Tuesday 9 February 2016

JUST FOR A LAUGH


Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer." 

The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, "How long were you married?" He answered, "24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", St. Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times ... but you said I was forgiven." St. Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive." 

The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out." St. Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Lincoln." 

The third guy walked up and said, "St. Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" St. Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!" 

A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying. When they asked him what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!"


20 comments:

  1. Tris

    Watched father Ted the one with the stolen whistle ( ted fans wil know ) and in the episode
    The whistle owners says the English put his grandfather in front of a firing squad and every
    Bullet hit the whistle and bounced off leaving him unarmed.
    Wow says Ted so he lived and they let him go
    Oh no say Irish man they just loaded up again and shot him..
    So funny. Obviously I am a big fan

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    1. Me too. Brilliant show.

      Must get the box set.

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  2. tris

    wot about Gideons brother ????

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/12148626/George-Osbornes-psychiatrist-brother-begged-mistress-not-to-report-him-for-the-sake-of-his-family.html

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    1. I know... Can;t remember what paper it was I was looking at (online) and they are supporting him, the dirty old git. I think it was the Torygraph, but not sure.

      It's not the first time the little shit has been struck off. He was writing dodgy prescriptions before.

      How did he get back on the register after that?

      Oh yeah... connections. Great British values, what?

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    2. Having read Calton Jock yesterday, I am surprosed he is still alive given he has now got an Asian Wife, converted to Islam and she has brothers, the lady is a tough cookie as she had to stand up to her family to marry him.

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    3. How the upper classes live, eh? Welcome back!

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    4. Glad to be back though I lurked until Hubby got me sorted out YET again.

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    5. Aye, e come in handy sometimes!!

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  3. First cartoon is funny.

    zog

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    1. I kinda hoped they all were...at least a bit!

      :)

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  4. I did mean to say that they were all good even the one about the social media which I have seen before, loved the Egyptian one and Niglet.

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    1. I see poor old Nigel is having trouble in Wales, where they have parachuted in a couple of English candidates including the brown envelope man, Neil Hamilton, and the defeated Reckless blokey.

      Mr Farage has said there is an unpleasant "nationalist" tone to Welsh politics.

      Oh the irony.

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  5. Want a laugh? Watch Jeremy Hunt's interview on the BBC. Talk about verbal bulls***.

    Contrast that with a young doctor who is on strike. You can feel the frustration behind a very polite and articulate young lady.

    zog

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    1. And some real humour......

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-35540549

      zog

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    2. There really are some overly sensitive "phucs" out there, with way too much time on their hands.

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    3. Agreed. Far too much time on their hands if this is how they spend it.

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  6. For some extra fun, sign here:

    https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/120753

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    1. Signed. They will say of course, quite rightly in many cases, that MPs are doing surgeries, or other constituency work on Saturdays.

      However, I read that Hunt himself, does not work on Saturdays. Meetings with him have to be on Fridays. Lazy little incompetent.

      I hope that teh junior doctors stand up to him. If they give in he will simply push on to the next stage of toryization of the health service in England. I've far too many mates there to be happy with that idea.

      If I were an Engish junior doctor now, I'd be looking for a job somewhere else.

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    2. And it looks like they are going to take him on. Public support is generally high for the doctors as well. Doesn't look good, does it? IDS causes more people to become ill, while Hunt's little plan ensures that those people then find it harder to be treated, since many of the doctors will have moved overseas.

      Health is a difficult portfolio, but Hunt is making a mess of it.

      zog

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    3. Yes, possibly one of the most difficult. There is so much to do and so little money to go round. People are, quite reasonably, always demanding more for their illnesses, or those of their families.

      And honestly, if the government doubled the budget overnight there would still be complaints. In the Western European countries where they spend considerably more of their GDP on health, there are still complaints.

      Which begs the question, why did they give it to him?!!!. Unless it's well hidden, he seem to have very little ability... and seemingly insurmountable problems, the junior doctors being only one of many.

      They have to find £22 billion of savings in this parliament!

      They have bed blocking becasue of the cuts to social services.

      They have ER out of control becasue there are too few GPs.

      He'll have to go if the junior doctors start leaving.


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