Thursday, 18 February 2016

THE DEAR PEREGRIN LETTERS

It's been a while since the Tories wrote to our alter ego, Peregrin Fotherington-Smythe, and the last letter from Michael Fallon was so deathly dull that we didn't  bother to share it with you.

This one isn't from any particular minister. To be honest Munguin is furious that we received a letter signed "Conservative Campaign Headquarters", and not a single minister, not even a junior one, bothered to take the time to sign it.

However, we though it was worth while for one particular line.

You'll love it!


Dear Peregrin,

On Thursday 5 May, Britain faces a clear but crucial choice: the continued security, stability and opportunity provided by this Government or the insecurity, instability and incompetence of Labour.

Across England and Wales, we can continue to give our communities the safety and security that Conservative Police and Crime Commissioners deliver. In Wales, we can end 17 long years of Labour rule, and bring real change for the Welsh people. In Scotland, we can provide strong opposition to the SNP, holding them to account and saying no to a second referendum.

And in London, we can stop Sadiq Khan, Jeremy Corbyn’s man, from becoming Mayor and using City Hall as a four year experiment for Labour’s radical and divisive policies.

The outcome of each of these elections will affect how Britain is governed over the next four years. That is why it is so important that we act now, to ensure security, stability and opportunity for every person.


Thank you for your support,

Conservative Campaign Headquarters
 
Leadership for a better future? Whit?

Of course we laughed like a drain at the idea that anyone could possibly use the words "security, stability and opportunity" when referring to the governance of the UK (unless of course they were talking about Google).

We couldn't suppress our mirth at the mention of Crime Commissioners...jobs for the nobs across England and Wales... which stirred people to rush riotously to the polling stations... well, a few old dears anyway and maybe "shuffle" rather than "rush". Oh what a success they were.

We're not sure what kind of change they are anticipating in Wales. We suspect they aren't either, so that is why they didn't elaborate. But oh the laugh we had when we saw that their ambitions in Scotland are to come second, and the UK governing party has already handed the next government  of OUR country to the SNP.

Needless to say they went on to ask for £20, which we've not sent.

Damned cheek. Why don't they ask Google for money. They've ensured that it has plenty of the stuff, and that we have none.

21 comments:

  1. Bit ambitious, if I may say so, thinking they can deny Scotland's right to hold another referendum.
    UK chancellor's are pretty cheap though, you don't have to pay much tax, a couple of free tickets and a flight, and the treasury will wave you through.
    Guess who will be making up the short fall, a billion and a bit I think.
    No probe, they still have all those middle earners to screw.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suspect if we want a referendum, we will have one.

      I can't see the Tories stopping us.

      Anyway, how much are you thinking of giving them for their wee fund, Golfie?

      I've got some old € coins here. I think I have 5c...

      Delete
  2. Have some rusty old nails lying about, they could maybe use them to hold up Westminster or buck house for a few more years. Long enough for us to get shot of them. Then we won't have to pay for these national projects.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They might come in handy.

      Delete
  3. I'm signed up to receive email updates from all the main political parties. I do love a work of fiction.

    The Tories might do rather well in Wales. Labour has made an absolute mess of the NHS there.

    Crime commissioners? Absolute joke. If I'm right, as with MPs, anyone can put themselves forward as a candidate. And we've already seen conflicts where a CC has looked at removing a Chief Constable, sometimes for the most spurious of reasons.

    Can we ban politicians? The world would be a safer place.

    zog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a sucker for punishment.

      I suspect I should do that.

      It's a bit unfair to only laugh at the Tories.

      I loved the crime commissioners thing. When they had elections the population couldn't wait to vote for them. I don;t know if they have made things any better?

      Never heard any of my English friends even mention them. I suspect most of them don't know that they exist!

      Delete
  4. Regarding the picture.

    "Look, no hands"

    Of course we all know he is lying as usual.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought he looked like he was doing one of these magic acts where he is stuck behind a glass wall...

      Of course he's lying. It's what he does.

      Delete
  5. A better future for spiv bankers, "noble" lords, Betty Windsor, Labour troughers, millionaire Tories and a certain author but the rest of us can go to hell.

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    Replies
    1. LOl.

      Read Craig Murray's post.

      I don;t agree with all of it, but there are some brilliant observations.

      https://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2016/02/cameron-fights-to-make-the-eu-worse/

      Delete
  6. I see DC has "won" a deal with his EU counterparts.

    Sounds to me like one of the biggest bluffs in history, all in aid of keeping his dissident backbenchers quiet. It will also knock some wind out of the sails of the pro-EU parties. And there isn't really any high profile pro-exit politicians who can command some respect. Boris Johnson is the main pro-exit, but his image as a bit of a buffoon won't help.

    Now the Tory machine will roar into action to push for a "Yes" vote to remain within the EU (bit ironic eh?). The Daily Bavarian's headline tomorrow will set the tone for the right-wing press.

    This is all about securing his job until 2020 and ensuring Gideon gets an easy ride into No 10.

    zog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, it will be interesting to see what teh papers make of it.

      The normally quite loyal Daily Mail (news from France) and Telegraph (news from Sark), aren't entirely friendly.

      The Express is funny. it's a bit like a wee la trying to think of something RIDICULOUS to tell you. And the Daily Star has even had to put it's Maddie McCann stories on page two. Diana must be on page four now.

      Have a read of Craig's post, as I said to the good provost above...

      I don't agree with a lot of it, but the first bit is great.

      BSJAlba sent it to me.

      Delete
    2. I read the Mail this morning (heathen!). Not exactly friendly so makes you wonder if they are siding with Boris.

      The Express is a joke. No doubt they will produce some new evidence that Diana was murdered by the state.

      The Star falls into the same category as the Sport - those readers who like to look at pictures.......

      zog

      Delete
    3. Yes pics of, erm

      Well, while we are on the subject, does anyone know who exactly the Kardashians are and his Jordon on one of her big or small boobs phases??

      Delete
    4. Yes pics of, erm

      Well, while we are on the subject, does anyone know who exactly the Kardashians are and his Jordon on one of her big or small boobs phases??

      Delete
  7. Dear Peregrin,
    I 'borrowed' your letter in order to comment on the "Hootsmon" and it generated one 'like' and 19 'dislikes'! They know me so well and it's the story of my life. I was naturally delighted, of course, thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They've nae taste on the Scotsman.

      Stay clear of them. They are a dangerous lot, the editor, the work experience boy and the office cat.

      Delete
  8. We got our letter from Ruthie, despair as my paper bin fills up quickly with all the rubbish at the best of times. Provost and my Husband agree, only hubby is much more concerned that leaing Europe will give a spurt to the Tories in their social developement which given that they feel they are the entitiled party of governmentm, they will let the tltles rule. They are even now talking about removing the vote from those who are on benefits, the next will be unless you own property and hopefully vote for us, you and you alone can vote.
    I blame Labour, and I did so at the time, they set the NHS privatisation in hand and thus allowed the Tories free reign to continue ever further. Loved the post Tris and Munguin as usual bang on target.
    Now the fun begins as England goes through what we had to suffer, I think Ukippers will have their feet roasted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have some rusty nails they can use.

      Delete
    2. LOL I knew the rusty nails would come in handy.

      I should keep that letter from Ruthie. If ever she becomes famous it might be worth money!

      An argument for the EU of course, is that Mrs Thatcher said it was "socialism by the back door".

      I tell you this, though, during the Scottish referendum campaign, we got the occasional mention on UK news. nearly always derogatory.

      But if Today is anything to go by, we will be getting wall to wall EU referendum, and the resurrection of Micky Forsythe bleating on every day till June 26.

      Heaven help us!

      Delete
    3. LOL I knew the rusty nails would come in handy.

      I should keep that letter from Ruthie. If ever she becomes famous it might be worth money!

      An argument for the EU of course, is that Mrs Thatcher said it was "socialism by the back door".

      I tell you this, though, during the Scottish referendum campaign, we got the occasional mention on UK news. nearly always derogatory.

      But if Today is anything to go by, we will be getting wall to wall EU referendum, and the resurrection of Micky Forsythe bleating on every day till June 26.

      Heaven help us!

      Delete