Willie
S4M-01921 Liam McArthur () (Scottish Liberaldemocrats): 


That the Parliament notes that it has been confirmed that Groundskeeper Willie of The Simpsons fame hails from Kirkwall, Orkney; understands that the revelation is made in an episode entitled The Daughter Also Rises, to be broadcast in America on 12 February 2012, where Willie confides in Bart that his father was a ‘doonie’ and his mother was an ‘uppie’, in reference to the two teams in the world-famous ‘Ba game’; understands how the tension created by this modern day version of Capulets and Montagues tore his family apart but welcomes the fact that the long-running debate over Willie’s heritage is now at an end, and calls on Glasgow City Council to renounce its claim to Orkney’s Groundskeeper Willie as a son of that fair city.

WASTEminster strikes again

Ha ha ha...


... Mr Pickles, the man who spends his life berating English councils for wasting taxpayers' money, has paid his own finance officer £580,000 for 16 months' work. That's around £432,000 a year.

When questioned by MPs about the generous wage, the permanent secretary of Mr Pickles' department, Bob Kerslake, said that he agreed that it was a lot of money, but that the consequences of not having the finances of the department run in a sound way would have been more expensive.


I take that to mean the the English Communities Department thinks that in order to run accounts in a sound way, it is necessary to pay the head accountant over £400,000 a year.


So does that mean that any of the councils in Mr Pickles' jurisdiction would be failing in their duty to have sound finances if they were paying their accountant less than that? 


Or is it yet another example of Whitehall departments, which we in Scotland help to fund, being run by greedy incompetent idiots?

ENCORE QUELQUES PENSÉES ALÉATOIRES..OR, AS WE SAY IN SCOTLAND

I was shaking with anger this morning as I heard the chairman of Southern Cross, Christopher Fisher, try to excuse the catastrophic mess that they are in. Directors sold off the properties to make themselves shed loads of money; properties on which they now cannot afford to pay the rents, resulting in old and vulnerable people being left in a state of despair over their futures. It appears that directors made millions by selling their shares just before these same shares took a nosedive. The care of elderly people is far too important to be left in the hands of money grubbing spivs like this lot. The governments should take the homes into public ownership. The worth of the company is nil, so there should be no compensation to the shareholders. That we treat our elderly so badly is an horrific reflection upon our society.

The Telegraph reveals that the Duchess of York is on the verge of bankruptcy, again. What on earth does that woman do with money? This time, instead of selling her husband, she has sold herself for the ridiculously low sum of £200,000 to Oprah Winfrey’s tv channel for a documentary about, yes, you guessed it, how dreadful she feels; how embarrassed she is that she let everyone down; the shame she has brought on the royal family, etc. She lives rent free in a house that we provide for her husband because he is the son of the head of state. Otherwise, she says, she would be homeless. Has she heard of council housing? On the other hand it could be said that she was married to an extremely rich man form an extremely rich family. Maybe they could bale her out with the own private money?

Another day, another announcement from David Cameron that he is stepping up Britain’s foreign aid contribution. This time it is the very worthy cause of immunisation of children against diarrhoea and pneumonia. This makes the UK the largest donor in the world (even bigger than the USA) to this cause. However, needless to say Cameron announced this at a London conference on the subject, which gave him the opportunity to do a bit of grandstanding. I’d be the first to say that these vaccinations are important. I watch reports from Africa with kids dying of preventable disease with tears streaming down my face, so I am more than sympathetic to the cause. But when will this man start thinking about spending some money in the UK. There are sick kids here too.

Shock, horror. Kate Middleton wore a dress she had worn three years ago, and a coat she had worn four years ago. Perhaps she is just like all of us? Nope. Today I wore a coat I had worn yesterday and jeans that I had worn last week and (I don’t know if any of you do this sort of thing), that I had washed and ironed myself!!!.

Looks like this will be a ‘super u-turn week’ in Westminster, with not one but four of the pesky little blighters. Benefit caps; reduction in foreign students; weekly bin emptying in England (Eric Pickles, pictured), and yes, the English NHS nutjob plans of Andrew Nutjob Lansley. If Mrs Thatcher is still able to take any of this in she must be spinning in...er well, whatever she is in. Aye David, being prime minister isn’t all about garden parties, shaking hands with the senior partner, and making gifts that we have to borrow the money to give, and appearing with Michael Caine. A lot of people know that, but clearly you didn’t.

GOVERNMENT MINISTERS 'ART' ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

It’s nice to know that while we’re all in it together with bills going up and wages going down (the average wage in the UK has fallen by £2,500 in the last year) that government ministers are suffering too.

So it was surprising to find that they had charged the country £20,000 for artworks to adorn their offices.

Yes, in these times of austerity, when the national debt is estimated to be as much as £4.8 trillion, our government ministers have changed all the artwork in their offices, replacing the New Labour taste for Cool Britannia with historic portraits and battle scenes from a time when Britain was great...if your definition of great is spending more money on armies than anything else and fighting almost everybody, almost everywhere.

Of course they didn’t actually buy any new art. All they did was to borrow different pieces from the reserves in the government art collection. (Why does the government need an art collection? Isn’t its function to govern, rather than to be art critics? Why can’t ministers be like everyone else and bring in a painting from home?) The money was spent on transporting and hanging the paintings. Clearly ministers can’t just bang a nail in the wall, like I do, and hang their pictures themselves. What hopeless creatures.

The most amusing thing I think is that Eric Pickles, who has, quite properly, been waging a war on waste in England’s local government, has himself spent £256.64 of taxpayers’ money hanging a new print of a photo of the Queen in his office reception.

Government Ministers. Don’t you just love them?

Pics: (none of them borrowed at taxpayers' expense)Joshua Ross Junior's Battle of Blenheim, which hangs in Iain Duncan Smith's office; the Queen and Eric Pickles

First Minister's Questions, with a good few jokes.. and a great line from Ms Goldie, is over at Subrosa's place... Go read it now....OK?