Tuesday 24 August 2010

THE ROAD TO ENLIGHTENMENT (revised by Tris)

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just go away and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk, that’s the time to do it.

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone €20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

6 comments:

  1. "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it"

    Oh how true!

    Tell me Tris, was this an office circular joke doing the rounds in the office email system by chance?

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  2. Yes... true Dean.

    It was a chance email... at home, not the office.

    That's a serious disciplinary in our office....

    LOL

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  3. Tris,

    This looks suspiciously like something borrowed from a blog of mine some time ago. I would accuse you of plagiarism if I could spell it. You've been reported missing from Sophia's blog and she's spitting feathers about it.

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  4. Is plagiarism something to do with being on the beach, Brownlie mon brave?

    Promise I didn't pinch it from you... although I did get it from a mate ... Maybe HE pinched it from you?

    Oh Lordy, is SP cross with me... Feathers you say....? Lordy.... where can I hide?

    Maybe I'd better just turn up and say I'm sorry for being late... whacha think?

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  5. Tris

    (The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket)

    Unfortunately I only keep coins! Damn.

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  6. LOL @ Allan...

    You have some coins?

    Wow... who's a rich boy!!

    But pretty good advice matey...

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