A guy has a talking dog. He takes it to a talent scout.
"This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent.
The guy says to the dog, "What's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies.
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. “All dogs go 'roof'."
"No, wait," the guy says.
He asks the dog, "What does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending stare. He is losing his patience.
"No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you."
He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth!" barks the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog then turns to the guy and says, "Maybe I should said DiMaggio?"
One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why are you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was walking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bed!
"And that, Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"