AUSTERITY OLYMPICS? NOT ON YOUR LIFE

The cost of the opening and closing ceremonies for the Olympics and Paralympics in London, are set to more than double after David Cameron saw the original plans and found them too niggardly and un-grand for him.


Given the hard economic times, the poor old "hard-working taxpayer up and down the country" so often cited by politicians, was promised an "Austerity Olympics"...an Olympics fit for the times. Nothing showy, just an opening (maybe SIR Elton John doing his 'Candle in the Wind' rewritten, yet again for yet another unhappy national occasion), followed by the sport, and then a closing (probably SIR Cliff Richard singing 'Congratulations').


But it seems that now that the time is near, Cameron wants to preside over something rather grander than the ration book games that had been foreseen. I'm sure I read somewhere were to have the biggest medals ever. (Yes, I did, and I found the link.) You couldn't make this up.


Apparently the money will be found from within the £3 billion sorry... very out of date figure... £9.3 billion that has been given to the Olympics by London the UK.


Additionally, they have had to revise the security costs upward. It had originally been thought that £271 million would cover it, however, when Seb  found his calculator and redid his sums, just a small error was discovered... ooops. It's going to cost £553 million. Terrible when you can't add up isn't it. 


No, it seems that instead of 10,000 guards, they are going to solve the unemployment problem for London by employing 23,000... close though, huh? (Actually it's not bad by, say, MoD standards.)


SIR Seb must have been washing his hair when this bad news was due to be released because they trotted out some totally unknown English sports minister called Hugh Robertson (what no SIRhood?), to take the flack. 


He said that the extra money was being spent so that the UK (the UK, mind) could reap the maximum economic benefit from the games. He said that he wanted people to have the best possible impression of the country, so that they will come back again and do business.


OK, so first of all these games are damn all to do with sport. It's all about making money, which, if I'm not mistaken, no one ever does from the Olympics, and this shower are even less likely to, because although their arses and armpits seem to be there, they just don't know which is which.

Secondly they seem to think that people will forget the overcrowded late trains (and drunk women telling them to speak F******* English when they are in her country), the over-priced hotels and restaurants, the surly staff and awful food, the disorganisation (because let's face it, they haven't exactly shown themselves efficient up to now, and I see no reason to expect anything else in the future), the crime, the beggars, the street sleepers, and the general air of unhappiness, shabbiness and discontent that pervades the whole place, ............and only remember how wonderful the opening and closing ceremonies were...?


They are mental.


All the security staff will have to be screened by the security services, and  that should be fun. I wonder how much that will cost us and how many potential terrorists they will let through.

Actually, they'd never admit it, but I suspect that the security increase is at least partly due to the fact that the USA was unhappy about security and wanted to send 1000 of their own CIA people, toting guns.


We probably won't be able to offer that level of skill and training, but under the Big Society some of the unemployed off the estates will be given a half-day course and then let loose with their new uniforms (how much will that cost us?) They can probably supply their own weapons.


Frankly, I wouldn't go to London next summer if you paid me, and I'll offer sanctuary to any of my London mates who need to escape for a while. 


No, I'm going to sit here and wait for the economic benefit that my tax money has bought Scotland. 


It's just as well that in addition to being very patient, I'm easily pleased.