AUSTERITY OLYMPICS? NOT ON YOUR LIFE

The cost of the opening and closing ceremonies for the Olympics and Paralympics in London, are set to more than double after David Cameron saw the original plans and found them too niggardly and un-grand for him.


Given the hard economic times, the poor old "hard-working taxpayer up and down the country" so often cited by politicians, was promised an "Austerity Olympics"...an Olympics fit for the times. Nothing showy, just an opening (maybe SIR Elton John doing his 'Candle in the Wind' rewritten, yet again for yet another unhappy national occasion), followed by the sport, and then a closing (probably SIR Cliff Richard singing 'Congratulations').


But it seems that now that the time is near, Cameron wants to preside over something rather grander than the ration book games that had been foreseen. I'm sure I read somewhere were to have the biggest medals ever. (Yes, I did, and I found the link.) You couldn't make this up.


Apparently the money will be found from within the £3 billion sorry... very out of date figure... £9.3 billion that has been given to the Olympics by London the UK.


Additionally, they have had to revise the security costs upward. It had originally been thought that £271 million would cover it, however, when Seb  found his calculator and redid his sums, just a small error was discovered... ooops. It's going to cost £553 million. Terrible when you can't add up isn't it. 


No, it seems that instead of 10,000 guards, they are going to solve the unemployment problem for London by employing 23,000... close though, huh? (Actually it's not bad by, say, MoD standards.)


SIR Seb must have been washing his hair when this bad news was due to be released because they trotted out some totally unknown English sports minister called Hugh Robertson (what no SIRhood?), to take the flack. 


He said that the extra money was being spent so that the UK (the UK, mind) could reap the maximum economic benefit from the games. He said that he wanted people to have the best possible impression of the country, so that they will come back again and do business.


OK, so first of all these games are damn all to do with sport. It's all about making money, which, if I'm not mistaken, no one ever does from the Olympics, and this shower are even less likely to, because although their arses and armpits seem to be there, they just don't know which is which.

Secondly they seem to think that people will forget the overcrowded late trains (and drunk women telling them to speak F******* English when they are in her country), the over-priced hotels and restaurants, the surly staff and awful food, the disorganisation (because let's face it, they haven't exactly shown themselves efficient up to now, and I see no reason to expect anything else in the future), the crime, the beggars, the street sleepers, and the general air of unhappiness, shabbiness and discontent that pervades the whole place, ............and only remember how wonderful the opening and closing ceremonies were...?


They are mental.


All the security staff will have to be screened by the security services, and  that should be fun. I wonder how much that will cost us and how many potential terrorists they will let through.

Actually, they'd never admit it, but I suspect that the security increase is at least partly due to the fact that the USA was unhappy about security and wanted to send 1000 of their own CIA people, toting guns.


We probably won't be able to offer that level of skill and training, but under the Big Society some of the unemployed off the estates will be given a half-day course and then let loose with their new uniforms (how much will that cost us?) They can probably supply their own weapons.


Frankly, I wouldn't go to London next summer if you paid me, and I'll offer sanctuary to any of my London mates who need to escape for a while. 


No, I'm going to sit here and wait for the economic benefit that my tax money has bought Scotland. 


It's just as well that in addition to being very patient, I'm easily pleased.

An sent Coe hamewart, tae think again

P

So the good news is that Historic Scotland has said "no" to the preposterous idea of massive Olympic rings being placed on our castle.


Olympic chiefs, the Evening News reports (I suppose they mean the Noble Coe and his sidekick Jowley Tess) are baffled by the change of heart of Historic Scotland, which was said to be enthusiastic about the project when it was discussed during the summer. 


As Munguin pointed out, unlike the Quango, English Heritage, Historic Scotland is a executive agency of the government. It is possible that Culture and External Affairs Cabinet Secretary, Fiona Hyslop, had a word.


To be fair it may be that Historic Scotland worked out for themselves that the people of Edinburgh and farther afield were not pleased about plan. The Edinburgh Evening News has run a campaign "Say No to Coe", and Edinburgers have been voluble in their condemnation, calling the sign gaudy and tasteless.


It seems that Coe wanted the sign to be in place for Hogmanay, when the eyes of the world are on Scotland and the castle in particular. But what for? Surely all the tickets for the games have either been sold or (the majority) allocated. So why would anyone want to advertise London's games. It would be like saying "Buy Grants whisky... but we don't actually have any". Additionally, London and Edinburgh vie for visitors and an enormous number of Edinburgh jobs are tied up in the tourist trade. Why would Edinburgh want to advertise one of its rivals? It would be like a big sign in Dundee saying "Go to Ashby-de-la-Zouch".


I suspect it might be that The Rt Hon Seb just wanted to show that the REAL capital's games were being supported by the pretendy capital of Scotlandshire.


If so, he failed.


But the Olympic "chiefs" aren't about to give up. They are looking for another building in Edinburgh from which they can hang their gaudy advertisement and Historic Scotland is hoping that this time there will be less antipathy from the residents. (You have to give it to Lord Nobleness Coe...he don't give up easily.) 


But Historic Scotland has to remember that one of the objections to the sign was the cost of £200,000. People in Scotland are aware that much needed sporting funds from, for example, the Lottery, have been reallocated from Scotland to London's Olympics, and we are aware here that while much of the Olympics is being paid for from general taxation, the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow in 2014 is being funded by Scottish taxpayers only. 


£200,000, many feel, would be better spent on promoting sport in the capital, rather than displaying an advertisement for someone else's events.


Historic Scotland may find that another venue may attract the same reaction!


Pics: Hi de Hi and Welcome to Maplins. The tacky looking coloured sign as it might have looked. Ms Hyslop, Culture Secretary. Seb Coe whose in charge of the Olympics on a salary of twice the PM. Tessa Jowel, the ex-Olympics minister whom Cameron retained so that he can blame someone from Labour when it all goes horribly wrong.


I've put a little poll in the side bar on the right. I'll leave it open till Monday afternoon. I thought it would be interesting to get your point of view even if you don't want to write anything.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TIME ASK... WELL DON'T ASK OMEGA

The tickets for the London Olympics went on sale today with 500 days to go before the opening ceremony...

...And the countdown clock, which started at midnight (pictured--tasteful, isn’t it?), broke down.

The Omega (official partners of the Olympics*) time piece stopped at with only 499 of the 500 days left to go. The company were clearly mortified by the fault which happened as aristocrats (well Seb Coe) and other dignitaries (well Boris anyway) launched the countdown to London 2012. The said they couldn’t explain what had gone wrong (worrying) and that their experts had developed, installed and tested the clock (also worrying). It might have inspired confidence if the failure had not been the work of their experts!!

I imagine that as partners in the games, Omega will be responsible for the instruments which will be used to record the athletes’ performances. So let’s hope they can do a bit better with that. ("Ah sorry, we think that was a record, but the clock stopped. You wouldn't just like to go again?")

As Visa are also partners in the Games, the only means of reserving tickets is with one of their cards, which is a tad unfortunate for the millions of people in Britain who have Mastercards, or indeed no cards at all (there is a link to Visa on the site, so you can apply for one...hmmm cunning).

The Games which we have repeatedly been told are for the good of all of Britain, not just England, or specifically London (I’m still trying to work this out), appear only to be good for Britons who have a Visa card. So that will be me stuffed then.

Of course there was a glitch with that too. The only Visa cards to be accepted were those with an end date of August 2011, which meant that thousands of people whose cards have an end date before that cannot complete their transactions.

So now the London Games appear to be for all Britons who have Visa cards that do not expire before August. The numbers of Britons who are likely to be able to profit from the Games just gets smaller by the day.

Not only that, but the “hard pressed British taxpayer” and the “hard working British family” (which has a Visa card) “in these straitened times” has to compete with foreigners (I wonder how many of them have Visa cards) for ticketing. The tickets will not be sold exclusively, or first, to Britons (with Visa cards). The damned cheek is that, having paid for the damned carry on out of our taxes that Brits should have to pay for damned seats too.

It’s going to be interesting watching the faux pas over the next 499 days (although we may lose count, especially if they can’t get the clock going)...probably more interesting than the £9 billion plus Games! And certainly better value for money (with your Visa card, of course).

* They should get themselves proof readers for the page. Tacky!

Pics: (1 and 2) Hickory Dickory Dock, what’s happened to the clock? At just after midnight and a few hours later. Oh dear. (3) Lord Sir Seb Coe, OBE... are there any titles this bloke hasn’t got? He’ll be a prince if it all goes off OK next year. (4 and 5) What on earth are these logos like? The second ones seems to suggest the Games are to be held in Zoizdon...probably Polish!