Sunday, 7 March 2010


Oh really! Don’t politicians make you laugh out loud?

So, who is responsible for all my mirth so late on a Sunday night? Not for the first time, it’s the hapless Phil Woolas muppet. (Remember him from his encounter with, and thorough beating by, the lovely Joanna Lumley?)

So Woolybrain has been complaining that the education of his own children has been adversely affected by immigrant children who don’t speak English properly. Now that would be weird, given that he’s a junior minister in the Labour government, but it becomes farcical when you remember that he’s actually the minister responsible for......... wait for it......


The wool-brained minister admitted that the influx of immigrants had put local authorities in England under strain. Children are being taught in multi-ethnic classes with a large number of different language speakers in each class, at all different levels of ability in the understanding, reading, writing and speaking of English. As a guy who for a short time taught languages, in both Scotland and France, I can appreciate just how incredibly difficult this must be for teachers.

Interestingly this is a far larger problem in England than it is in Scotland, where the immigration requirements are entirely different. (This is a very good reason for having a separate autho
rity to deal with this problem in each country as Scottish needs are totally ignored in the interest of England’s greater good.)

Chris Grayling, the shadow home affairs spokesman said it was ridiculous that the minister could defend policies which had brought about this situation. Of course it is fair to say that Grayling is no stranger to controversy himself with inordinately dubious expenses claims; offensive comments about a part of Manchester; and a corker of a faux pas regarding Richard Dannett when he was critical of the general's suggested appointment as an advisor to Gordon Brown, only to find out that he had, in fact, been touted as an advisor to David Cameron, which he then thought was a splendid idea. A rather wooly-headed guy too then.

It’s quite worrying when you look at the calibre of politicians holding some sort of office in the Westminster parliament, but surely Woolhead after his encounter with Princess Joanna, and his idiotic support for bonuses for executives of the Borders Agency, which must surely be one of the least efficient organisations in the world, must be pretty near the top of the list for politicians your granny knitted, but there's not a lot to chose between them......

Pictures: Phil Woolass and Security scanner. Phil’s the one with the suit on. And Chris Grayling pretending he’s an ordinary person using some public transport. Chris is the one on the hard left (joke!)



  1. Ye know, ah actually feel sorry fur thae English. Whit a choice thae've goat tae make, 'tween a bunch o' jumped-up pantry boys, an' anither bunch o' overgrown schoolboys.

    Or they can vote LibDerm.

    No much o' a choice is it? Nane o' them gein' ony sort o' vision o' a future except 'mair o' the same'

    At least we can choose a pairty whit wants a new future, wan where we get tae decide, wan where we get tae take responsibility, wan where we get tae choose 'Scotland' oan thae wee drap-doon boaxes when ye're registerin' oan a website.

    That's the sort o' future ah want. Wan where ah can flash mah Saltire knickers at ony man in the street an' no be ashamed. Wan where ah can ah can make a wee piece oan cheese an' call it cuisine. Wan where ah can go tae the store fur ma divvie an' they'll no keep tellin' me tae go away.

    Aye, that Wooly man, he's a right wee bauchle, yer right there tris.

  2. As usual Sophia, you're bang on the button.

    I was listening to something on radio this morning about education, and they talked to Michael Gove, who appears to want to bring back the learning of Latin into mainstream education (presumably because it never did him any harm) and Ed Balls, who seemed to be bored by the whole topic of education and has his eyes firmly fixed on being (shadow) chancellor.

    It did occur to me that we might have a government forced on us on the strength of these men's arguments, because our government is chosen in another country with education spokesmen as dull and uninspired as these guys...

    Whereas we have the inspiring and inspired notion of a wee flash of your Saltire knickers to cheer us on our way Sophia...

    Eat your hearts out you English guys.... or apply for your Scottish passport now.....

    As for that ball of Wool.... at least you get a laugh at the spluttering muppet making an ass of himself.

  3. Ah'll tell ye whit ah think tris. Ah think that wee Wooly man's been kept in the front windae because he got eaten alive by Saint Joanna. He's noo the public face o' Labour humility. In ma day he widda been tarred an' feathered. He wid've been made tae sit oan the penance stool three Sundays runnin'. He wid've had tae be the bairn in the pram race. He wid've had his name put in the shoap windae.

    He's lucky he goat away wi' just bein' Minister for the Incomers.

    Intit funny how the pairties have aye goat somebody ye've just goat tae feel sorry fur? Labour huv goat Phil Wooly, the Tories huv goat Damien Green, the Liberals huv goat Mark Oaten (ah ken, it's a stretch)

    Gaun fur the sympathy vote, it's pathetic so it is. When ah go intae that booth, wi' ma wee stubby pencil an' ma shaky hand, ah dinnae want tae spoil ma granny's vote by gein' it tae a bunch o' jessies like that lot. An' ah'll tell ye anither thing. Ah'm no gein' it tae a pairty that stitches Glesca up like Labour's daein'.

    Noo dinnae get me wrong, ah've nae time fur the weegies, but they deserve better than they're gettin, havin' their Toon hall aw' mixed up wi' the ice cream warriors, or is it the hunners-an-thoosan fighters, or the Coke bashers.

    Ah get awfy confused. But ah ken when ah can smell fish.

    whit wis ah sayin again?

  4. You were saying that you can smell fish in the ice cream as far as I could make out Sophia.... although I may have got a bit mixed up.... ya know

    I think a wee lie down might be called for there, or a wee drop less gin for lunch?

    But you're right; they certainly try the sympathy vote, but I thought that old Gordo was the Labour candidate for that, you know, glass eye, (genuine) terrible misfortune with his kiddies, his mother, father in the pulpit, and round the kitchen table, not too much money but determined to get an education.... son of the manse from a farming background (how does that work again?) weeeeeeeep....

    The trouble is, I think we can have an overdose of that and he may have had his interview with Moron a little too early in the proceedings, like he went to Afghanistan too late, and ill-judged just after he slagged off all the generals for being out to get him and telling lies.

    I think they are all out there looking for a sympathy vote, god knows they are all pathetic enough to get one.

    Anyway, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it all. You get on your saltire kecks and get down to the polling station and vote for the Champions of Scotland.... That’s what we need.

    And, poor old Glasgow.... (my mum comes from there) will have to manage. It’s been through worse than the current mess.....

  5. Dear, Dear poor mister wooly! I’m wondering if he has on the collection of ladies apparel that we all bought him on expenses. If I remember correctly it was: a girdle, panty liners, high heel shoes, tampons and nail polish. He then went on to claim that the Telegraph were totally wrong and that he had not claimed for these items and that he was so outraged at the suggestion that he was a cross dresser he was going to sue the Telegraph for liable. I wonder what happened to that court case? Or did Mr W really claim for those items?

  6. Ah guess ma smell organ's no as sharp as it used tae be. Ah can smell aw sorts these days, an' some o' them dinnae come fae me!!

    Aw whit a wee shame. They've just shown on the news whit the Glesca Empire Games banner's gaunnae look like, an' puir Mr Purcell's no gaunnae be there tae see it, cos he went an' booked his holidays in a hurry. That much o' a hurry it seems, that he didne hae time tae tell anybody where he wis gaun! Ah hope he minded tae take his wellies, cos he's goat a load o' shite tae wade through.

    It's a funny thing intit. Ye look at thae Red Road flats an' ye think ye wid want tae run away as well. Ye see the folk that bide there, an ye think ye wid want tae run away fae them as well. Ye look at Glesca, an' ye think 'Aye, that's Scotland'

    It's a rich country so it is. Fu' o' variety, like a great big clootie dumplin', an' ah'm yer silver thruppence.

    Mind yer teeth when ye bite me!

  7. I am not surprised at all. The likes of Phil Woolas demonstrate a government which has run out of talent in parliament.

    It is time for Labour to be slaughtered at the election box.

  8. tris,

    I did Latin in school, or was that the other way round? My parents and the teachers thought it might come in handy if I ventured over Hadrian's wall to chat to the Romans who were occuplying Southern Britain at the time. I, even, learnt Auld Lang Syne in Latin which comes in handy at New Year so if I come and first-foot you and my speech appears garbled, you will now know why.

    It is quite comforting to know that the governance of our country is in such safe hands.

  9. Damn, I wish I'd learnt to spell as well although I quite like the sound of occuplying!

  10. LOL Sophia. The Empirte Games huh? It seems that Mr Purcell has fled to the colonies, frankly I don't blame him...

    I er, will watch my teeth though I'm sure you're not that tough. :¬)

  11. Unfortunately Dean, I don't have any great hopes for the Grayling man either....

  12. Brownlie: Given that I'm in the company of such an intellectual, I have reproduced for you a wee song that I'm sure you'll be in the habit of singing every Christmas:

    1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4.....

    Adeste Fideles
    Laeti triumphantes
    Venite, venite in Bethlehem
    Natum videte
    Regem angelorum
    Venite adoremus, Venite adoremus,
    Venite adoremus, Dominum

    Cantet nunc io
    Chorus angelorum
    Cantet nunc aula caelestium
    Gloria, gloria
    In excelsis Deo
    Venite adoremus, Venite adoremus,
    Venite adoremus, Dominum

    Ergo qui natus
    Die hodierna
    Jesu, tibi sit gloria
    Patris aeterni
    Verbum caro factus
    Venite adoremus, Venite adoremus,
    Venite adoremus, Dominum

    I bet Mr Grayling knows it in Greek too!!!!

  13. Tris,

    Tam dextram, dextram implicet - damn, I've gone off tune!!

  14. Och well Brownlie, god loves a tryer... and you're certainly.... LOL

    Do you remember Ecci Romani?

    and the lovely phrase...

    ecci strecus pro cerebro habes.....

    Och Latin is such fun.

  15. btw... does occuplying have 8 legs, or 8 sides?